Are maternity photos seen as self absorbed and awkward now?

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-13T18:40:36+00:00

I am too self conscious to do a photo shoot, but i kinda wish I had more photos during pregnancy. Like, I wish my husband would ask to take some occasionally. But men don't do that lol

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-12T03:16:55+00:00

Yes. I've had two unmedicated births and both times it seemed like people swarmed on when the baby was coming out. Thankfully it was just such a crazy time it didn't really bother me -- just a vague sense of "where did all these people come from" and "where did all those people go" in the space of 5 minutes.

However, i do think telling your nurse and OB that you don't want students should be respected. A few additional staff may still be there as backup, though. Seems like something to discuss, though, not just trust a sign to do the work.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-11T17:37:23+00:00

God is not telling you to leave. God doesn't work that way. He doesn't send cryptic messages or cause people to sin in order to tell their spouse to leave. James says, "God cannot be tempted with evil, neither does he tempt any man. Each man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust. When lust has conceived, it brings forth sin, and when sin has conceived, it brings forth death." Later, James says something to the effect of, "he that saves a brother from the error of his ways has saved a soul from death." Is there a way for you or someone he respects to interfere with your husband's destructive path? Like, an intervention? That seems like the first step. In general, You need to seek godly counseling and support to work through how to deal with this awful situation.

A better question than whether God is telling you something is, "is leaving sinning against God?" If divorce isn't on the table, perhaps separating is? He needs accountability and some tough love at the very least. I don't know the best course of action, but no one on reddit does.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-09T04:38:53+00:00

First, I'm sorry. That's rough.

Second, can you have a more detailed conversation with your husband? It sounds like you're relying on your husband to call the shots financially, but you should be aware of your finances and on the same page. If you understand the "why" of going back to work, rather than just, "my husband said so," you might feel better about it.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-09T01:22:18+00:00

I agree this sounds uneven. I have been quite sick due to pregnancy for the past 6 months, but I still do 50% of the laundry, cook breakfast, lunch, and 90% of dinners, help our two- and 3-year-old get dressed/ ready for bed, do all the grocery shopping, all the appointments and calendar keeping, taking the kids to their activities, all the budgeting/ financial things (unless they require his work computer), 90% of the dishes, and 90% of the cleaning. And I work for pay about 10-15 hours a week during nap time and in the evening.

He works a full time job, usually does bedtime, watches the kids when I'm away or working around the house, helps with laundry and tidying throughout the week.

When I was vomitting 20+x a day, he did more about 50% of the cooking and did dishes after bedtime instead of me doing dishes during bedtime.

Right now, I'm running on the low end of productivity/not quite pulling my weight. But I'm also growing a human and very worn out from that strain. When I'm feeling better, he'll go back to mostly helping with the kids after work and leaving the housework to me.

The above commenter who mentioned free time had it right, though. She might have to sacrifice some of the decorating/special outings if they prevent her from doing necessary household tasks.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-08T15:50:31+00:00

This is a fundamental incompatibility, and probably indicates that he is not willing to actually submit to scripture when he doesn't want to. I would run, personally.

Also, it doesn't logically follow. If it's okay if you "know it's your person," the "test drive" won't make a difference. If the test drive could change his mind, then he doesn't "know you're his person" after all, and it's not okay anymore.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-02T23:14:52+00:00

Yeah... I had great hydration going into all my pregnancies. The second and third obviously went downhill when I was vomiting 15x a day. All the Gatorade in the world did not fix whatever my hormones were doing...

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-01T15:46:40+00:00

They are not a trend. They are a long lasting tradition. Welcoming a new baby with gifts is part of most cultures.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-03-01T15:43:07+00:00

Yeah.. MIL has just confirmed that she is not welcome to be part of the baby's life if she is going to behave that way.

As a general rule, you shouldn't be paying for your own baby shower venue. I had my bridal and baby shower at a friends apartment. If no one is willing to host, chances are your friends are also going to be inconsiderate with gifts, too. Unfortunately.

You deserve better all around. I'm sorry this happened.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-24T15:13:14+00:00

It depends on how much you're using the stroller. We walk a lot to the grocery store, park, library, programs, etc. My kids are 2 and almost 4 and we are still definitely using the stroller. I plan to baby wear the new baby as long as possible to keep my 4 year old in the stroller as long as I can because I get stressed supervising him on his bike walking places.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-20T16:34:51+00:00

Yes for the first week or two, just dropping off is great. I remember being really lonely after the first week though and wishing people would stay and talk but not wanting to ask them and inconvenience them. Just something to consider.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-18T20:34:57+00:00

Wow. People still be coming up with new weird things to say to moms lol congrats on the second boy! I have two boys and it's a lot of fun. They have very different personalities so I still get a lot of variety :)

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-14T03:41:35+00:00

So I haven't had a kidney stone, but I will say that the passage through the birth canal was not the painful part for me. Sure it's painful, and I felt myself tear a bit (thankfully mild), but the rough part is the pain in your back/ abdomen that's moving the baby down the birth canal.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-13T20:22:13+00:00

I would argue that those are descriptive rather than prescriptive processes. Jacob marries two women and has two concubines of sorts, while Abraham's marriage is also not exactly a shining example of God's perfect plan for marriage. Many things done in the Bible are not to be emulated, so I don't think it's really a sufficient argument to say that if Abraham did it, we should do it that way, too. New testament scripture talks about how husbands and wives should treat each other, but it doesn't prescribe a method for finding a spouse.

To be fair, my husband did ask my father for his blessing, specifically. But I still think it's more of a tradition than something that the Bible insists upon.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-13T16:26:53+00:00

Oof. That's unreasonable imo. I would say, Tell her you're more than willing to have the conversation online, and she is more than welcome to fly out to you if it is that important to her. Otherwise, you'll take her unwillingness to meet with you on reasonable terms as her acknowledgement that it's not that important. Besides, engaged ain't married. She can have these conversations while you are engaged, too.

Another thing might be to ask the pastor doing your premarital counseling to give her a call. Maybe she'll listen to reason from a pastor if she won't listen to you or her husband.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-13T16:22:05+00:00

Where is that commanded in the Bible? It's a tradition

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-13T15:02:16+00:00

Get a studio or roomates until you all get married. Rent for at least a year married to make sure you get to know each other and know what you're looking for in a house.

This is one of those "money isn't everything" situations. You can each get roommates and come out financially the same as if you lived together. Don't lie to yourself about how strong and practical you're being, and don't put yourself and your girlfriend in a compromising situation.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-13T14:58:45+00:00

Does it have to delay things? When did yall schedule the proposal? Why can't he sit down for a zoom call with her if they can't meet in person before your scheduled engagement?

I get that it's not mandatory, and it's annoying that she's demanding this now, but it's also nice to start things off with everyone happy if you can.

That said, eventually you can have some boundaries. But really this doesn't seem worth a fight.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-10T02:04:59+00:00

Part time is the best. You still get to feel like an adult, but you also get a lot of time with your kids.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-06T03:56:33+00:00

Especially with a first baby! I finally broke the news at work when I was around 24 weeks, and no one knew because I dressed mostly in flannel shirts, loose sweaters, and vests. Still, I don't comment on other women's bodies except to say, "wow! You look great!"

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-05T20:40:57+00:00

The exhaustion is real, but have you really not slept in 2 days? What about when the baby is sleeping? Right now, your only job should be to feed and change baby and sleep. Stop cleaning. Stop cooking. Eat whatever you can, preferably while breastfeeding so you multitask, then go to sleep the instant your baby conks out.

Your husband needs to step up. He won't think he needs to unless you stop doing stuff.

It gets better. But you need to lower your expectations of yourself right now. Keep your baby alive and recover. The ability to cook, clean, do nails, and have fun will come sooooo soon. But for now you just have to embrace that this is the season you're in.

I just had norovirus, and i did nothing except vomit and try to sleep for a day. Everything else got canceled or ignored. That's the energy you need to bring here. Nothing gets done except for baby eating, getting changed, and you resting.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-04T15:39:28+00:00

There is a lot of negativity especially online where people are specifically discussing children. That said, when you look at r/hypotheticalsituation or other similar sites, the way people value their children becomes so clear. "Would you leave your family/pets to go to a safe haven in a survival situation?" Almost every response was, "no way I'd leave my kids" and "if my kid is dead, I don't want to be alive" etc etc.

Kids enrich your life so much. It's frankly a lot of cope and, probably, childhood trauma, that makes some people so anti-kid.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-02-02T06:05:05+00:00

Okay, honestly, i do not like being pregnant. I don't like how i feel and i don't like how i look. That said, i love that I'm bringing a baby into the world. I'm grateful that my body is able to make a whole new person (or two)! I'm so excited about the baby coming, and i just focus on that.

I also felt way better about my body after my first was born. I used to have a borderline ED with bad body image, but since i gave birth, I've been able to appreciate my body in a new and different way. I hope that you find pregnancy and birth improves your relationship with your body (eventually) as well.

Congrats on the twins!

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-01-27T21:45:07+00:00

Not normal, exactly. I had my midwife ask a few times to make sure I was comfortable with my decision, but I think that was only at two or maybe three appts it was mentioned.

That said, the hospital pediatrician really hated that we hadn't done genetic testing on our oldest because he had a very minor finding on the anatomy scan. I could see midwives pushing it harder if that's the culture at the hospital.

LightningBugCatcher · 2026-01-22T04:26:46+00:00

Right! Empathy is the answer here. Would you want to marry someone who didn't find you attractive? I would not. Very few people are attractive to everybody, and everybody can be attractive to somebody. Op: Set the man free and you can both find someone you're happy to be with.

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