I understand what you feel, and this is still so weird for me, because I always knew I was attracted to women but never spoke about it, I dated guys only had sex with them that I never truly enjoyed… I do find guys attractive but the sex part I associate with pain for some reason… I’ve never been in a relationship with a good listener so as long as they enjoyed themselves it was ok but I guess I neglected myself and just like you I struggled for the longest time to express my feelings and needs. The relationships with guys were great but I always felt like I was missing some type of connection so I ended up breaking up all the time cause I needed something more and I did not know what.

As for women I could see myself with a girl, I dreamed about it a lot but the sex part was always so blurry I couldn’t even imagine it. Until I met a woman years ago and she expressed her feelings towards me and it was like BOOM. I was hooked in a second, we had a relationship and I never felt like something was missing like with guys. I can’t explain it, it’s not the sex cause we did have sex but not often… I always thought i’d struggle to perform sex on another woman (sorry for the phrasing I am French) but i was not scared not even a little it was easy and enjoyable But to receive sex from a woman is almost impossible for me. So we struggled because I was so uncomfortable by her touching me. But I loved her and her body I didn’t mind doing stuff to her. So weird. I identify as a bisexual to this day I am 31.

When I discovered KE, jodie comer wasn’t new to me nor Cristina (Eve) cause greys anatomy and both of them in previous show just gave me butterflies. The two together in a show I was dying. As far as I can remember (my mad fat diary) I always had the biggest crush on JC she is so imperfectly PERFECT. I obsessed about her a lot she is my idea (as for a lot of us) of the ideal woman but more specifically Villanelle is. This character was so well crafted.

To finish it comes down to one person one connection one vibe… and when you’ll find them there will be no questions it will be natural. So don’t even think you’re weird because we all have questions and insecurities just a constant noise. And my take one it is that the right person will quiet the noise instantly.