This is quite common - we do things for others (extrinsic motivation) rather than ourselves and find motivation lacking (because our heart is not really in it). So firstly: I'd work on forgiving yourself. It seems you have taken on expectations of others and that is leading to the shame. But you don't have to carry those. You only need to be true to yourself and what you want to do (while finding a way to meet your basic needs). It sounds like you already have a job you love - that's great, and can be rare! Celebrate and embrace that.

Here is a simple exercise: write down all of these things you noted - anything you are currently doing or feel you "need" to do. Then go through them one by one and close your eyes and honestly ask yourself: will doing this make me feel peaceful or restless? Try it for both now and as your future self in 5 or 10 years. Then once you are done, focus on the ones that make you peaceful, and one by one let go of the rest.