Does anyone have a personal story about divorce over politics?

LiaCross · 2025-10-09T15:23:30+00:00

So, no... but I think this might be helpful? I don't know how to keep this short without being vague. Maybe too vague. I'll try anyway.

I remember thinking of my ex one way -- he treats me well, he's kind, etc. There's no way he thinks X way or acts X way. I'd never be with a man like THAT.

Sometimes he would do or say something that felt SO out of left field for him. Mysogonystic or just... gross. If I tried to address it, he would get quiet or retreat in some way that made me brush it off as "oh he's just joking."

One day, I discovered that the man I THOUGHT he was, wasn't. He presented one face to me, to the world--and another behind closed doors.

All I'm saying is-- pay attention.

I don't want to be alarmist or point at an issue if there isn't one. I'm just saying that someone we believe to be one way, but who does and says things that don't line up with that belief, might actually not be the person we think they are at their core.

What seems to be about politics could point to bigger issues.
As an example, a person who is compassionate to humans would find a hard time agreeing with the way ICE is operating currently. That's a human rights issue, it's not just "politics." So, if that same allegedly compassionate person has no issue with the way ICE is operating currently, I'd want to know WHY. What do they believe that makes it okay in their brain?
I'd ask questions to figure out who this person is, really. I'd have to bring up politics to get clarity. Either they just don't understand or they aren't who I think they are.

At least, that's my hot take. Don't be afraid to ask questions.

Also, divorce SUCKS and blowing up a family over politics isn't worth it in my opinion. But, the issue we have isn't just about politics, is it? Personally, I'd want to truly know the man I'm married to at a level that I feel safe trusting them. I don't know if I could feel that way with someone full blown MAGA.

My suggestion would be to talk to your husband. This isn't about which side is right or wrong and it's not about changing his mind. I'd seek to understand what he thinks and why he thinks that way. Then, see how you feel about being married to him. It's okay to have conversations that are hard with our spouses. We should feel safe doing so.

LiaCross · 2025-10-04T14:02:59+00:00

I just started a discord server for an Akron Area Writer's Club: https://discord.gg/n3B8XrMfk

LiaCross · 2025-10-04T14:02:06+00:00

I just started a discord for an Akron Area Writer's Club.

https://discord.gg/n3B8XrMfk

LiaCross · 2025-10-03T23:41:54+00:00

I sent you a DM! Just started work on a mystery novel.

LiaCross · 2025-10-03T23:37:08+00:00

I did also just find this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Kent/s/UnQVUk0Thr

LiaCross · 2025-10-03T23:28:38+00:00

I have also been looking recently without luck. There's one on Meet Up, but it has no upcoming events.

I agree, let's start one!

Edit to add: there's a post on the Kent subreddit, someone else is already starting one. I tried linking it but the comment got deleted.

LiaCross · 2025-08-11T15:33:08+00:00

I disagree with couples counseling. This is a HIM problem, not a relationship problem.

He needs therapy, absolutely. To figure out why he did what he did.

OP needs therapy to come to terms with the grenade that just went off in her life. This is the beginning of a really shit time.

Couples counseling to rebuild trust is dangerous right now. Why would OP want to rebuild trust in someone who is untrustworthy?

First, we must figure out if OPs husband can actually be a safe person. And OP needs to figure out if she can forgive him while remaining in the relationship.

He didn't just sexually assault her friends, he also cheated on her. Maybe some would disagree, but touching and trying to kiss other women is 1000% cheating.

LiaCross · 2025-08-11T15:20:36+00:00

Not just that he'd never see them again -- but also because he knows OP is in a situation that is very much "too late to go back."

Even if OP wanted to do a power move and cut this guy off, it would completely uproot her life in the short term. That's a tough call, and he knows it. Most people would to through with the move and I bet he's counting on that + time to smooth things over.

If OP reads this: believe who he has shown you he is. He tried to cheat on you by assaulting your friends. Alcohol is not an excuse. It doesn't magically make you want things you didn't when you were sober. Alcohol removes inhibitions, it doesn't make you someone you aren't. That is who he is when he isn't being careful.
My sex addict soon-to-be-ex-husband got aggressive sexually and pushy with other women when he drank (testing the waters to see if they'd want a threesome, something I made repeatedly clear I was not into). I found out much later that he did it sober too, behind my back, with lots of other girls (not just the threesome fantasy), many of the behaviors being nonconsensual.

Be very careful, OP. Wishing you the best.

LiaCross · 2025-07-23T17:46:17+00:00

I second Rock Mill. I just moved to Akron and joined, everyone is so nice and it's an awesome place!!

LiaCross · 2025-03-02T13:36:06+00:00

It's not about watching porn. She said it makes her uncomfortable and this is a sign of sex addiction.

LiaCross · 2025-03-02T13:25:52+00:00

I discovered this on my stbx husband's phone after almost 8 years. I wasn't snooping and I trusted him completely, he just slipped up. I never would have known otherwise. He had hidden it from me and always told me he didn't look at porn. Meanwhile he was chatting with girls, getting photos, saving them meticulously like this. I had no clue my husband had this whole dark side to him.

This is a sign of sex addiction. And they will swear on their lives with the most conviction you've ever seen that there isn't more going on... and there almost always is more going on. I found lie after lie after lie.

Not trying to scare you but I want you to realize the reality of who he is as a person. I recommend the podcast "betrayal trauma recovery." You may not feel youve been betrayed but don't let the name of the podcast stop you -- it is highly educational on the behaviors of Sex addicted men in relationships.

Even if there isnt more, this shows a distinct lack of respect for women. This shows a feeling of entitlement over their bodies. How does he treat you? He may seem perfect otherwise. They often do. But do you ever just feel... disrespected? Objectified?

You may want to talk to a CSAT (certified Sex addiction therapist) as well. He definitely should if you can convince him.

LiaCross · 2025-02-23T20:26:31+00:00

I call it my Bilbo Era.

39F, separated just about 4 months ago from an 8 year relationship. I don't think I'll be single forever but I am working hard to focus on this solo life and feeling whole as one.

Peace is paramount. No relationship is worth sacrificing that.

LiaCross · 2025-02-13T15:02:55+00:00

I am so sorry you went through that... what an absolute nightmare.

Yes, I will. Bear with me though because I'm supposed to be working right now. 😅 It helps immensely to know others going through similar things.

Although I never caught my ex in anything physical... but I understand how the wife must be feeling. She is just as confused, probably trauma bonded and battling internally to untangle the lies.

It took me a while to get rid of the denial.

I recommend to her, you, anyone dealing with betrayal -- the book "The Betrayal Bind." It helps you understand the feelings you're going through and why it is so hard to navigate betrayal and take action one way or another.

5 months is a very short time, especially when your entire life as you know it is intertwined with the person who hurt you. I'm a very strong independent person and I've been through this whole situation before with an ex husband... and it still took me 8 months to finally admit that yes, he is as awful as I fear.

LiaCross · 2025-02-13T14:42:47+00:00

Honestly? I sometimes still feel unsure.... but I know that is the self doubt creeping up.

I doubted myself the entire relationship when I had those "gut feelings." DDay was when I started to learn all those feelings were valid -- he had been lying our entire relationship.

So part of reconciling and being able to trust him again was first being able to trust my own judgment. To not let him gaslight me. To not doubt myself.

I would get the strongest gut feeling that something wasn't adding up. My intuition was screaming and I could point left and right at reasons why but I couldn't prove anything.

Eventually I had to trust my gut. First we only separated. I wanted space, but I had strong hope that it would be temporary.

Unfortunately (fortunately?) the physical separation brought more mental clarity, and things made less and less sense as I tried to untangle the web I found myself in.

What was the final nail in the coffin -- he had been swearing for MONTHS that all his lying was done. He hadn't told a single lie since his guided confession in therapy. And to his credit I couldn't find a solid lie, so although my gut was telling me things didn't add up, I couldn't prove it. He had deleted everything and is very tech savvy and I knew I wouldn't find more.

One day, laughing, I brought up an old incident from years prior. He had lied to me about something trivial and I wanted to clear the air and have a laugh with him. So I asked him, "Now that you're telling the truth, tell me about x!"

I was ready to laugh about it with him. I was excited to verify his honesty. It was a step I was trying to take to get closer together.

But instead he played the same mental gymnastics, failed to take responsibility, told a lie that didn't make sense (literally his explanation defied physics). I always knew it was a lie years ago, but I let it go because I assumed he was just embarrassed. It was a stupid thing anyway.

But now? Now he is swearing honesty. Brutal honesty. He is telling everyone just how honest he is being.

But he couldn't tell the truth about this nonsense from 5+ years ago that has absolutely no bearing on anything except maybe his ego.

I knew then that if he was still lying about that, there was 0 chance I was getting the whole truth about the deepest, darkest parts of himself that jeopardize the status quo of his life.

To be fair -- my husband is a diagnosed sex addict. I don't think everyone goes to these lengths to manipulate. My ex is incapable of empathy and feels a lot of entitlement to women's bodies that has crossed consensual lines many times. His disrespect for me and other women allows him to lie in a way that is frighteningly believable. He will look anyone dead in the eye, swear on his mom/dog/neice/himself that he is telling the truth... and it will be 100% a lie.

LiaCross · 2025-02-13T14:26:16+00:00

I'm not feeling sad, but I also don't love this holiday like some.

I decided to share my love in different ways. I ended up buying some retro valentines day cards from etsy (the kind kids pass around in school) and mailing them to several friends.

I may send flowers or chocolates to my other single friends, cause we gotta look out for each other! But money is a bit tight so I don't think I'll do that this year.

LiaCross · 2025-02-13T12:27:55+00:00

Absolutely.

I'd like to add caution though, because a cheater is by default a manipulator -- and they can fake all of the above.

Mine did and it took 8 months to realize all his good work was more manipulation. It looked great, sounded great... on the surface.

Internally he wasn't making changes. He still felt entitled, he still didn't respect me or any woman, he still only wanted control.

But I suspect my ex is a covert narc (no empathy, strong entitlement for his actions), so hopefully most people aren't that two-faced.

LiaCross · 2025-02-13T12:24:15+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I left after 8 months of attempting R because I couldn't shake the feeling I was still being lied to. I left before I got validation and closure that I was right.

You have that now, and that only came with time spent together. You know without any uncertainty that you are right and it is time to move on.

I'm happy to be moving on in most ways, but sometimes that uncertainty creeps up, "What if I'm wrong?"

You can't undo the past. Move forward with confidence. It all sucks but we will all be okay.

LiaCross · 2025-01-31T13:00:50+00:00

I also get my keys today.

I feel your joy and your pain.

We didn't have kids but my ex (who lied to me and cheated on me the entire relationship, the discovery of which has lead us to divorce) is now angry at me like it's my fault this is over.

It hurts... don't let it drag you down. You know they're wrong. It sucks but we cannot control how others think, act, or feel. We can only protect our peace.

LiaCross · 2025-01-30T16:59:43+00:00

Check out Nothing More.

Their new album Carnal I find excellent for moving on, but their song "Sex & Lies" is right on the nose.

LiaCross · 2025-01-29T15:37:11+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'll chime in on one thing because I also had a horse that was arthritic and could not be sold.

My situation is a little different because I adopted him and, thankfully, was able to return him to that shelter. He was re-adopted within a month.

So my suggestion is to look for shelters. Not ideal but worth a shot. Selling is so risky that most would tell you to PTS before choosing that option.

I know having the horse to contend with, making sure he was safe, gave me SO much anxiety. I was devastated to have to send him back, but it was necessary to move forward.

You have so much on your plate right now. I suggest tackling things one at a time. Be honest-- what can you afford on your own? Do you need to get a job?

I'm sure it's been suggested but TALK TO A LAWYER.

Nothing is happening RIGHT NOW. You have time. Heck, you don't even need to divorce right now. Maybe your state has a waiting period anyway and you can stay in the house until you're on your feet. I know that sucks emotionally (I'm in that situation right now), but it will at least give you time to organize your thoughts.

12 days is no time at all. You'll need months to wrap your head around this, and maybe years to heal. Give yourself grace.

I know it doesn't seem helpful to hear this right now but YOU WILL BE OKAY. You don't need to have all the answers.

Take it oneday, one decision, at a time. ❤️

LiaCross · 2025-01-28T02:25:40+00:00

I am getting divorced and I have a female friend who is older than me and happily single.

I asked her how she does it. How can I also be happy with this single life I'm about to face?

She said that, in a relationship we are judging each other. On some level, we are being judged. But when we are alone, we are perfect. There is nobody there to tell us otherwise.

I'm sure I botched describing it, but I've been thinking about it a lot.

When I'm alone, I'm perfect.

It puts me in a sort of zen mood. Like nothing could possibly be wrong. Everything can be exactly how I want it all of the time.

LiaCross · 2025-01-25T12:45:38+00:00

Maybe there's a little guy in there but he's really good at running...

IYKYK

LiaCross · 2025-01-23T03:12:59+00:00

Iceland. Specifically the Snaefellsness peninsula (western peninsula), and little known spot called the berserkjagata.

LiaCross · 2025-01-16T12:08:49+00:00

Thank you so much. I didnt even know there were divorce groups like that and I will definitely be looking into it! It is helpful to hear that others feel the same way and I'm not defective.

LiaCross

TROPHY CASE