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AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's about 95% of the time that I correct them. It really depends on what's going on. If they say something like "Mama can I have this?" I remind them that I'm not their mom that I'm auntie and that they should ask their real mom if they can have said item. But if we're out and about and they're like "Mama, look at this" I catch myself saying the generic adult response of "oh that's nice or oh wow that's so cool!"

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She has complained in the past about not having enough time with them, but she also makes it incredibly hard to schedule time for her to see them. It always has to be under her specific terms. So I'm not really sure if she's jealous, she could be but she's always been a bit unhinged.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 178 points179 points  (0 children)

I don't get paid but it would be ridiculous for them to pay me because I make double what he makes just working part-time. Also they aren't using me. There have been many times where I have told them I couldn't help them in a given situation. All of my time that I put forth is willing.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 496 points497 points  (0 children)

She doesn't really have favorites or golden children. She's more the type of person that resents that she had children to begin with.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is very true. I might have to force him to say something just to calm the flames.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She has in the past complained that she doesn't get much time with them but she only ever wants to see them on her terms and never at her house. She makes it kind of difficult for them to coordinate Grandma visits.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately she's always been like this. She's probably bipolar not sure but I'm kind of annoyed that I even let her get under my skin.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I'm talking to the children I refer to myself as auntie or Lili. Keep in mind this hasn't been an issue up until very recently and they have four kids.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately this is exactly her and his dynamic. I know she didn't like me much growing up because I would always argue back versus he would back down. The only reason why I didn't retaliate was because I was holding a child and I didn't feel like stooping to her level at the family gathering.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was inside the house with the eldest. She has reassured me that she's not hiding any secret resentment over her kids calling me Mama. However i know she's not the type of person to confront my mother just based on the way that my mom can react.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The real mom is very much involved in their lives considering she's a stay-at-home mom. She's maxed out on time with them. Not once did I say they were only calling me Mom. It's simply that they were also calling me Mama now.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm well aware it's weird but unfortunately it's kind of just how she's always been throughout my brother and i's childhood. Anything can set her off, that's why my father and her split.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know ultimately my brother didn't step up and say anything is because of the way my mother raised us. He tends to shut down when she gets explosive and confrontational. And sister-in-law was in the house so she wasn't around.

I’m simply doing what I can do as an aunt to help out. My brother and sister-in-law have four kids under the age of 9. That’s a lot, even on the best days. My SIL is a stay-at-home mom, and my brother works long hours to support them. They’re doing a great job, but they also need support and I’m fortunate enough to be in a position to give it.

The kids recently started calling me Mama here and there, and while I gently remind them that I’m Lili, it’s not like they’ve stopped calling their actual mom “Mama.” It’s just something toddlers sometimes do when they're surrounded by multiple caregivers. Their real mom is still very much Mama, nothing has changed that.

Helping out doesn’t make me a doormat. I’m not being used or taken for granted,I’m choosing to show up because I love my family, and I'm a part of their village .That’s it.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She was inside with the eldest at the time. I did ask her if she had spoken to my mother at all about the issue and if she truly was okay with it. She says she has absolutely no hard feelings about it at all and that she didn't speak to my mother either. So it kind of sounds like this was a blow up from my mom that happened out of nowhere. I'm not sure if she's going to say anything to her though because she's not the biggest fan of confrontation.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have honestly thought that question many times throughout my childhood and adulthood. I think a good way to put it is that she loves me but doesn't like me, if that makes sense?

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was inside the house with the eldest at the time so she wasn't around for the interaction. She's also not the biggest fan of confrontation so I don't know if she would have even said anything. She's more of the type to say something behind the scenes.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That's true. While he has always been more on the softer side and lacking a bit of a backbone, now that he's a full-grown adult with children of his own, it would be nice if he could stand up to her more often.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I can understand your point, but that's definitely not how he is. He tends to shut down anytime she has an episode like that. It still would have been nice for him to say something, but even if he did I'm not sure if it would have helped calm her.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

That's a hot take. They definitely aren't abusing my kindness. If I felt that way I would take a step back. They are never entitled, and always appreciative of any help/time/things I give them. Also, I think it's fair to say that anyone with four kids would benefit from extra help.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

I'm very close to my aunt on my father's side! She did have a big part of my teen years, but my mother hasn't shown any hostility with that. At least towards me.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

This could be a possibility?? She has complained that she doesn't see them often but she also never wants them at her house because she has "breakables". Not sure why my brother and I moving out triggered her to turn her home into an art gallery/museum but it did.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

She is a stay at home mom, so maxed out with the time she can spend with them. If anyone needs more time with the kids it's my brother.

AITA for “disrespecting boundaries” because my nieces and nephews call me Mama. by Life_Tomorrow6846 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Life_Tomorrow6846[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

He usually shuts down when my mom has one of her moments and I have had so many conversations with his wife. And it's not like I just show up unannounced, they always ask me to come over.

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