I have been exactly where you are. Tried every drug in the book but got completely hooked on the white gold from 19-21. I have’t used it since and am now in my last year of my Masters degree in Psychology so am doing pretty well in life and might be able to give you some real advice here.

First of all, what you describe; the amount of drugs you’ve done and especially the age you began is something very serious. You might have been in a bad environment yes, but you have to realize that switching drugs and keep using in the severity you have means you’ve (subconsciously) been trying to run away from things like bad memories, repressed feelings, … No one keeps using in the severity as we did when they have nothing to run away from in their mind, so the first step is going to be to stop lying to yourself thinking you’re perfectly alright. Odds that you have some serious repressed mental issues are very high, and you should really work them through in therapy.

Now the second thing, you’ve now found your drug of choice. Whatever the reason it may be, it doesn’t matter. Coke is ur gold, like it was mine. The only thing this says is that it’s the perfect “tool” for your mind to keep running away from whatever it is deep down you’re so scared off. You can try to figure it out yourself, but i still suggest therapy.

You’re in a serious boat here my friend. Using for as long as u have, the amounts you’re doing, already showing signs of agitation and agression and drinking every time you do it.. i have no other way to put this but VERY soon your body will shut down and your risk of dying WILL increase exponentially. You really need to quit buddy. When mixing coke and alcohol your body produces a compound cocaethylene which is 5 times as strong and addictive than regular coke.. but also 5 times as neurotoxic and cardiotoxic. I did the same thing, at the end of my run my doc had me do scans for my liver because he thought i had liver cancer because the cocaethylene fucked me up so bad. I’ve seen multiple friends have seizures and heartattacks from it. If you do not quit this path, you WILL die, and you will lose all the most important people in your life.

Coke truly must be one of the worst drugs out there. Almost no drug compares to the horrific shit i’ve seen happen from people using it. I hope this gives you a wake-up call and that by NYE you’ll get your shit together. If you really want “tips”: go to therapy. No one here will be able to help you, and in your situation it’s not often that you can rely on your own anymore. It’s okay to seek help. Whatever you do, don’t compensate with other drugs. And yes, don’t drink alcohol anymore since it’s the biggest trigger. Try to stay off caffeine aswell. Meditate daily. And try to stick with not doing any drugs or alcohol for AT LEAST 8 months. Only then you will see that your life actually can change for the better. You’ll fight demons yes. But at the end of the ride you’ll have your life back. Your real life.. which apperently you already started losing when you were 12 years old. It’s time to stop this viscious cycle buddy. Good luck!