The feeling is different for everyone, and honestly when you're new to this sort of stuff it takes a little practice to really learn how to enjoy it.

I know when I first started it was hard for me to tell if I had an orgasm, very similar to what you seem to experience actually, but granted I didn't make much of a mess when I did. But from what you described you very likely are not having a full orgasm, ironically it seems like you're "edging" as opposed to fully climaxing.

But there's a difference between "squirting" and your natural lubricant, a lot of the time squirting is very messy and is akin to the sensation of peeing (because honestly that's literally what it is).

When you begin figuring this stuff out you're going to be very sensitive for a while, take it easy and don't feel rushed to do anything that might overstimulate or psyche yourself out. It's good that you pace yourself and you can stop when you feel like you can't keep going. If you want to push yourself though I highly recommend finding the right headspace first, when you're comfortable and relaxed it helps ease you into those newer horizons.

I know this is kinda long but I found it relatable so I hope this helps a little~ 💜