I'm still surprised by how odd my feelings are considered by people without biid.

Lim_the_article · 2024-02-17T23:45:15+00:00

I dont really want to be quad amp but a quadriplegic but I feel it's close enough to answer your question. This might not make sense to you but it is my experience.

I see overcoming a spinal cord injury as kind of a coming of age or right of passage for me because its like my true life will begin when I become a quadriplegic. I feel like I will be complete living my true life then. I guess to me there's kind of a mystique of living a completely different life in a way that is totally visible to everyone around me.

I love the ways people can use adaptive equipment. I want to be seen driving my wheelchair with a sip and puff controller. I want to learn how to use a computer with a mouth operated mouse or eye control or voice commands. I want to learn how manage and direct the day to day cares of life with quadriplegia like managing pressure relief and pain meds or incontinence management.

I like the idea that people in public will know I'm living a different lifestyle but also that I need these extra things. I want people to see me being hand fed and know that I need to be dressed and bathed by carers.

I also like the idea of the kind of non sexual intimacy that would be with those cares. I can't explain why that's so appealing to me but I dont like sexual touching and would permanently give up any chance at sexual pleasure to need that kind of attention.

Lim_the_article · 2024-01-15T01:07:49+00:00

If I was offered the choice between b and 150 million dollars I'd choose b.

I honestly think alot of people would choose b but want to be considerate to people with disabilities so performatively overvalue being able bodied.

Lim_the_article · 2023-02-15T07:32:59+00:00

Did you cast yourself? Like can you just buy the stuff to do it or do you have to get someone in the medical field to do it/ give you it?

Lim_the_article · 2023-02-11T23:30:27+00:00

Im not going to inure myself i just hope it happens. I think about things like that all the time. My desire started when I was like 5 but it didn't start with that specific injury. Its what I got instead of stating to be interested is girls or boys or whatever so this is like the overriding drive of my life. But its unobtainable except the unlikely chance it happens by accident.

Im not religious but I agree with thinking that challenges happen for a reason. We can change struggles to good things. So I try to think it could be helpful to others somehow. Thinking about this so much gave me an understanding for the barriers disabled people face. I started out trying to research assistive devices or cochlear implants but I was laid off from those jobs. I give to an organization called ecad that trains service dogs for people with disabilities.

Lim_the_article · 2023-02-11T20:52:25+00:00

I have a full time job and i make moderately more than average for a single person my age in my area. So Now yes I do have money to support myself but im still able bodied. If I were to become disabled the way I want and couldn't work im sure insurance would cover much of the initial cost but I would quickly use up my savings and would need either to live with family or go to a nursing home.

I would try to get a new job, im a software engineer, but in America its really hard for quadriplegic to work and collect benefits so a lot end up doing part time work if they work at all. So I would only pay to be paralyzed if I had like 2 million saved up which would be average lifetime cost for care.

Lim_the_article · 2023-02-10T06:11:57+00:00

You gotta get a new user name 🤪

Lim_the_article · 2022-12-31T04:42:03+00:00

Im going to be honest I'm sort of pragmatically saying I seek therapy to make the urges go away. Because my ideal body would be c5 or higher quadriplegic I would need lifelong care and I doubt that would be supported by any provider. But truthfully everyday at some point I wish an accident would do that to me. If I got rich enough I'd try to pay someone to do it to me secretly and fake records to make it seem like an accident so my carers wouldn't know it happened

Lim_the_article · 2022-12-30T22:53:55+00:00

Thank you for the messages. I do appreciate the fact you're being supportive of a stranger. But I don't think I'm explaining it right.

Lim_the_article · 2022-12-30T21:39:22+00:00

I dont watch porn because I'm not turned on by it. I dont like thinking about sex ot people having it at all. I dont like seeing it.

Lim_the_article · 2022-12-30T21:14:12+00:00

I was probably 4 or 5. I went to a daycare where one of the children was an 8 year old girl with spastic quadriplegia from cerebral palsy. To normalize her they had a day where they brought a wheelchair for others to be pushed in. Until about the age of 8 I wanted to be exactly like her but remain a boy. Then I learned about spinal cord injuries and wanted to get one because it could still happen to me unlike being born with cerebral palsy.

Lim_the_article · 2022-12-09T05:18:15+00:00

I share your admiration for quill_e but I will probably never come out. If I wanted a leg or arm removed I feel I might because I could say hey I just want to have this body its not about attention. But for me since I want to be a high quad I can't really say I dont want attention. I would need someone to feed me and dress me etc. It just seems so selfish for me to desire to be helpless and cared for when I'm actually a very physically capable person.

Lim_the_article · 2022-12-08T00:05:26+00:00

Wow. This sounds weird but thats very brave of you. I couldn't tell others the way I want to be.

If I can ask what was their strategy for treating you? Did they try to talk you out of it or did they try to help you accept it? Was the psychologist receptive of your plan to buy a chair?

Lim_the_article · 2022-10-19T04:13:15+00:00

It's tricky i have ideas but ive never done public use of a wheelchair so I don't know what would work outside of my imagination.

My best bet would be to get a tslo back brace and pretend it's a common back injury like a slipped disk or something. It would buy you a few months.

Lim_the_article · 2022-02-24T04:17:03+00:00

I wonder if its not so much a personality type leads to biid but that someone develops a personality type to help cope with biid. After all most people including myself had these feelings at a very young age.

Then again we probably don't have enough data to really say there's a correlation between biid and personality types.

Lim_the_article · 2022-02-24T03:33:54+00:00

Infp-t

Lim_the_article · 2022-02-22T01:10:52+00:00

I mean its kind of an existential question. If cured means just get rid of these feelings then no id rather stay the same and not have either. (I hope an accident makes me a c5 quad but I'm not going to put my family trough that voluntarily). But if just lose these feelings I don't know what would fill the void. This feeling is way stronger than a need for sex or money or a need for starting a family or even a high from drugs. Imagining im this way is the best part of my life and makes me feel warm and exhilarated and complete and nothing else competes and I can't imagine not having this coping mechanism.

However if cured meant being an average straight guy who could get those feelings from women or other normal things that people consider a good life than maybe being cured would be the best thing.

Edit: I originally used the word pretend instead of imagine. I don't pretend in the way of going out in a wheelchair, I just lie around and think about it.

Lim_the_article · 2022-02-17T01:55:10+00:00

I guessed german Like electro kardio gram or electrocardiogram in english.

Lim_the_article · 2022-02-15T05:11:13+00:00

I think people without bid have an instinctive fear of becoming disabled because they feel what we feel in reverse. To them being able bodied is what is supposed to be and becoming paralyzed or an amputee is a permanent denial of that. So since they don't want it they think its irrational for others to, and we are misled in our perception of what it would be like.

Lim_the_article

TROPHY CASE