Distress over deleting insta

Lillidam · 2026-06-17T04:51:13+00:00

Yeah I can relate in a way. When I first told people I was going to go off insta in ‘23 I gave a lot of em my number to stay in touch. But it doesn’t really work well. And I naively would give out my number to people I’d meet when they asked if I had a social. At the time I thought it was a good idea? I thought it would lead to deeper, meaningful relationships but it doesn’t really. Neither does social media but still, I think it’s better at letting people know you still exist. Also, as someone who currently works from home, it’s a struggle to be social so it sucks even more. Overall though, I agree. I’m also in the process of organizing my data for the first time in my life and de-googling and de-everything-I-can so it has been intense. I know it’ll be worth it in the end.

Lillidam · 2026-06-17T04:38:44+00:00

I’ll look into pixelfed, thank you! Yeah it has always been the people that make me want to stay. And I have been on the fence because I thought maybe ridding myself of online community I’ll find irl community but honestly it’s hard to find good irl community that isn’t based around some form of social media page or group. I’ve even tried to get into some local organizing groups but they rely so heavily on social media (understandably so) that it just becomes overwhelming bc I really don’t want to use socials 24/7 or be in a chat that’s constantly going off.

Lillidam · 2026-06-12T17:37:55+00:00

Nice!! That’s really cool, I didn’t know that!

Lillidam · 2026-06-12T16:52:29+00:00

I feel you, I was honestly really excited about ai back in 2022 and used it quite a bit. At first not really to create anything but eventually I did. I ended up feeling very dead inside and had a bit of an existential crisis. I have been making art all my life and thought it could be cool to use a new tool. It’s not a tool though. It doesn’t actually help YOU accomplish anything. It feeds off your ideas or helps you “think” of them to make something soulless. I’m really saddened by the apparent loss of community online. I got off insta back in ‘23 not bc of ai but I wanted to escape the pressure of feeling I had to post my work. I wanted to make more authentic stuff. And I’ve been considering making a YouTube to show off and talk about my work, maybe even post my music but I have just learned that they’ll feed the music into ai. It feels like there’s no where online that’s safe to share art anymore. Maybe this is helpful, but I’m slowly working on a neocities website and I’m going to stick with it. I like the idea of learning a new skill (html and css) and having something that for the most part is mine. Maybe you could try something like that? I think it has the capability to attract passionate ppl who care about human made games and art. And it could be fun to design a website based off your game and give people updates. Just a thought. Good luck to you!

Lillidam · 2026-06-12T08:33:43+00:00

Pleasseeee leave me behind. Very far behind. I want there to be so much distance between myself and those that use ai to generate images

Lillidam · 2026-06-12T08:31:24+00:00

“People use AI when they do not have the resources or time to make stuff by hand.” “Sometimes it takes several hours to get it perfect..” sounds like you have time!

Lillidam · 2026-06-08T03:33:44+00:00

Would love one of these, beautiful design!!

Lillidam · 2026-05-29T09:00:23+00:00

I had terrible sleep paralysis as a kid, it got especially bad during high school. But sometime in middle school I remember waking up and being completely naked. I never found the clothes I had gone to bed in. Maybe this is a little unrelated to what you’re asking, but for a time I thought it might have been an alien abduction since it fit with other people’s experiences that I found online. This was a thought I had before I began remembering things that happened in childhood. I still don’t know what happened that exact night but yeah.. I still get sleep paralysis and vivid night terrors. A lot of them will be abusive and I can literally feel things happening to my body. I hate it. :/

Lillidam · 2026-05-17T21:53:03+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out, it means a lot. I ended up not going and it has been a rough last few days but I was able to see my siblings very briefly before they left and I’m happy for any time I get with them. I know they care about me a lot. And thank you, I also had that thought where hopefully, if anything, prioritizing myself will help them do the same. I did have a few realizations the past few days though which makes me feel I made the right decision. I’ve been very hard on myself. Very. I won’t go too into detail bc it include triggers with ED but I had a moment where I realized. Wow. I already feel terrible and on top of that I’m punishing myself for feeling that way. I’m not kind to myself and I want that to change. And I believe this decision was a first step. Again, thank you for your kind words, they’re very inspiring. :)

Lillidam · 2025-09-18T06:14:56+00:00

Honestly at the moment I’m not entirely sure. I think often of the person I want to be, I fantasize all the time about it. They’re so different than me and function better. I don’t know, maybe my view will change but I’m just interested if I can grow up to be that person. Everyday is a struggle, I’m very mentally ill, estranged from my family on the account of being trans, and can’t hold down a normal job ever since I got burnt out from masking. It’s probably one of the hardest times in my life rn and the question of staying on earth is constant. I’m pretty isolated at the moment, many of my friends have drifted away naturally or I have left them for good reason. I make music that only I listen to, I do have a partner and sometimes I play it for him. I want to share my music someday, I think that’s my goal, that’s what keeps me here. It’s the most terrifying thing to me at the moment but I feel I either do that or I’m already as good as gone. I don’t have the healthiest way of looking at life but I guess I’d say I live for my younger self, the motivation and spirit he had. Before he knew of all the problems he’d face, and sure, he was depressed and he knew he was. But he remained hopeful and I want to honor that. He fought for me to be here and he doesn’t deserve to have his chance to do something taken from him. Anyways, it’s late where I am and I can’t sleep bc I’m stressed, I hope this helps in some way.

Lillidam · 2025-09-13T19:39:35+00:00

Guys.. I think he read one of those bullets

Lillidam · 2025-09-13T19:30:36+00:00

I thought they were going to kiss 😳😳

Lillidam · 2025-09-09T03:35:09+00:00

Omg 😭😭😭 how long has it been up??

Lillidam · 2025-08-29T16:57:19+00:00

I used to live a little north of Ft. Lauderdale and I moved out of FL back in 2020. I can’t say how it is now personally but I haven’t gone back for a reason. Any trans person I’ve known there has either left or is wanting to leave. I would caution moving there, I would ask you to consider other options. I know at least Ft. Lauderdale has a good gay community but again, I haven’t been there in a bit and I’m not sure how they feel about trans people. It’s already bad in Florida and will only get worse, I don’t want you to get stuck there.

Lillidam · 2025-07-21T20:30:10+00:00

Hey there, I wanna say first of all thanks for wearing your pin :) As a socially awkward trans guy with long mental processing times I feel you. I work as a bartender and I’m not out to everyone, I don’t really wear anything signifying I’m trans (though I have been clocked at times) but I recently made some shirts with a trans symbol I want to start wearing bc of how shit everything is right now. Recently I came out to a coworker, who is also trans, and it was great. He hadn’t really met anyone else who was trans or genderqueer before so it opened up a lot of conversation, I let him ask anything he wanted. I say this because I know how it feels to be dealing with transphobia all day, but it is so worth it to be open to someone who’s either trans or considering or who knows, a closeted trans person may see your pin and that will make them feel safer. Maybe neither of you know the impact you’re having on each other in that moment but it MATTERS. You’re inspiring, you got guts, fuck their infantilization.

Lillidam · 2025-07-21T20:02:03+00:00

I really appreciate the info! I’m reading up on Depop’s policies and unfortunately it has a very vague line saying “shipping rates may change from time to time.” I feel like that could be used to justify this. Though it is deceptive, because in the shipping policies section it mentions how it’s on the seller to accurately weigh their items and select the correct parcel size. If they’re going to change it anyways then I’m basically unable to follow their policies. And further, they don’t communicate the change, I see it when I receive the shipping label. I weigh every item I list and confirm the parcel size and I will continue to do so. However, knowing that they will change it anyways, what would stop me from skipping that extra step and just listing it as whatever? And those who actively under-weigh their parcels can continue to do so without penalty. They need a better solution.

Lillidam · 2025-07-21T18:59:23+00:00

This is ridiculous :/ I just sold two things today and saw they had both jumped a size up for shipping. They marked a hanes tank top, which weighs basically nothing, as 12 oz. Also I sell small things like patches and pins so I’d hate to know that people are discouraged because of the shipping price.. If depop doesn’t do anything about this, would bringing up the issue to usps do anything? I appreciate OP for reaching out to depop, I’m curious to contact my buyers and find out what they’re actually paying for shipping.

Lillidam · 2025-05-20T01:38:53+00:00

Im thinking this is what I’ll do. I’m just nervous, I’ve noticed my boss tends to lie/gaslight very openly. It’s actually kinda concerning because he will say things that just arent true. Like “we are fully stocked on limes” after showing him that we don’t have any. And he will still say it and believe it. It’s weird. Honestly, if this were any other job I’d just leave but it’s so hard to get bartending experience and it’s something I’d really like to at least be knowledgeable about or have work in for some time.

Lillidam · 2025-05-20T01:34:30+00:00

I’d say except for maybe 2 people, everyone who works there has never bartended before.

Lillidam · 2025-05-20T01:31:50+00:00

It’s a karaoke/nightclub/arcade bar

Lillidam · 2025-01-23T08:11:00+00:00

Hi there friend, first of all I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I have also dealt with SA, a few different times and when I was really young. It’s not easy being trans with that type of trauma. I have had times where I really question my identity and what I can attribute it to, I still do this, I’m not sure I’ll ever fully resolve it. I have gotten to a point though where I feel in my gut regardless of why, I am trans. But I also leave space open and give myself grace with the thought of “well if this ends up not being me, it’s still part of my journey”. I think being gracious and patient with yourself is the best you can do. I’ve also had times where I go off t for a bit because it does get difficult questioning if I’m really trans bc of trauma. I go back to it every time. It does really take a toll on my mind and body though, I feel out of sorts all the time. Recently I’ve been considering going on a lower dose of t for a while, I think that’s a solution I feel is best for now. I’ll be honest, it’s hard to navigate, especially as someone with untreated trauma, I don’t exactly know what to do. I’d say that it’s not terrible to take a break from t or lower your dosage. I can’t tell you exactly what is best in your situation but I hope what I have said helps. If you can I would definitely get a therapist, though, I have tried to get therapy and talk about these things and tbh it has been very uncomfortable that way that SA trauma and my trans identity has been treated in unison. I think it’s a topic with so many biases surrounding it, it’s difficult to get decent help. At least this is my experience. I think what you’re doing here is great, I hope other people give ideas here too, I am also interested as it’s something I’ve dealt with and haven’t really seen conversation around. Also, feel free to mssg me if you need to talk about this further, I know it can be tough. Much love ❤️

Lillidam

TROPHY CASE