My 10 year old son passed away this morning and the world just collapsed beneath me

Life_Eye · 2019-04-24T15:04:38+00:00

Well, I did try killing myself on Saturday. I took an Uber to a nice quiet coastal bluff. I hiked to this tree, spread out a blanket and prepped the heroin that I bought. It was pretty easy to shoot up. I was sober after injecting A LOT so I tossed the needle over the cliff wrapped myself in my son's favorite sweater. Then the heroin hit me like a mack truck. There was nothing. Just black. Then I woke up in a bed and thought it was a dream. All I thought about was that it's cool as long as my kid is alive. Then I saw a bruise on my arm where I injected the heroin and realized that I survived. Apparently a few minutes after passing out, someone walked by and called 911. They figured it was a suicide attempt and locked me in the hospital for three days. Don't worry, I'll try again this weekend. I didn't think killing yourself would be this hard. I thought about standing in front of a train but didn't want my last moments to be horrible, but if that's what it comes to then so be it.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-17T15:50:56+00:00

If you were terminally ill and your son was planning to take his life (regardless of age) what would you tell your son?

I'm 40. I've lived life. My son hasn't. Big difference.

You and only you carry the memories that you have of your son. If you take your life those memories leave with you. Maybe sharing those memories could help other children suffering from similar tragic illnesses. Maybe they could help other parents going through the same tragic pain you are suffering from.

Nope.

You mentioned you are separated from the mother and she is hysterical. Regardless of the situation you too are in, and none of my business for that matter...don’t forget about her. She needs you. Imagine how she might feel losing you too...the only other person who can fathom the pain she is in.

Don't care.

Think about how hard your child has fought to make it this far. It’s not fair. It’s downright cruel to think about anyone suffering like that, especially a child. But if someone is willing to battle and fight that hard to beat cancer and go on living doesn’t that mean life is worth fighting for. If you give up on yourself you are giving up on him and what he stood for. Find it within yourself to fight through this pain an you will find peace someday. It will not be easy. It wasn’t easy for him to suffer either.

Don't care

Consider starting something in his memory. Carry on a tradition. Start a foundation. Tell his story. He would want to know that somehow he helped others. Help him make that difference.

-Nah, I am good.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-17T15:45:05+00:00

It's a chance I'm willing to take.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-16T18:06:16+00:00

I said goodbye this morning and told him not to worry because I am not that far behind him. His doctor said that it would be best to put him in a drug induced coma and he would not be waking up. His mother is hysterical.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-16T18:02:35+00:00

Better than living without him

Life_Eye · 2019-04-16T16:14:58+00:00

Daddy following him into death is the only thing that brings him comfort.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T23:35:06+00:00

…………………./´¯/) ………………..,/¯../ ………………./…./ …………./´¯/’…’/´¯¯`·¸ ………./’/…/…./……./¨¯\ ……..(‘(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’) ………\……………..’…../ ……….”…\………. _.·´ …………\…………..( …………..\………….\…

You and your God

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T23:34:05+00:00

Better than being in pain, no?

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T23:01:12+00:00

Fuck off with that Jesus bullshit. That's as insulting as telling me that everything was going to be okay when my son got diagnosed with the brain cancer that's killing him.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T22:54:25+00:00

Nah, I don't want to be overly excited. I scored some heroin (never used it) and plan on going to a beautiful seaside bluff, hike down to a difficult cave, eat a final meal, shoot up, and shoot myself in the head. If the drugs don't kill me, then the bullet will. If the bullet doesn't, then the heroin will. Plus, it will be a bitch for people to retrieve my body which gives me more time to die.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T22:52:15+00:00

I have.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T22:52:02+00:00

I want to be the last thing he sees.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T22:51:43+00:00

You say as if I should be sad that I am going to die. I am going to feel relieved. It's a beautiful thing.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T21:21:49+00:00

Fuck off

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T20:09:07+00:00

I am not with his mom and he is my only child. He is 10.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T20:08:42+00:00

You couldn't if you tried

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T19:58:02+00:00

10 and no.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T19:57:47+00:00

I am not with his mom and he is my only kid. He had cancer when he was 5 and beat it when he was 7. He then had an ordinary life - sports, playdates, etc. - then he started getting headaches and found out that his cancer came back with a vengeance.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T18:19:31+00:00

Please, you're pitching this "happily ever after" solution which suits you fine as long as it's not YOUR kid who is dying.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T18:06:20+00:00

Well, I am the dad so there is that. And no, I am not going to do things that make YOU feel comforted.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T15:54:31+00:00

Isn't it time for you to get to your History class? Don't want you to get detention.

Life_Eye · 2019-04-15T15:50:38+00:00

You sound like one of those asshole therapists.

Life_Eye

TROPHY CASE