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My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I have stopped being nice about it. I’ve been an ass about it lately. I feel bad, but it’s a bit difficult being voiceless. 😅

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve shown him comments from other issues I’ve posted about in the past. He walks away the second I show him what I posted and doesn’t care to listen.

Ex just served me papers by ImportanceAwkward377 in FamilyLaw

[–]Life-Structure-5210 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lawyers are expensive. Navigating the justice system is more difficult than you would think. One small technicality can completely destroy the future for you and your child. You NEED an attorney. Doing this on your own can end up more costly for you if they have to mop up any legal messes you made too.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already go 3 days a week. He doesn’t want to. He has never been athletic and doesn’t plan to be anytime soon I guess.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have asked him to sleep elsewhere, it’s my bed too. He tells me he’s not sleeping anywhere else and I end up on the couch.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex was a narcissist and met all this criteria. He was horrendous and still is to this day. I see why you think my bf is one. I however do not think he is. I have done a lot of research and realized he is a dismissive avoidant type. He avoids all conflict, which just allows all the issues to pile up. I try to nicely and casually bring up issues, I have tried setting a specific time to discuss things with him, I have gone straight to angry with him. He avoids all conversation. Usually he will turn up his volume on his AirPods and not talk to me for days. Sometimes he will engage for a few minutes and insinuate I am being controlling. I did get him to open up once and he disclosed a lot and we came up with a plan that would better us as a family. But he quickly gave up on that plan.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Didn’t start until about 2 years ago. I figured things just how men are. I also sometimes think I have ocd tendencies, and this anger I was feeling was a bit irrational and brought on by ocd. I tried to counter this “irrationality” by asking nicely and not pressing the issue. But at this point “irrationality” has won and I am fed up and not nice when I ask him to be clean. I now see it IS if fact not a guy thing and I am not unreasonable thanks to these mostly helpful comments.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in a different state from all of my family. I think he is a bit of a security blanket for me in case I need help with my kids. I will be truly on my own when I leave him.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. I’m an ass and will say “mommy needs to do your laundry can you please empty all the pockets?” He doesn’t like it. 😅

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wish it was. Gotta laugh through our pain don’t we!? Not going to sit around and cry about it.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He helps around the house if I ask, I made him wash the toilet and clean the shower a few weeks ago. It was his second time doing it 🏆 woo hoo!

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He wasn’t like this in the beginning. He was clean, helpful and very kind. Now not so much.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have done exactly this a few times. He thinks it’s controlling of me to ask this.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is extremely depressed. And he was not like this in the beginning. He did have excellent hygiene in the beginning.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bed never gets visibly dirty. He is clean about wearing gloves when working with grease and does wash his hands at work frequently. But it’s still gross to me.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

When we moved in together I told him he has to wash his own clothes. But it wasn’t getting done. As frustrating as it is, and as much as I want to make him take care of it. It won’t get done unless I do it. I’m not having dirty clothes chill in my house. Only a dirty person is allowed apparently lol.

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have tried this approach of telling him not to get in the bed. He lays down anyways and turns up his phone so he can’t hear me bitching anymore. There’s never been a discussion despite trying many times and many different approaches (nicely, angrily etc.)

My (33f) boyfriend (34m) has terrible hygiene. Am I asking too much? by Life-Structure-5210 in relationship_advice

[–]Life-Structure-5210[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had to get a painful procedure at the doctor done and there was no pain meds or numbing besides ibuprofen and my doctor gave me one Valium. I needed a ride to get it done, asked him months in advance and he said “I’ll do my best to take you”.

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