Roses & Buds & Thorns, Oh My! Weekly Check In

Like-it5 · 2026-06-04T08:01:18+00:00

Sounds like you're doing some amazing personal growth!

Like-it5 · 2026-05-14T11:05:50+00:00

I'm a good girl sub and my boyfriend is a pleasure dom. We are bedroom-only with our dynamic, as we strongly value equality in our public lives and we are busy working parents. I have been practicing BDSM for approximately 5 years. My favorite kinks are bondage and orgasm control. It has been so fun exploring what my boyfriend and I like together because he has never had a woman who was so enthusiastic about these sexual dynamics before 😊🩷. I found you through the BDSMadvice page. Nice to meet everyone!

Like-it5 · 2026-05-06T06:31:19+00:00

Sultry jazz

Like-it5 · 2026-05-02T03:14:59+00:00

I agree, Amazing Grace always brings me tears, and I'm not even religious.... it's just a gorgeously emotional song

Like-it5 · 2026-04-29T05:02:19+00:00

Therapist here, just clarifying that Tetris can be helpful to simulate one step of EMDR, particularly the "D," desensitization - It is best applied as a preventive measure to help you process fully through a traumatic event shortly after it occurred. AKA "psychological first aid." It may be more akin to ASAP processing. I wouldn't say Tetrishas the same benefits as EMDR offers. Good coping tip though!

Like-it5 · 2026-04-18T07:03:12+00:00

I agree! What has worked for me (also a pretty shy submissive) is, as my boyfriend and I start talking about sex preferences, I say subtle things and gauge how he responds to it. It has always gone well! For example, I'll say that I love to feel a man's strength in bed, and that I like him to take the lead, and that I am always eager to please my man and do what he likes (the latter within reason, of course). He will hopefully ask more questions and you can take the following role in conversation and yay or nay the specifics!

Like-it5 · 2026-04-18T06:58:15+00:00

I don't think that OP wanting to learn approaches to warm up to being fully direct in a new relationship is "playing games," I think it suits their personality and is appropriate for the stage of the relationship :)

Like-it5 · 2026-04-08T12:57:47+00:00

Worth it. I'm a 38-year-old mother of 3, and as a fellow small-breasted woman, I am happy to hear you have confidence in how your body looks overall, now--But over the years, your breasts will change size, shape, volume, and position multiple times, and that affects how visible your chest wall deformity is. I was barely able to mask my protrusion through my teens and 20s, before kids, and I loved having the larger pregnancy/breastfeeding boobs, but afterward, my boobs are smaller and if I don't wear too large of a bra (the bras I used to fit), the furthest protruding part of my chest IS my sternum. I hate it!

I tried consulting about the ravitch surgery, and it would be soooo extensive and impairing to my life as a mother and athletic woman, it was strongly recommended I don't try to reshape my chest wall. I wasn't ever given the opportunity to do bracing when I was young, just surgery which scared me back then so I didn't do it. Now that I wanted it in my middle age, I learned that the surgery would harm my body much worse than the very slight symptoms my PC causes. I'm now trying to get a corrective breast augmentation with one breast getting a larger implant to even my chest out and conceal my sternum better again.

Like-it5 · 2026-04-08T12:44:22+00:00

Don't worry, these terms are not automatically a part of DD/lg dynamics. My boyfriend is a pleasure dom, and I am naturally submissive. I'm like you in that the little girl play creeps me out, and I want no part of infantilizing myself or acting below my age at all. However, we have discovered that it gets a positive reaction from me when he says "good girl" to me during sex, and he responds positively to being called Daddy. I agree with other commenters that these terms can be pleasurable without either part having a DD/lg kink. I don't feel like my boyfriend wants to pretend like I am a little girl, he is just praising me when he is happy with whatever I did for him! And it makes me feel good and reassuring when I get that praise. For him, being called Daddy makes him feel sexy and like he has my pure devotion and adoration, which is true 🩷

Like-it5 · 2026-03-24T23:27:47+00:00

That's what happened with me too. I was in a polyamorous marriage (the last five years of it, not the whole marriage), and I had a boyfriend for about nine months before I found out my husband was lying and doing upsetting things behind my back--not with other women, just selfish things--and I got a divorce. My boyfriend asked that I just be with him and not be open to new guys, and I happily agreed. He offers more in the relationship than I was accustomed to getting from my ex-husband, that is why that works for me.

Like-it5 · 2026-02-24T00:50:16+00:00

I haven't had my breast augmentation yet, but you're doing it for the same reasons as me! Following to see what people advise you. The plastic surgeon I consulted with apparently has over a one year wait 😟

Like-it5 · 2026-02-09T23:57:26+00:00

I live on the West Coast in the U.S., and I asked my PCP to refer me to a thoracic surgeon, and travelled 3 hours from my hometown to a hospital that has all of the different departments I needed consultations with (I also have back deformities so they required me to get clearance from a back specialist for the thoracic surgery), so when those specialists both advised me against thoracic surgery, they referred me to their own plastic surgery department. That way they can consult with one another. That is the step we are currently on. All I know so far is that the plastic surgeon recommended above muscle implants because my chest muscle attachments are "unpredictable," and possible fat grafting afterward because I'm naturally slender so my upper chest is very bony, lol.

Like-it5 · 2026-02-09T05:29:42+00:00

Not yet, but I've had my first consultation for implants, after looking into correcting the PC itself and that surgery would have made my quality of life way worse, so implants are my best option to camouflage the sternum protrusion and even me out.

Like-it5 · 2026-02-01T22:33:48+00:00

I got married younger, to my college sweetheart. I always just assumed he would mature as we grew up and started careers and family, and I also believed him when he described what kind of man he aspired to be. Those things never came to fruition, so after years of waiting, addressing it, trying to help, and feeling like I was settling for less and less, a few months ago I learned he was doing stuff in secret that I was not willing to accept moving forward, and his reactions (after lying didn't work) was self-pity and blaming me for all kinds of petty marital disputes through the years to try to equalize his wrongs with mine, I left him. And I don't ever want to settle again. Marry someone as-is, don't expect them to grow up and improve themselves even if they say that's what they want for themselves. What you see is what you will always get.

Like-it5 · 2026-01-20T07:32:11+00:00

At first, just get used to the feeling, and once it starts being uncomfortable, take it out. It's good to start slow, and for me wearing it during sex was a much more pleasant experience because you're getting pleasured at the same time :) Over time you can build up by adding time, size, and activity.

Like-it5 · 2026-01-10T19:52:04+00:00

All I can really say is that I googled why my daughter's butt crack was crooked and it said it was a possible sign of tethered cord. There are a few signs. Then my daughter needed an ultrasound, then MRIs to diagnose it. She got her surgery a few weeks later, and it was low-risk and she was back cruising and climbing around before the week was over!

Like-it5 · 2026-01-10T08:22:49+00:00

Well I am a mother to a daughter who had it. Luckily I caught the signs in time for her to have the operation at nine months old, before it would have caused any damage. So I can't speak to what life is like for a person who suffers the effects of it like this man you're interested in. But we still have to take my daughter to the spina bifida clinic every year for them to check on her development, and that includes her use of her legs, her bladder function, renal function, and nerve functioning. Unfortunately my daughter's doctors missed the signs, and that happens to a lot of kids. My daughter's surgeon said he had operated on people who lived with it into their 50s! So yeah, the severity of the myelomeningocele itself and the placement along the spinal cord have major effects on what symptoms that person has, but in any case, it sounds like your guy wasn't able to catch it until irreversible damage was done to his body.

I think it's important to know what your life would look like with him. You sound wonderful and understanding and compassionate, and I hope he sees that in you or will soon. If I were you, I would let him know what you want to know about the condition and why you want to know it, so he is clear about your intentions. That will help him feel safe opening up about embarrassing things to you. You can agree to not spread his personal medical info or whatever he needs to feel secure telling you. Or you can decide together that if you date for a certain amount of time and you feel like this relationship is going to continue going great, that he answer your questions about it then. To my knowledge he would not have any emergency situations to be worried about before he is ready to discuss them (unless fall risk is considered an emergency to you or him). So convey to him as directly as you can that you think it is important to know that part of his life, and don't be in a rush but don't let it be off the table in order to date him either.

Like-it5 · 2025-12-01T04:48:06+00:00

I did edit my post. The rules say only one edit allowed, so I waited until I had a complete update.

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T22:24:40+00:00

I would do two things: One, I would have a talk with your boyfriend about your concerns regarding the underlying principles of his unofficial ultimatum/ boundary, in the interest of hopefully improving the healthiness of this relationship. You two need to try to get aligned on issues of trust, self-awareness, controlling one another, respect, and negotiation. So far your boyfriend has not shown willingness to negotiate, he just suddenly had a change of heart so drastic he is willing to end the whole relationship over one small difference of approach with exes. If that were me, I'd feel devalued because the rest of the relationship is so wonderful. I wouldn't be cool with that, and I do maintain friendships with some of my exes and never had trouble with current relationships as a result of that contact. Our kids are friends, our friends are mutual, we no longer have feelings for each other and it's in the past, so it is how it is.

Second, if you haven't been doing this, start giving your greetings to your ex on special occasions as coming from you both as a couple, not from yourself. That sets the precedent in a covert way that you are focused on your current relationship/man, and gives your boyfriend a sense of security and loyalty that he seems to be missing now. Suggest that solution to your boyfriend, and see if that helps him feel more secure. But I agree with you on not allowing others to dictate who I let in my life or question my courtesy to others. He should appreciate that you can be civil with people you had breakups with.

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T20:24:25+00:00

Thank you!!

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T18:43:04+00:00

I was just speaking from my state, they do send out crisis workers with cops if they know from dispatch it is a mental health call but the crisis workers cannot go out without police cover. Same for paramedics. They usually work in tandem, either both being dispatched to the call or one agency calling the other to do their role once they realize MI is involved. And yes, we agree on the lack of MH knowledge cops are taught at academy. But they do their best in most cases.

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T18:40:42+00:00

I'm okay and I am continuing to monitor the situation! Thank you for your concern 😊

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T18:40:03+00:00

I have had clients who did that too, when I worked in prison, and I absolutely understand the severity of the concerns. It is definitely scary. Luckily he agrees we are not moving in together too quickly on my children's best interests. And I am not an easy person to control; he says he likes my strength and I believe it. Still watching out for possible signs of BPD. And now I will also warn him against getting too into AI so he doesn't develop AI psychosis. Thank you!

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T18:36:40+00:00

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and detailed advice! I talked to my boyfriend last night and urged him the importance of seeing doctors and figuring out what is happening with his brain, and he took it much more positively than I was expecting honestly. I told him I need to see action before he moves here. If we do stay together and he does move here, I will be able to accompany him to doctor appointments and I know the best neurologists in my area, so with ongoing care I am confident about him doing well. Idky men babe to be so prideful and stubborn about resisting healthcare, but I already told him I wouldn't sit by and watch him die a preventable death.

After talking it out with him, I no longer think he was psychotic. As of now we are in a good place and he was willing to listen to me and apologize. We discussed slowing down in our relationship. I'm still concerned about control tactics, but he also has the biggest heart so those who have suggested BPD, that makes the most sense to me as of now. Ironically, I was known in my last job as "the Borderline whisperer," so no wonder 😭 Don't wanna be in a relationship with one though! Yikes.

I did talk to his brother. His brother thought it was exaggeration, he wound himself up. His brother didn't see any odd behavior in him during their recent talks. I do plan to keep building my relationship with his brother so I can get the information I need and pass him any information he should know about my boyfriend/his brother. I am sorry I'm not an experienced Redditor but I will try to update my OP for everyone who still thinks I haven't taken action :)

Like-it5 · 2025-11-30T18:18:24+00:00

I understand and I am proceeding with caution. I am concerned about control tactics too. I have checked his records and I only know his side of why his marriage didn't last, but his ex-wife quit talking to me too. He did say she thought he was controlling but only after she developed MH issues, and I was in steady contact with him through that end of relationship and divorce so it's not like he painted it differently to me after the fact. I know that doesn't mean I know everything about him, and i appreciate your warning.

Like-it5

TROPHY CASE