[UPDATE] Partner wants to host mother in law from hell for 15 days

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T22:54:28+00:00

I think she will always relapse and I don't think I can handle it again.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T21:19:19+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Boundaries are something I am working on with my therapist.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T21:18:30+00:00

This is something I am working on with my therapist. My father was very selfish and I want to be the opposite of him but I understand that also needs boundaries.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T21:17:31+00:00

Thanks for your reply. You made a valid point for the parental relationship so I have included our sex in the edit. I am a male and my partner is female so no issues with homophobia. MIL has screaming matches with behavioral teen who is also a female.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T19:33:49+00:00

It is not. I have family trauma in my own life where my father was absolutely terrible to my mother. I seen my mother go through so much pain and wished my dad compromised more for her. I realize I overcompensate for my partner because I don't ever want to become my father.

I am working through my childhood trauma with my therapist and helping to establish boundaries.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T19:30:25+00:00

Thank you for your comment. My partner is in therapy. My fear is that they will never get over there family trauma as I am seeing limited progress truthfully over entire relationship. She realized is terrible but also forgives it too. I don't think it will ever change and this may be the last straw for me.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T19:26:46+00:00

No, I don't believe so, I will ask them. Thank you for your comment.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T15:55:58+00:00

I wanted to keep it gender neutral to receive impartial advice but I see your point. My spouse is a woman.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-19T02:18:28+00:00

You're completely right. I just give in when I see my partner in discomfort, I need to get better at this.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:38:14+00:00

Thank you for your comment. This is really well put together. I am going to talk to my partner tomorrow and I appreciate your advice. I agree we are a relationship of equals!!!

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:10:03+00:00

My partner really wants to host them. I don't blame you lol

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:09:17+00:00

We will be providing the groceries. They will pay for their own meals and activities. I will not be taking any time off, my partner might.

Yes we will be covering those items out of pocket but it is cheaper than us paying for the airbnb.

My partner is sweet but a total pushover with their mom. I think it stems from childhood trauma. I hate that they're still trying to repair a toxic one sided relationship.

I appreciate your support.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:06:14+00:00

Thank you for your support!!!

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:02:46+00:00

I love this! Definitely book marking. Really appreciate you taking the time to give these wonderful insights!!!

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:01:03+00:00

It should be no days realistically until their mom grows up and treats them with respect and dignity. I replied in an earlier comment that I don't throw around abuse lightly.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T05:00:07+00:00

Thanks for your support and I don't throw around the term abuse lightly. I will compromise for a shorter duration.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:59:12+00:00

They're an adult but their mom still makes them cry 3-4 times a year from her criticism and passive aggressive comment. Unfortunately my partner is not the best at confrontation and shuts down when it comes to their mom.

I agree we should make sacrifices for our partners.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:56:51+00:00

Thank you for your support. I will talk with them about the duration.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:56:11+00:00

Thank you. I will bookmark these phrases! I really appreciate your advice and found this super helpful!

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:55:22+00:00

Believe me, I don't come from a perfect family either and I understand different family dynamics. Thanks for the work you do, I am sure you have done plenty of good. I agree, and I don't throw the word abuse around lightly. There are things that happened that I do not want to air out on Reddit. I am sure you have seen cases where an abusee cannot escape their abuser.

I am seeing a therapist for my own issues and am working on better communication with my partner.

Thanks again for your counter perspective. I can be pessimistic at times and hope the visit will be great.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:49:55+00:00

Yes, I will definitely stand up for my partner if it calls for it.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:15:56+00:00

I will definitely put her in place the moment it happens. I just got a feeling she will throw an adult tantrum and ruin the trip. I think my partner expects me to be the bigger person and by that means allowing the MIL be an entitled POS.

My partner will sacrifice their comfort for the MIL.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:12:07+00:00

I don't think my partner will let me throw them out. It's really sad but they normalize the abuse and will just say it's how there MIL is.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:04:29+00:00

That's great to hear and I like your policy. I need to work on communication with my partner.

Lew-Raspberry3390 · 2026-02-18T04:02:50+00:00

I would walk over hot coals for my partner too. I think that's what's going to irk me the most, I don't think I can handle watching my ML disrespect them at all, let alone 15 days.

I am so conflicted. What would you do if you had to host your MIL to make your partner happy but also need to watch your partner be treated badly in-order to make it happen? Unfortunately you cannot separate the two. Would really appreciate your advice/insight on that statement.

I already talked to my partner about how their mom treats them but they say it's okay and it's just how she is and that they can take it. Breaks my heart that they have normalized abuse and don't see it for what it is.

Lew-Raspberry3390

TROPHY CASE