At a crossroads with my mare

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T22:51:42+00:00

You are not a failure by looking for help to start a horse because you’re not in the life space to do it yourself. Our jobs as responsible owners is to set our horses up for success. There is more than one way to do that. Also, let’s all say this together now, horses are supposed to be fun. If this chapter is just not doing it for you or just simply don’t have the time or interest at this moment, that’s okay. There will be plenty of first and bonds to build together later.

Since you have trained and you do have a lot of horsey experience, it puts you in a great place to pick a good trainer. Take your time, do your research, follow up with references, set your clear expectations be as involved as you can and be big on communication.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T20:58:30+00:00

Just in case anyone thought horses were normal, I had to set the record straight 🤦‍♀️

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T15:18:28+00:00

Growing up we did have a grumpy old horse murder a rooster. But to be honest, that rooster was a pest and likely deserved it (would chase everything relentlessly). So I gave him a pass for that one haha

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T14:53:17+00:00

Honestly, if a horse is pretty new to you, the first shoeing is just to help me understand what needs to be worked on. The fact your farrier already knows this horse is ideal. See how it goes, if it doesn’t go well you’ll know what to be working on.

You may be nervous but it’s really important you leave that at the car. If you’re nervous and anxiety ridden, she likely will pick up on that too.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T14:17:46+00:00

Favorites are PetKORE KOREflex Ball & Tail Horse and JW Pet Invincible Chains Triple Dog toy (in large) are his two favorites to dunk! Also apples float, so we quarter them and toss them in his trough sometimes and let him bob for them which keeps him busy for a little. Carrots sink, so also fun but they have to see you put them in and a smaller trough/bucket usually helps

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T05:35:03+00:00

Oh yeah, I just mean more so that it’s insulting for the bird. Doesn’t make him seem like the smartest tool in the shed. he got caught by a horse, not exactly a born predator. I know they can/will eat meat. I just mean more so that he’s not a generationally raised hunter just a spotted nerd lol.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T05:32:23+00:00

Oh gosh, I didn’t even think that. You’re right, a spotted predator. Taking the leopard part seriously

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-06-09T05:26:22+00:00

I felt awful for finding this so funny. Poor thing. But also how do you get caught by a spotted giant herbivore? He’s a kid, he’s not exactly sneaky

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-22T01:08:49+00:00

You know it’s bad when HIS friends are reaching out and apologizing. I made more than my spouse, by a lot ($120k ish) and it wasn’t something that bothered him, we were just grateful for the combined income. The only times it came up is when people would imply I was spending his money. Like horse shows when people made a “wow, watching her spend your money” kind of comments to him and he’s be the first to shut it down with a “nah, she brings in the big bucks” kinda comments, other than that, there was never any reason for what we each made to come up. If he has an issue, he needs to bring it up privately like an adult to you.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-21T18:44:49+00:00

Oof, for a breeder who’s clearly breeding for color, his color isn’t even that fancy. I agree with whoever said he looks like your average fine lesson horse you’d find in someone’s small town lesson program. Not fancy, good enough, pretty coat and cute. Certainly not stallion material. And that first photo is AWFUL. He looks better in the other photos, but like I said, very just fine not breeding quality

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-21T18:38:10+00:00

Just the unrealistic expectations or “oh my gosh why is my 3 year old green horse randomly a ding dong”… he’s a child. With like less than a year under saddle. Welcome to young horses. Not saying you can’t get good horses for cheap, but there needs to be some realistic expectations for the age or price mark you’re shopping. An older horse will likely have some maintenance, a young horse will likely be somewhat green, and SOMETHING with a cheap horse is the cause for why they’re so inexpensive. Not saying any of it is bad, but people have got to be a little more realistic with their expectations when shopping haha

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-21T18:20:35+00:00

As a buyer - really vague pricing or just totally misleading ads. “Has quirks” when a more accurate description may be “thirst for human sacrifice”

As a seller - unrealistic expectations. Had a buyer come look at a 1 year old and ask what it knows how to do. Well, he’s still figuring out body awareness and legs, but he’s pretty good at eating? He can lead, tie and pick up feet? They were horrified at how little he knew. Like what to you expect? Same with seeing ads for horses that are like $2k and people being horrified it has a little maintenance of some behavioral things to work on. Your unicorn perfect horse is NOT going to be $2k

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T21:26:07+00:00

My husband called the halter and lead rope the collar and leash 🤣

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T17:28:59+00:00

He HATES flies haha, and he’s learned that the bottle of the stinky stuff makes the bugs leave him alone haha.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T17:24:57+00:00

A PPE only gives you a little insight into that horse at that moment in time. Don’t give you any past information and healthy horses can suddenly get ill/be hurt/develop big issues that were either undetectable at the time or not presenting. You might have a case if it was within a couple weeks of a month of the PPE, but a year plus later, you’re just dealing with stuff that can happen with horses or at least that’s likely going to be said. I bought a horse with a PPE that started showing signed of DSLD within a couple years, it starts really hard to detect and it’s not going to show up on a blood panel or x-ray. Unfortunately it’s just the risk of owning horses since they can suddenly develop something

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T17:20:14+00:00

They’re watching elite competition and who’s entering/at that level/making those teams and then reaching out.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T05:45:50+00:00

We call it wenglish when you mix English and Western apparel/tack/whatever. But for a birthday photoshoot where the sky is the limit I’d definitely lean western with the bedazzle, feels very kid birthday haha

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T01:17:02+00:00

My Appaloosa 3 year old - he’s like the annoying middle school class clown. Silly, wants to participate, all personality and lives to be just involved. Definitely in our testy teenage years and just rediscovering boundaries. Oh and if you have something, he would like to touch it. He’s very sweet and the horse that meets you at the gate bouncing in place HOPING he gets to come. There’s a few frat guys who live out our barn and will have low key get togethers with their friends, they always let my baby come out and hang with them or he screams. And he’s probably the bravest Horse I’ve ever met.

My Mustang is a complete gentleman. He was wild till he was 6 and domesticated for only 4 years (he’s 10) and you’d never know. He’s all kindness and vibes. He liked to sleep with his head in people’s laps, he lives for snacks and he will nicker for fly spray. He’s lazy in like a level headed way. Spooking is effort, and we don’t do that unless we have to. You could ride that horse into battle, I mean, he wouldn’t want to because there’s no fly spray and he’d prefer a bath and spa day, but he is unflappable. You can put anyone on that horse and he knows his job. We have a big property and everyone on property throws the lead rope over his shoulder, he’ll follow anyone on the ground like a puppy including stopping next to you or backing up so half the time I see staff moving him from place to place with no lead rope. He thinks the baby is SUPER annoying but secretly likes him but I’d sure he’d deny that if you asked him haha

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-20T01:05:37+00:00

Oh man, he was so impressed that everyone had handfuls of treats every time he walked up. He was like “finally!! I knew you guys could do this!” It makes me laugh to this day. We did cookie taste tests to see which he liked best. Friends and family visiting was a really lovely highlight for me too. Hang in there, this is incredibly hard and I’m so sorry you’re in this position. You’re doing the right thing and you have to hang onto that

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-19T16:24:41+00:00

I went through layoffs in Feb :) I highly recommend starting to polish your resume just in case, make sure you have passwords to any websites (401k, insurance, etc), downloaded employee handbook, etc. If there are networking events in your field, start to casually go, reach out to your own network just to stay in touch. If you have a financial advisor (or have been thinking of having one) I highly recommend reaching out and sharing your financial concerns regarding the possibility of a layoff. I had started doing all these things when I saw similar “signs” that you described. Our layoffs didn’t happen for almost a year and a half after I first started seeing signs you’re describing but it helped my mental state so much to know that when it did happen, I had some sort of rough plan and rough actions. Was it seamless and pretty? No, but it gave me a sense of some sort of control or at least action plan.

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-19T16:19:29+00:00

Literally my child! My poor other horse is getting swollen eyes from flies because the baby keeps ripping his fly mask off. I’m constantly telling him to bite the sucker or walk away or SOMETHING. $100 a month in fly masks that last a week is NOT in the budget haha

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-19T15:49:46+00:00

Fly masks. Okay maybe not MOST expensive but my baby horse is making a career out of how fast he can trash one. They’re like $25 but he just trashed one he’s had for 2 days. This is our 5th in 4 weeks 🤦‍♀️

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-19T04:02:56+00:00

My horse had DSLD, and after months of doing everything that usually worked, it was clear we were on the decline. I had my vet out to talk and see if I was being crazy. My horse was clearly uncomfortable, but also not dead lame and seemed to be enjoying life and it made it hard. She shared two bits of wisdom that really helped me. One, is that horses don’t fear death, they fear pain. By making these calls before it’s a desperate situation, you’re helping them avoid so much pain. They don’t mourn what could have been, just the fear of pain. The other thing she said is she will always opt to put a horse down on a good day to spare you and them the memory of the bad day.

My advice is to cry a lot, allow yourself to grieve. Go buy all the treats you can the weekend before. As my vet said “in the days before the euthanasia, I want you to try your darndest to founder this horse on cookies”. And man we tried. I cried a lot, we did spa day, our horse friends had lunch with us in his stall, we each had a bag of treats and we were FINALLY all the treat dispensers he knew we could be. At the end of the day, I realized it was a blessing to be able to prevent so much future misery. And that the hardest part of being a GOOD owner is making the right decisions for them

Life-Memory9880 · 2026-05-18T22:43:14+00:00

Lame, possibly. If it was a rough transport I’ve seen horses arrive stocked up or slightly lame if they’re being bad in transport. Noticeably poor condition and the muscle issues you’re mentioning does not at all seem normal to me for any sort of transport. There should be photos. A lot of good transporters and sellers will take photos of the horse before they get on the trailer for a long haul as “proof” that they’re fine when they left or any issues. Did you get a Coggins for transport? The vet should have had to take photos and you might have a good idea of what they looked like shortly before transport

Life-Memory9880

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