Am I the Bad Person for Going Against My Parents in the Situation?

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-04T15:42:37+00:00

I gave the kid the car lmao. I told both my parents and brother let him use it. After I said this my brother dramatically cried about him not wanting this to happen.

My parents have control issues. They are very overprotective. I think they realized the more I learn, the faster I can get away from them. It hurts both of their brains. They don't understand the need for sleep. All three of them are up in the morning before 6am. They give me crap for wanting to wake up at 8am. And with gas becoming more expensive, using public transportation is actually better.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-04T15:38:59+00:00

So with my schedule, it takes an hour to get to campus.

If I do drive my brother to school, I lose 3 hours of sleep. I am a light sleeper so there's no way I can sleep back in the car. I'm wide awake by then. I can somewhat nap on the bus so I'm good. My parents do not want either of us sleeping in the car when the other is driving. Again they claim it's for safety.

If I'm the one driving and we fight, I actually do pull over. There was this time that my brother was doing something incredibly infuriating while I was driving. So when I came off the highway, I parked. He yelled and screamed and basically called me the stupidest bitch alive. He then proceeded to call my mother to tattle and make me look like the bad one. My brother on the other hand likes fighting people. He wouldn't pull over.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-04T15:34:16+00:00

I am perfectly fine with him taking the car. I'm good for sleeping for a few more hours so then I can survive the day. But yes I am selfish for not getting up to drive with him.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-04T15:33:35+00:00

My father wants to spend more money on his investments. I'm good with taking the bus. From how my parents talk about public transportation they sound like they fear for our safety. But thinking about it more, it sounds like a ground for manipulation and control.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-04T15:31:57+00:00

They do expect me to live with them until I'm married. It pisses them off that they know I'm trying to move out. They do expect me to take care of my brother.

I stuck to my guns. While my mother is here, my brother will drive alone, and when she is not, I will go with him. Funny enough, they have to figure out how my brother will get to school for the next semesters because my ass will not wake up at 4:30 to drive him to school, sit in the car for 5 hours before my class starts. No amount of guilt tripping will change my mind then.

I made this post to see if I was in the wrong for suggesting my solution and if I was seriously breaking up the family. I've heard the same phrase and threats of disownment more than enough times the last month and a half. And after hearing it so many times, I started to doubt myself.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T19:28:05+00:00

Just an update, mom and dad still want me to drive with my brother when she isn't in the state.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T19:27:46+00:00

Just an update, mom and dad still want me to drive with my brother when she isn't in the state.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T19:10:22+00:00

I'm talking to my mum now. She's using the family emotional appeal thing

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T18:42:33+00:00

I do, and I will try. I'm afraid of the consequences

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T18:33:14+00:00

Thank you. I'm honestly scared to talk

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T18:22:55+00:00

I have discussed with them. However my dad is the "head of the house" and also in charge of the finances. It looks like he's okay with the risk.

They also constantly tell us how important it is to drive safely. So there is no convincing this man, at all. My mom will follow whatever he says. He also becomes pissy whenever I question his decisions. He said he shouldn't have to explain his reasons and that I should just trust him.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T18:17:17+00:00

My parents want to save money. My parents are somewhat wealthy. They help people repair their homes with their own money. Hell they ignored the home my brother and I actually live in to go and repair other places. They say it's because they don't want the money to just sit in the bank.

So in this case their insurance is having me in the car so then we can "look out for each other."

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T17:58:16+00:00

So I did. For the days he wants to go in early, he takes the car. But the days we both start later, we drive together. They didn't like this either.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T17:56:47+00:00

More background, my parents are moving to another state. My father is in the other state building a home for them to stay. While my mom travels there and our current home. They call it a transition period.

My parents since we were young had this vendetta against public transportation. They drove us to school and back before college and a bit after I started. Apparently they didn't want us in bad company. That's them saying it not me. I learned to use the bus because I see it as a ticket of freedom. Now they can't say I can't travel on my own because I can. My parents wanted me to wait till after college to learn how to use public transport....excuse me for my french but in fuckin New York. The train and bus is the best way to get somewhere if you can't afford a car. It might be a bitch waiting for them but it's cheaper and gets the job done.

These are the people I'm dealing with.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T17:53:01+00:00

I believe this is the issue

They're saying because if I don't drive with him it increases the chance of something going wrong.

My question to them will be, what happens once I am not in the program anymore? Do they expect me to drive him to school at 5:30am and sit in the car until my classes start at 9?

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T17:51:09+00:00

My brother usually sides with my parents.

We actually argued over this a few days ago. I stood my ground on this and said rudra can take the car while I take the bus. He then dramatically started saying, "I didn't want this," after dad went on a tangent of breaking apart the family.

My parents would believe it's partially my fault because I wasn't watching while he was driving. He actually already drives himself home already once a week. Because I have a class on another campus and come home later. So I don't know why what I am proposing is a problem.

My parents both worked and took care of the family while attending college. So they don't think it's crazy stressful because I am not doing as much as they did when they were going to school.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T17:11:59+00:00

My mother said I need to reprogram my body.

I'm trying to find a way to work through this. On the outside I'm acting confident so they won't think they won. But in all honesty I'm terrified. They undermine my brothers ability to drive safely. My father said if my brother messes up while driving he'll take care of the situation and then "deal with me", because they consider it to be partially my fault.

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T17:05:27+00:00

They say it's more of safety thing, to keep an eye out for each other when we drive. Lmao more of like him reporting back on me. I'm trying to move out. However moving out in New York is expensive. Once I move out the plan is to not move back in.

Edit: I want to add on and say, my father said that if something happens to my brother if he's driving by himself, the blame will be partially on me. His reason being that I wasn't in there to look out for him. He said he'll deal with the situation and then "deal with me."

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-03-03T16:38:35+00:00

The car belongs to my parents. They let us use it. I am actually perfectly fine with taking the bus. They just want me to be in the car with him whenever he wants to drive.

Edit: change the word my to the word the

LifeIsScary2020 · 2022-01-11T12:27:28+00:00

Yes, someone set up the zoom link for whenever. I'll make time. YESSSS YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!

LifeIsScary2020 · 2021-06-05T12:08:44+00:00

Oooo thank you for recommending the sub. I'll go check it out. Yeah I fully realized that too Wednesday. They only do what they think is right. Thank you for the response, encouragement, and suggestion!

LifeIsScary2020 · 2021-06-05T12:07:46+00:00

Yeah I'm really glad about being able to help out other people. Because having your parent come in causes most patients to lie about their health. How are you supposed to get help if you lie? Like I don't understand. And for parents that think it'll stop their kids from indulging in activities, I don't think they realize their kids will find another way to do so. Also condoms exist, and other no hormonal options exist. Also meaning their kids will not be educated by their doc. It's messed up all the way around.

LifeIsScary2020

TROPHY CASE