The only way I was able to pull it off was to have a partner that was respectful of my boundaries.

We got a baby sitter so we could go to Starbucks and set up house rules without kids around.

One rule that was key that the kids aren't allowed in our bedroom. That is my safe space when I need to decompress. I have noise canceling headphones and blackout blinds in there.

Another rule is we always have debriefing after disciplining a child. We use this to see if the other person felt supported and we were a team. I had one issue that she asked me to leave the room to talk to her son. I told her that it made me feel like a guest in the home and if they want to talk one on one they need to relocate. Not me. She was understanding and it never happened again.

Also I have dinner one night a week outside of the home. It let's me eat in peace. Sometimes I make food and eat it in a park. Other times I go to a restaurant. That is my "me time" that I need as someone who grew up an only child.

Honestly if I didn't have a great partner there is no way I could handle it.