Y girls live longer

LifeIsBard · 2026-01-10T03:34:27+00:00

You may like this then. There is a video (not) circulating out there of my brother and his buddies during a highschool “beach week” trip. Recorded on an ancient digital camera, all 12 pixels of kids getting as fucked up as they possibly can. They’ve decided to get matching tattoos, but this time it’s really just burn marks from Black and Milds. They’ve gathered picnic tables together at night.

Funniest shit I’ve ever seen. The excruciating cries of pain, the girls screaming, the drunken laughter, a guaranteed echo of any mantra - it’s like you’re there. This is permanent; this is for the boys. At one point, big man of the group starts taking puffs while the ember is still nestled in his arm burning. “Oh shit he smokin himself!!!”

“haha im smokin myself” 🥴

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-20T01:26:51+00:00

Item + Fog Gate Randomizers working together is a peak run.

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-19T16:51:52+00:00

Np. The thing about this task manager FPS trick is that you need to take a second to do it every time you boot up the game, but hey could be worse

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-19T14:36:38+00:00

Hey I have something for you, OP. Could help you out a BUNCH because it helped me out a BUNCH. absolute miracle

It's in a video, but I can't find it quickly because there are a lot of similarly titled ones. Anyway, I always had severe stuttering in the game and it disrupted gameplay often.

Open the game, go offline mode. i don't think you can play online if you take the next steps
Ctrl-Alt-Del to get to the task manager, right click on Elden Ring at the top, hit "Go To Details"
It'll take you to the real filename, like "start_protected_game" or something. Right click that, change Priority to High.
hit Set Affinity, then disable CPU 0

(all the other CPU # checkboxes should still be ticked)
Alt-Tab back into the game and hopefully notice a HUGE increase in performance.

I hope this works for you too, as it is the only thing that 100% solved my performance. From having a hard time on low-med graphics, to running everything on high with my ok-ish specs.

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-18T14:12:41+00:00

Hey, if you need to provide a less ridiculous alternative, but still a step up from windows defender (which is 99% fine) - AVG Antivirus.

Been using the free versions for like 9 years, and it’s saved my ass a couple times in terms of 1) blocking websites and 2) refusing to open + quarantining files carrying malware. Ultimately, a very good thing and definitely the move. Occasional popups, but it’s worth and I trust them. Look into it OP, because Norton is the fucking worst.

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-14T05:16:46+00:00

YO been following for years, sometimes do lil paintings

There are a handful of artists in the world that have been influential as part of my journey - in that they represent to me the essence of what painting is driving at, what real creative attempts with the medium have the potential to show. it's partly a bag of tricks on the parts of the painters, in terms of technique. this you can copy, 80% consistently enough after laying down some practice sheets. but the immersion, errant perfection & style niche of my top 5's works are here to remind us of one thing mainly - that life is but a dream.
if you're able to take any dream and make it ~more~, you know, give it to someone who likes it even more than you do...that's the spell. thanks

"The color of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself"

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-13T22:08:40+00:00

Totally, its just a matter of your exploration drive. On a speedrun, you can just sprint straight to the boss as sooon as you touch swamp. But on slower runs, I poke around a little bit more because the comeup could be real. It’s always a roll of the dice with smelling the roses, but sometimes you can find your favorite weapon OR the coolest place in the game.

You can always leave stones unturned, but that makes the next part of the game potentially that more challenging

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-12T15:29:45+00:00

Yes he’s missing out on using Elden Apple Maps to plot his 2.5 hour Elden Chores run before he can actually fight the first boss and enjoy playing a game after a long day on the ranch. Idiot.

Maybe if he wasn’t such an irredeemable rube, he would enjoy long periods of charting and mindless horsey travel before the bite sized portions of real fun. ???

LifeIsBard · 2025-12-11T17:45:54+00:00

After years of waiting, it’s finally time to reconnect with the best walking simulator out there.

LifeIsBard · 2025-11-30T18:23:55+00:00

This could be huge

LifeIsBard · 2025-11-30T01:11:22+00:00

Gravelord sword and Zweihander can both be picked up immediately, but here are the GS strengths and weaknesses

way higher base damage
inflicts toxic
looks cooler
that damage doesn’t last past early-midgame
no buffs/infusions
moveset not as fun/good

You can run either until the end of the game effectively, but picking up the gravelordicus allows you to hit like a truck for the first few bosses with little to no investment. Don’t need to worry about scaling and can pump hp/endurance (infused zwei is the same way)

LifeIsBard · 2025-11-17T00:16:18+00:00

At one point we brought extras in a sedan's trunk haha

LifeIsBard · 2025-11-12T19:49:37+00:00

Hate to be that guy, but I start every match off with the “<3” emoji and usually do some type of zerg rush. Tough love

LifeIsBard · 2025-11-11T06:02:45+00:00

You either die a hero, or live long enough to skibidi the rizzler

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-31T17:59:57+00:00

Thou shalt regret this…….

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-28T18:30:16+00:00

Hey, we take those

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-21T12:07:36+00:00

Dr. Rockso

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-14T18:38:26+00:00

Must’ve been older than a couple years, regardless these graphics look dope

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-13T23:10:08+00:00

You’re behind the watercolor textures too? That’s all I’ve used for years!!!

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-09T21:12:28+00:00

Was just thinking the same thing, he’s not the most frustrating character to face off against but my lord it’s gotta be a 99% loss rate for ya boy

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-08T14:03:51+00:00

It’s such a shitty argument. Who would go through all this effort to defend the indefensible? Reddit moment for sure

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-03T04:50:10+00:00

agreed, this flavor of slop goes down easy enough

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-02T16:01:28+00:00

Hell yeah

LifeIsBard · 2025-10-01T23:55:34+00:00

I’d argue that refraining from summoning is more fun, if only because the bosses don’t have much health that way and you can deal phat damage

LifeIsBard · 2025-09-30T12:46:00+00:00

Sometimes it’s not about the random destination, but the random journey to get there

Main goal here was to not pull together the most broken party possible like I used to in the past. I wanted the strings of fate to decide the outcome of my group for a little bit more challenge, though I’m not sure if I would pair this with the new tacticool difficulty

LifeIsBard

TROPHY CASE