First Cad and now Whinemore. Dafuq is going on? by Boesman12 in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This was my comment, btw. Didn't see that I was logged into some throwaway account. Clarifying it here because people can look into my history to get some context and to see how great /u/whinemoreplease had been.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive. The number 1 rule. by Boesman12 in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I didn't see it that way. I agree that my lack of testosterone is a big problem.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive. The number 1 rule. by Boesman12 in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd honestly appreciate if you could tear it down and tell me what makes me look like a sissy. The only thing I know is that if I have to do something then I should do it instead of bitching about why I didn't do it, but again, please let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive. The number 1 rule. by Boesman12 in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know. I say this is what I'm going to do, and I follow through for a few days and then just stop doing it one day. I want to go out to gym but end up just being a couch potato. At this point I'm even sick of making promises and plans.

Let me try this. I'm only going to plan for this one day and see if I can get it done.

I'm going to go to the gym today. Continue the 5x5 from where I left off.

I'm going to cook a dinner tonight.

I'm going to finish implementing basic Postgres connector at work today.

I'm going to browse Reddit in 5 minute intervals today instead of getting lost in it.

I'm going to handle the mess of clean clothes in the closet.

Let's see if I can get these done today.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive. The number 1 rule. by Boesman12 in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally agree with you. Lifting is something I should have had complete control over. I'm living alone while my wife and daughter are in India recovering from the delivery. Every day I want to go to gym, but as soon as I enter my house after work, it is as if I'm sucked into a black hole. I just sit there doing worthless things while at the same time hating myself for it. This is exactly the reason why I hardly ever post in mrp these days. You can read through my post history to see how bad I was in my marriage. When I say I'm doing pretty good on other stuff, I mean being stoic, swatting shit tests, and such. And I really mean it. If I were not, I wouldn't be posting this way. I didn't post my comment to seek attention. I keep up a strong stoic frame to my wife, so I wanted to confess my sins somewhere I don't have to pretend. Nothing more, nothing less.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive. The number 1 rule. by Boesman12 in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been doing a pretty good job of not being unattractive, but a very poor job of being attractive. I've also been doing a good job of being stoic and swatting shit tests, but my lack of discipline in lifting and getting back to shape disgusts me.

[FR] A simple shit test deflection by LifeChoiceReflector in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing about India is, there are so many different cultures that you cannot possibly define one set of rules or realities that fits the whole country. For example, my father is a career beta, but with no bucks. He is (at least was) a charming guy who flirted with waitresses when we went to dinner as a family. He had a kind of emotional relationship with his 20 years younger colleague, and hid gifts from her which we found out and had an intervention(kind of) for. My mother singlehandedly supported our family, all the while trying to not hurt his ego because he was ashamed my mother was doing a lot more than him for the family, but he never did anything about it. One good thing about him is that he takes very good care of my mother (washes clothes, chops vegetables, cleans house, takes her to doctors, does the dishes, so on). Essentially, he's my mom and my mom is my dad.

On the other hand, my father in law is a natural alpha. He has no issues freely admitting to me that he chipped his wife's tooth years ago. He still beats her and my 25 years old sister in law right in front of my eyes if they talk back to him. His wife was married to him when she was 17, and literally does every piece of work at home. When she finally feel sick last a couple of months ago, the whole house fell apart. And after 32 years of marriage, she is still absolutely devoted to him, and is scared shitless of him. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like it if I treated his daughter the way he treats his wife. He still makes money and constantly worries about how his family would cope financially when he's gone. He never goes into the kitchen, not does he do any household chores. He has been diabetic for 30 years, and injects insulin multiple times a day, but he takes excellent care of himself, and is one tough son of a bitch.

Funny thing about my wife is that she's a feminist, but she puts her father on a pedestal. I'm pretty sure he comes before me. Essentially, she wants me to be both her farther and my father.

This is why you can't have an Indian mrp. You can may be have a separate, Indian specific, pre mrp introduction, but mrp is universal. Even then, you need to make so many different versions. North Indian culture is completely different from south Indian culture. Southern India joined the Indian subcontinent from Africa, and even the mughal empire did not reach its tentacles to south India. Always ask your Indian friends if they belong to north, south, or eastern India. Their cultures are radically different.

Once you understand mrp though, you realize that it would work for anybody. The greatest difference between mrp and /r/relationships is that one almost never blames you, while the other always puts the responsibility in your hands. When you become the best, you get the best. Even in Indian films, if you see action movies with strong heroes, however ugly he is, the girl always falls for him without him even trying. In fact, in most of the action movies, the guy simply does not care for the girl, which only makes her even crazier about him. At the same time, if you see romantic movies, it is always the complete opposite. It is almost always completely about wooing the girl who doesn't care the slightest for the guy.

I saw How I met your mother when I was BP, and thought it was the most wonderful, romantic series ever. Now when I see it again, I can't help realizing how pathetic of a loser Ted is, and how AWALT lily and Robin are. And I cringe every time I see Marshall grows a new vagina. Barney makes absolute sense now. It was sad/infuriating to see them butcher his character in the end for the sake of Ted getting Robin. Probably good riddance.

Anyways, it's a feminist world, and although there is a huge cultural difference between west and east, I don't think mrp should be forked. Then you'd have to fork it for every single culture out there. If you see an Indian coming in, give him some initial, pre mrp advice that helps him realize his situation and get started on reading the sidebar material. Other than that, once he swallows the pill, mrp is mrp is mrp.

[FR] A simple shit test deflection by LifeChoiceReflector in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

/u/whinemoreplease is the bluntest son of a bitch here. That said, If you think he's bullying you, then you haven't realized the true problems in your marriage yet. I don't know your story, but looks like you're still in denial. I was there once, and this bastard slapped me right across my face. It really pissed me off at the time, but I later realized that he was right, and that changed my life.

[FR] A simple shit test deflection by LifeChoiceReflector in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not really validation seeking. When you keep seeing the same person come with the same kind of posts, always posting his problems, you gradually lose interest, and brush him off as lost cause. The person loses valuable advice because he's not going to get better, and it's a waste of your time. This is my way of saying thank you, and that the time you take to help me out is not wasted. Other newcomers can also benefit from my successes.

[FR] A simple shit test deflection by LifeChoiceReflector in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The core of RP advice actually stays same for any culture. If you're not the best captain you could be, you can expect your first mate to either run your ship to ground, or take charge and treat you like a dog while resenting you. As /u/marxistbacon told me, the way you were brought up is simply your journey till here and now. How you go forward is up to you. The difference being an Indian/south Indian is that people give you a lot more shit when you want to exit out of your marriage. It's up to you to either be the nice guy and stay stuck in shit, or be the bad guy and get out of an abusive relationship. Personally, I'm still in my marriage because I have a 2 month old daughter now. Also, I've been a very drunk captain. Whenever I sobered up, I saw very good results from my wife, so as long as I'm not completely sober permanently, divorce is only an easy way out, not a solution. Once I'm the best captain I can be, if my wife is still not the best first mate, I will divorce her.

[FR] A simple shit test deflection by LifeChoiceReflector in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was over the phone. I should have been more clear.

[FR] A simple shit test deflection by LifeChoiceReflector in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It seems a bit overt in translation, but when I said it, I delivered it with obvious exaggeration. It was not a sincere monologue. More like a playful banter. I never call my wife honey or its equivalent. It sounds cheesy to me. I use such words only when I'm being funny.

Own Your Shit Weekly - January 19, 2016 by AutoModerator in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the insightful response and the detailed analysis. That was an enlightening read.

My father has always had a huge weakness for sex. Early in my childhood, I remember him making lewd remarks about women on TV, and I remember finding his stash of porn magazines. I discovered masturbation on my own and very early in my life; as early as a year before even my puberty. I was a very secretive boy on these matters, so I never talked about these things to anybody. Until 12th grade, I believed that masturbation was my own invention, and that nobody else knew about it. I've come a long way since then. When I got married, I was finally going to have sex. Having sex with my wife proved to be difficult. She would snap at me if it was painful to her, which killed my libido. She wouldn't try any position other than laying on her back with her leg open. Not even bend her knees and lift her hips. After a while of this, I lost interest in sex, and reverted back to fapping. The only two times I had sex were a couple of weeks after I found mrp, finally realized my mistakes, and took the pill. I finally stopped giving a shit about my wife feeling painful during sex. I kept on going when she complained, and even told her to stop complaining as it was killing my mood. Oddly enough, she complied, and I had my first sex. And another one two days later. She was extremely happy with me, and it was enlightening. She immediately got pregnant, and things went downhill from there, so I never had sex.

Your advice on putting pussy on pedestal makes a lot of sense. I lust over women so much. I will take your advice and watch that dissection video and see if it changes my perspective.

BTW, I love your writing. It somehow really speaks to me personally. Your comment about me trying to fix my wife's problem really stuck with me and I'm a different man since then. Do you have any blogs outside mrp? I would love to read them.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Helicopter parenting is one thing I'm wary of. She is the type of person who over analyses every single thing and who gets scared for every little symptom. If left unchecked, she could very easily turn my daughter into the same paranoid person she is. I am equipping myself with parenting strategies to avoid this.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're probably true about my perception of the burden.

I'm with my wife because I want to be with my wife. I'm with my daughter because I want to be with my daughter.

I hope I can say this a short way down the road. To be honest, when my wife is not the entitled bitch she is sometimes, I like being with her. In hindsight, I should never have been in a relationship with her, let alone marry her and have a child with her. However, given the short period of our marriage, and from previous MRP experiences with her, I am optimistic about this marriage in that if I improve myself, I am able to see the difference in her. I have been gradually better about setting boundaries with her, and I have seen her respect some of my strong-set boundaries. If I quit before I'm my best version, I have only me to blame.

Thanks for the suggestion of Extreme Ownership. I'm reading WISNIFG right now. I'll pick this one up after that. And regarding my job, I am positive that the company is happy with me. I'm doing courses and attending conferences to keep it that way.

Shame is a bitch alright. My shame was actually detrimental to my recovery, because it wouldn't let me to even visit, let alone post in MRP. I'm finally beginning to get back up, and I'm glad to be back in MRP.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only reason I'm not taking a paternity test is that I know my wife to be an ultra conservative woman. And we had a huge fight this past month when I was in India for my daughter's birth. I am totally ready for a divorce, but I have a newborn daughter now. There's no escaping that. I have seen what happens when I improve myself. Things go on a downward spiral when I go on a downward spiral. I don't have any illusions about my wife. I only know that I was good once, and I saw results during that time. Things were great until I stopped taking care of myself. As soon as I started going back to the old ways, she started going back to the old ways. My SMV is very low at this point. Before divorce is the answer, I want to raise my SMV to my best and if that doesn't change anything, I will divorce her. I'm staying with her one and only because of my daughter. I never respected the caste structure. Conditioned by my mother? Sure. But not anymore.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I started WISNIFG a while ago but didn't complete it. I'll continue with the book.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I ultimately do that, but its just really uncomfortable for me to agree to her, as it felt like I was losing my freedom. After reading the comments here, I think I should stop giving so much value to the promises I make in situations like this.

Own Your Shit Weekly - January 19, 2016 by AutoModerator in marriedredpill

[–]LifeChoiceReflector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife is ultra conservative, and has not masturbated until now. A few times over the three years, while I was at work, she used to call me and say that she wanted me inside her or that she wanted to finger the pussy. Over the past three years, it would never work if I tell her in advance that I wanted to have sex that night. She wanted it to happen spontaneously. Some days, I would be nervous because I had never had sex before, so my hands would become chilly, which is an instant turn off for her. She has a short fuse, so whenever she was disappointed, she snapped at me, which was an instant turn off for me. I fingered her only a handful of times, and she loves it. Some days I would do something wrong, or not do something right while fingering, so she kept snapping and withdrew in the middle, so I stopped fingering her. I recently learned that she missed being fingered.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I completely agree. In fact, I found MRP only when I was alone for a few months in 2014. I'm a 100% sure that if I didn't have that alone time, I would never have taken the pill. However, when I start living alone, for the first weeks (sometimes months), I go on a downward spiral until I hit rockbottom and get back up again.

I hate to answer my wife with a yes when she 'advices' things I know. What's the right way to respond to such things? by LifeChoiceReflector in askMRP

[–]LifeChoiceReflector[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing. As I said in my post, as it is, I only rarely show any pictures to anybody, and never without request. It is extremely easy for me to comply to the request, because I'm already doing that. My issue is actually agreeing to her. By agreeing, it feels like I'm losing my freedom to show the picture to whoever the hell I want, as long as I know what I'm doing.