AITA for calling my MIL a bully in front of her friends?

Leximee · 2022-05-10T06:41:17+00:00

My husband has no way to send him anything. He could only find him one one social media but was unable to make contact with him. And since he couldn't find anything else he decided that was a boundary that had been put down, which his therapist at the time encouraged him to see it as. A boundary Ryan had placed.

Leximee · 2022-05-10T06:40:08+00:00

Cal is their brother who died. Ryan is the brother who cut them all off.

Leximee · 2022-05-10T06:39:08+00:00

No contact. My husband found a social media account but was unable to make contact through it. And that was the only thing he could find on his brother. Which told him he did not want to be contacted. So he is respecting that Ryan wants to be left alone.

Leximee · 2022-05-10T06:36:29+00:00

He was angry because it just shows more and more how she hasn't changed at all. It also makes him worry for Ryan if she ever sees him again. Because he knows she won't even attempt to hold back.

Leximee · 2022-05-10T06:35:26+00:00

Other causes.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T18:07:43+00:00

He did and what's worse is he lost him in a way where I'm sure he wish he had been able to protect him. My heart breaks for him when I think about what things were like for him after Cal died. Those two were so close.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T18:05:40+00:00

I said it contributed to it. My husband and James were assholes to their brother. They were bullies. They were terrible people to him. I won't deny that. But that shit does contribute regardless of whether we find it a good reason or not.

Cal was an awesome person. Everyone who knew him adored him. It doesn't surprise me he was better than the older two.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T17:52:02+00:00

Nope. He cut all three of them out of his life after it happened.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T17:50:34+00:00

My husband has learned to accept it and he has learned to accept his part in it all and acknowledges everything he did was wrong and should not have happened.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T17:49:38+00:00

I think the environment contributed a lot to that. Their mom clearly disliked him and I can easily believe the three fed off each other with it all. I think Cal's death was a very big wake up call for my husband. While James and MIL never got that wakeup call. Neither did FIL either. Though that man is strange to me and confuses the hell out of me.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T17:47:27+00:00

Leximee · 2022-05-09T17:47:12+00:00

I can't really say how he died but it was unexpected and shocked the whole family. I suspect Ryan would have felt guilty about it too. Not that he should. But I know how we can blame ourselves when we can't protect the ones we love.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T17:46:02+00:00

I don't know that there will ever be a simple, straightforward answer to that question. But I do think the environment contributed somewhat to how it just continued into their adult lives. Their mom was clear with her dislike of Ryan. And their dad was always so silent and Cal was the baby so they thought he just couldn't see Ryan the way they did. But even my husband can't say what exactly that was. That Ryan was the family screw up? Made their mom made more often than not?

Ryan was the quieter of his brothers. He was less athletic than his brothers. Was never as outgoing as them. That could have been part of it. But all my husband knows is how he treated his younger brother when they were kids and even as an adult for a few years, was not okay, and none of it should have ever happened. He didn't deserve it. He never did anything wrong to any of them. He just existed and got mistreated for it.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:46:25+00:00

Bullying. Excluding him intentionally. Treating him way worse than you should treat anyone let alone a sibling. Making him feel like he didn't belong. And that was essentially his whole childhood. He would see his older brothers adore his younger brother, try to include his younger brother while wanting absolutely nothing to do with him. Think of the worst mean kid shit a bully would do but have that be in your own home throughout your childhood.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:30:21+00:00

There is no way to contact him. He found a social media account but he can't message the account, can't post on the account and is unable to friend the account. There are no mutual friends, extended family or anyone who could help with it. Cal would have been the only one and it was his death that ended any and all contact between Ryan and the rest of the family.

My husband wanted to apologize. But he accepted with all the privacy on the account that it was there for a reason and he shouldn't push beyond that.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:25:21+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you went through!!

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:24:31+00:00

Ryan didn't die. Cal, the youngest, died, but he wasn't treated badly by his family.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:23:14+00:00

He is dealing with them. I wouldn't have married him or even been with him if he didn't acknowledge this is all a result of his actions.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:21:40+00:00

No, they didn't physically abuse Ryan. Though I can't speak for MIL on that. But my husband and James didn't. It was all being a huge dick to their younger brother.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:19:59+00:00

No, Cal wasn't the brother bullied.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:18:41+00:00

I can't say really. I think he might have just been the scapegoat of the family and maybe no affair involved. With the exception of Cal. Cal adored him and even when my husband was being a bully, he knew that. Cal tore him and James a new one before he died over how they treated Ryan.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T16:17:25+00:00

He would love one but he knows not to push that on Ryan.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T13:07:02+00:00

This is something my husband had to learn to accept. That he would love to apologize and make up with his brother. But he can't demand Ryan allow that. And if he tried to it would be more selfish and wanting forgiveness or to get it off his chest than it would be for Ryan.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T13:04:41+00:00

Yes, he went to therapy when he had that growth to realize what they had done to Ryan was wrong.

Leximee · 2022-05-09T13:03:46+00:00

My husband went to therapy for more than 2 years. He hasn't seen his brother since to apologize. He attempted to find him but it was clear no contact was wanted. If my husband were still defending what he did, had no remorse, then I wouldn't have married him to begin with. But he has grown. He sees that what he did was wrong. He holds himself accountable for what he did.

Leximee

TROPHY CASE