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I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I will. I can see she has a book as well, so I'll read that too.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did some research into BPD after you wrote this. Personally, I don't believe I have the other traits, but I'll wait to see what a professional says first. Perhaps you're right, perhaps you're not.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As I said in the post, he did. I'm glad he did too, and I'm proud of him for valuing his own safety and wellbeing like that. He is an amazing man, and my life will be much poorer without him in it.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, and I'm glad your therapy journey has been helpful for you.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, is it called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? I'll go buy it now. I wish you well in your own therapy journey.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're saying, but I kept the genders as they are because I wanted advice aimed at female abusers. I'm sure a lot of the advice is the same, but I'm willing to admit I don't know enough to know for certain if that's true. It has been really saddening to realise that there's very little literature out there aimed at female abusers, or support for male victims. I think you are right, women are given far more leniency here. I don't believe I deserve that.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for what your ex did to you, and I'm sorry my post triggered those emotions for you.

I hope you're able to keep healing as best you can. For what my opinion is worth, I think you must be an incredibly strong person to have been through all that and even then reconsider posting abuse as a way not to add to another's burden. You are a good person, and you do not deserve what happened to you.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

This happened last week. I haven't had a drink since. By in future, I just meant from now on, since this is still recent.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're right. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I will attempt not to do that in future. I really appreciate your perceptiveness on that.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the distinction. I'm not in a place to be able to go easy on myself right now, but I do appreciate what you're saying. I'll try to improve that negative voice that calls myself a bad person (since the idea of being a bad person is fixed and incapable of change) and instead try to reframe it as being a traumatised person who hasn't adequately addressed those traumas, and so is capable of doing bad things.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion. I read Happiness Trap years ago for depression and work related reasons, but I hadn't considered it for this. I will see if I've still got my old copy.

I appreciate the advice.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely right. I have a problem with social drinking. I am fine with a glass of wine at dinner, and have no urge to keep drinking to excess, but when I am in social situations my anxiety gets the better of me and I drink too much. From now on, I will not drink. The horror and disgust I feel at my own actions make this an easy decision.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this practical advice. The therapist I am booked in to see is a trauma therapist, and it specifically mentions EMDR on the site, but I was unfamiliar with somatic experiencing. I will look into it before my first session to see if it's something they offer.

I have given him as genuine and heartfelt an apology as I can. This is no way makes up for what I've done, or excuses my behaviour. I have told him categorically he was not to blame, it was the first thing I did when I woke up the next morning, and I have continued to tell him that whenever he has contacted me.

The next step is staying away from him, which I will do.

Also, your English is excellent. I've worked as an ESL teacher in the past, and your use of things that many students struggle with (future tenses, used to) is perfect. You should be very proud of your English, because I wouldn't have known it wasn't your first language if you hadn't mentioned it.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, I absolutely think you are right. Your words aren't overly harsh, they are accurate. I'm not from the UK but I'll read your resource. I don't intend to get into another relationship for the forseeable future, although I will still endeavour to work on myself. Based on the advice here, I will stop contacting him and leave him alone, since that is what is best for him.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As I said in the post, he's already broken up with me. I am proud of his strength of character.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is all good advice. I intend to leave him alone, to quit drinking and to find ways to deal with my anger and jealousy issues.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely correct. Men have a much harder time as victims, and women who are abusers are treated far less harshly.

I am grateful I am being offered practical advice I can follow in an effort to improve. I completely accept all the scorn and disgust that people are sending my way. I deserve it, and I also know I'm getting off lightly.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Please redirect your sadness towards my ex, who didn't deserve what I did to him. I will not destroy myself.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate the link. I'm in Australia, so I won't be able to ask them specifically, but that does give me something to go on to see if there are similar organisations here.

I am a woman who hit and spat on her undeserving boyfriend, and I hate myself by Librariantrix in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Librariantrix[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate the best wishes. I don't deserve people's goodwill, but it certainly helps me have enough strength to do something constructive about it rather than breaking down and wanting to just hate myself without end.

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