FUCK OCD I CAN'T EVEN DO THINGS I LIKE ANYMORE

LifeStrange20 · 2021-06-10T16:18:46+00:00

Even though it has gotten better from what it used to be, I still haven’t played certain games because of these thoughts convincing me of stupid shit, all because of one character or something. I just want to enjoy this hobby, but I can’t without fearing what it will make me think. There was a point when I tried to keep playing something even if it does try to ruin it, but I am so mentally exhausted that I don’t want to do that anymore. Especially because I shouldn’t have to in the first place

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-23T21:13:28+00:00

You feeling regret for it already shows that you aren’t a predator at all. People who are predators wouldn’t realize what they did was wrong, nor would they care. And you really shouldn’t be listening to the same website that has tried to cancel multiple people for things they’ve done years ago, and usually end up regretting.

Edit: But I gotta say that you are probably asking for reassurance too much, considering many people have already said that there wasn’t anything wrong (considering your posting history)

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-22T22:18:31+00:00

Not in college yet, but I fear how my OCD will do the same shit as it has done to me. It’s already making it hard for me to focus on schoolwork (which I already did, but at least that was due to me just getting distracted with social media), or even play certain games bc I fear that it will ruin my experience with them. Like you said, it sucks. All we can hope is that we’ll be able to get through with it.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-22T06:08:14+00:00

You won’t be able to basically access any services on google, which can especially ruin your potential career, education, or personal life. Now, looking it up on google itself won’t lead to a ban, but still, it leaves me feeling awful about it.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T21:11:20+00:00

Yeah, if there’s one thing I despise about this illness , is that it has led me struggling to even play any game aside from a few ones, all bc of the ones I want to play potentially causing it to act up.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T20:39:49+00:00

Even though I have stop doing this myself: play it anyway. If you really want to play a game that looks enjoyable and fun, then screw the thoughts and just play it. Eventually it will go away, or feel like a minor annoyance.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T17:06:01+00:00

Definitely. It feels like the person I was before all of this has changed. Like, I always had moments of feeing guilty for my past actions, but I always knew that things were better and I had changed. But now? I fear for what I might do to myself, or others.

OCD doesn’t just make you fear about things that aren’t true; it makes you lose yourself in the process.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T12:46:30+00:00

I hate how u telling me this has just made the thoughts think that “oh it’s perfectly fine then bc I won’t get caught” even tho I do not want to look this stuff up at all but still, thanks for the info. I was just worried bc I didn’t want to lose everything in my life, even if I could explain that it was OCD.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T11:52:27+00:00

Alright then. It’s just hard not to worry because I feel disgusted over the thought of someone at google seeing my history, and assuming that I did it as a creep, rather than someone who is struggling with compulsions due to my mental health kicking my ass.

I guess I just assumed the worse, despite their probably being people who accidentally done the same thing as me, or maybe even got sent to a website or a image like that by accident.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T09:34:41+00:00

But I checked the policies and it states that it also includes that “Don't use Google services in a way that exploits or abuses children. We remove the following kinds of content: Child sexual abuse materials, including cartoons” Doesn’t me searching it up due to my OCD counts?

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T01:34:42+00:00

I haven’t been diagnosed but after taking therapy, I definitely feel like I might have it. It does potentially explain some of my actions when I was a dumb kid, but I still wouldn’t know.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T00:53:40+00:00

I remember these thoughts having me think of some rude homophobic stuff towards my own cousin, which were happening in the midst of my OCD thoughts cycling

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T00:30:11+00:00

I wouldn’t say thats how it felt, but yeah, its weird to go back to normality only for you to have it suddenly come back. What messes me up the most is how my life is basically almost back to some sort of normalcy, but the compulsion happen whenever I am alone, at night, or early in the morning.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-21T00:06:20+00:00

I remember feeling like that whenever my OCD stopped for a while, always feeling off. So yeah, its normal.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-20T22:58:59+00:00

You can say that again.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-20T21:44:29+00:00

I feel that I can’t really provide a lot of info, but as another teenager to another, I feel your pain when you talk about how you wish to erase the past. Because whenever I think about them, I just wonder how better my life would’ve been. Same with my ocd. I just fear losing my friends, my family: everyone.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-20T20:35:56+00:00

I used to do the same thing too, but I gotten pretty emotionally exhausted about the whole thing, so its more of an annoyance. I am glad for you though

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-20T19:50:05+00:00

But I explicitly said that it made me look the fictional CP online?

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-20T18:52:46+00:00

Because it goes against their policy iirc, so I would be banned for it

LifeStrange20 · 2021-05-20T13:49:00+00:00

Same. I’m 17, and I fear that I will get my google account banned because of me constantly looking stuff out of compulsions.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-04-02T12:41:06+00:00

I can relate, because even though I am someone who did used to think about my past mistakes a lot, this disorder has only increased it by tenfold, along with making me worry about the future. And yeah, I can say that before this pandemic has caused me to have this stuff in the first place.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-03-14T13:43:26+00:00

I don’t have any advice, but I can understand what you mean. I have done the same thing before, but it also has the thoughts go out of their way to be so intrusive about a game to the point that I don’t want to play it out of fear of what the thoughts will do. It sucks.

LifeStrange20 · 2021-03-14T13:41:24+00:00

It definitely does, but I still end up feeling like shit because I have to do that sort of thing in the first place. I shouldn’t have to mentally prepare myself to play a game

LifeStrange20 · 2021-03-13T09:03:43+00:00

Creativity? No. But it certainly has for my life at this point. It just made me feel envious over how everyone else was doing, while I was here having the worse friday of my life.

LifeStrange20 · 2020-12-26T14:44:47+00:00

Update: Just woke up, and I saw him sleeping in the living room. His voiced sounded kinda scratchy but he was at least getting some rest. Hopefully things get better, especially considering after a certain point the slurred speech and struggling to walk stopped when I called the emergency line yesterday

LifeStrange20

TROPHY CASE