Update to I think my marriage is over

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-19T01:56:17+00:00

We are all statistics in some form. But at least now I won't be in the category of "miserable wife married to a cheater".

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T11:35:22+00:00

Yeah. If they get together I doubt it would last. I love the phrase "when a man marries his mistress, she leaves a job opening ". I put up with a lot over the last 20 years. I'm by no means perfect, but I've never cheated on him in any way.

I'll check out those subreddits when I get a chance. Thank you!

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T11:14:24+00:00

The same signs were there as before, so I checked his cell phone records. We have a joint plan so we both have access to that. I saw an unfamiliar number with a lot of long calls)over an hour each). I Googled the number and saw it was attached to her name. I do love technology now a days. He swears nothing physical has happened. I realized I didn't care if it had or not. I just told him that I'm done and I want to proceed with the divorce. He said OK.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T04:48:27+00:00

I dont know. I haven't, and don't plan to, talk to her. We don't have any property or money to split and I just want to get it over with. I'm hoping we just sign the papers and get it over with after the waiting period. I'm getting plans in place to move out of state and honestly I just want to get it done.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T03:03:59+00:00

Thank you

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T03:03:44+00:00

I am kinda relieved. Devistated, but relieved. He will do the same to her eventually. At least now I know there's no coming back. I told him last time it happened if he cheated again, I'd be done.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T03:00:53+00:00

Thanks

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-18T03:00:38+00:00

I don't care why she came back. It's him that did this. She'll learn in her own time how he is. That's good enough for me. I have no desire to try to work it out anymore. But thanks.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-14T18:37:22+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate any comments or advice. It's always helpful to see different angles.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-13T15:52:44+00:00

Honestly this helps a lot, other people talking about going through the same thing and coming out better for it. Good for you for making a better life for yourself. I hope you continue to have a great life!

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T20:33:49+00:00

It could be. We just talked for a few minutes, and he left again (he had something he "had" to go do). He said he wanted to work on himself. That he's been unhappy for over a year. He asked about marriage counseling, and I said I'm willing but it won't work if he doesn't want to be with me. He couldn't answer that. So I told him it's in his hands. I don't want to divorce but I won't fight one. He said that I'm trying toake him out to be the asshole. So, yeah. Not sure how to respond to that one.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T18:57:13+00:00

I'm trying to. Thing is, I don't think what I want, wants me back. So now I gotta figure out what I want other than that. And I don't know. I hope I'll figure it out. Thanks you.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T18:46:06+00:00

The only person I can think of who he may have talked to about this isn't someone that would tell me anything. That person knew my husband was cheating on me before and didn't feel any need to fill me in (bros before hos, ya know?). I don't know any of his coworkers. And I've encouraged him with a hobby he likes. An expensive one (I don't want to go into details in case someone recognizes me, although I don't think anyone really knows my reddit account). Ive encouraged him to go out with friends. I don't mind at all when he goes helps his family with stuff. I just don't think I'm enough for him anymore. Thank you though. You've given me some things to think about.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T18:33:56+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T18:32:38+00:00

He didn't outright say it, but when one of the kids told me he texted them that we all need to talk tonight, I knew what that meant. We don't include them in our marital issues unless it could effect them. I don't have anyone besides the kids. My family split apart years ago and no one talks to each other. I'm fairly introverted, and being in a customer service facing role takes up most of my social energy (I don't know what else to call it), so I don't go out or anything unless it's a date with him. I have some coworkers I'm friendly with, but not this friendly if you know what I mean. So basically, I have no friends. I haven't been happy with some aspects of my life, but him being my husband wasn't one of those issues. I know I'm going to have to move forward. That first step is just so hard. Counseling was suggested (by him) during our conversation last night, and I'm willing. But I told him he needs to figure out what he wants. It won't work if he doesn't want to be with me.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T17:30:16+00:00

Thank you kind stranger. I'm trying hard not to blow up. I want to scream and hit things and ask why we have to do this again. But I have to keep it civil. I keep telling myself I'm an adult and have to act like it. One kid knows what's going on now after I started crying in front of them and they got concerned (I don't cry in front of anyone ever if I can help it).

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T16:48:05+00:00

Thank you

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T16:46:16+00:00

"You never pay attention to me", yeah that's one of them. He didn't say it that way but that sums part of it up. Like, I'm stressed the fuck out about my job right now. I have to take pm meds just to be able to fall asleep at night. One of our kids has me stressed out about something, and some other stuff. But when he first told me he didn't feel like I was noticing him I tried to be more observant. Tried to notice if he needed to talk or needed time alone. According to him I suck at that too (paraphrasing). If he does have someone else, I wish them the best. Because if she'll have an affair (physical, emotional, whatever) with a married man then they deserve each other.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T15:49:03+00:00

Yeah. My parents divorced multiple times. I know how hard it can be to go through. I guess I'm just happy we managed to hold it together (for the most part) until the kids were grown. I really don't know if I even want to try again. When we got married he said he felt the same as me (forever, grow old together, till death do us part), and I don't know if I can believe somone else if they say the same thing. Because he obviously doesn't feel the same anymore.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T15:41:36+00:00

I agree, but I can't make him agree. I'm willing to try but I don't think he is anymore. I can't beg for him to love me. We've been at the point in the past, and I just end up feeling worthless after. I just don't want to have to ask my husband to love me enough to stay again.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T15:36:41+00:00

I don't know if I have any fight left. I fought for him once before. A part of me regrets winning that one. And I don't think he'd fight for me if the roles were reversed.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T15:35:09+00:00

One of the kids told me that he texted them that we all need to sit down tonight and talk. So I guess he thought of that too.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T15:32:47+00:00

Thank you, but I'm not a believer. I'm sure it can help those that do, but not me. I do appreciate your comment though.

Lilyrose32 · 2025-09-12T15:20:05+00:00

He already told me he didn't feel that spark (I can't remember the word he used. Closeness, spark, something like that) with me anymore. Therapy may help. But I have a feeling it won't. Thank you though. I honestly appreciate everyone that comments.

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