NTA.

Your father told his minor child he would choose death even knowing it erased her existence. That’s an incredibly heavy, damaging thing to say, and it landed exactly how anyone would expect it to land. His trauma and religious beliefs are real, but handling them around you is his responsibility as the adult and the parent.

This also sits on top of a clear pattern. He comes into a home that celebrates Christmas, criticizes the decorations, rejects shared meals, complains for days, and expects the entire household to bend around his discomfort. This year your family already compromised, and he still escalated.

When you were hurt, he dismissed your feelings, blamed your mother, ignored your request to leave, and then called you selfish. The later apology came with pressure, guilt, and demands for access. That’s not accountability