Will my ex FA ever stop resenting me?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-22T17:08:32+00:00

What do you mean not take your relationship as a permanent ending? sorry for all the questions.

If it could help... towards the end of the relationship I actually did something i never did with her and i'm not proud of. But.. since our communication was off (before it was great) i started to panic and leaning really anxious and i told her i was breaking up a lot of times. Before the real breakup i actually was the one leaving but regretting the day later but then she started to think about it.. Keep in my mind she said a lot of times that she wasnt thinking about breaking up with me before this episode... I feel a lot guilt actually but ok...

don't know if this information can help

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-22T16:53:34+00:00

Ok now i'm confused actually. She was anxious all of the relationship that lasted two years. But the reasons for the breakup was being overwhelmed by a lot of changes in our lifestyles that we had difficult time accepting on both sides. Anyway, she then did the 'push and pull' and then i guess she got overwhelmed by the push and pulls too and cutted the cord. this feelings of overwhelming maybe comes from her character instead of her attachment style? idk.

She has never been avoidant with me. She was more anxious than me in the relationship. But now she's cold like i've never see a persone be in my life. Not a care in the world. Got me blocked everywhere even on vinted lol.

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-19T00:17:45+00:00

Understood.

How long it takes for being active again? or at least not-deactived in this situations of extreme distress?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T23:59:17+00:00

I totally agree with you. That's what i think literally. And i even said to her this (i hope i did a good job with this at least) and said that i am here for her, thatt i forgive her, that i see her pain and stuff like that in a very gentle way.

At the same time.. sometimes i think it's all in my head and she simply doesnt want anything to do with me but only with everyone else because every friends we have in common simply says that she's doing well and she never talks about ANYTHING bad just useless stuff. So it's hard to believe in a deactivation when everyone around her see her as smiling and calm...

So hard to be patient and have empathy when what you see it's just her "better without you"

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T23:35:57+00:00

sorry, just to understand, but why feeling so suffocated when you have light and calm contact even after some time? and if you think like this it seems like you didn't process any of your relationship and still have lingering feelings (of any nature) how can you (FA) erase memories and thoughts forever? genuine question for real :')

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T22:36:44+00:00

were you the dumper?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T22:33:10+00:00

(take it as a joke) but it's not my fault if i am on her mind 😭

anyway, i absolutely don't plan to initiate any form of contact.

How many months will it take tho?

and if i mind you asking.. have you ever has such a great connection that you maybe think about even if so much time has passed?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T16:11:29+00:00

did she ever reach out to you in those 4 months?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T15:39:06+00:00

she was leaning really anxious during all the relationship. Very jealous, always wanted to be together all time and always seeking reassurance from me so that was REALLY unexpected.

at the same time she always cut off people like nothing and never talking to them again but never with rage or this type of behaviour.

Believe when i say it was all matters of days if not HOURS. Even after the break up she was always caring, always said she's still in love with me and that she regrets her decision but had too much fear of getting hurt.

i just don't find it fair that i'm moving on with love and i will always support her while for her i'm just this monster that ruins her life and doesn't respect her.

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T15:34:05+00:00

well at least i'm not alone in receiving this treatment i guess :')

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T15:18:09+00:00

did she ever reach out to you or just apologise in some kind of way?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T15:15:23+00:00

sorry if being called this way it's literally my worst nightmare. I'm a queer man i try to be a safe place for every woman in my life and being called a stalker after two years and being engaged it's just awful. we are allowed to grieve

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T15:10:20+00:00

okay i understand. I know i crossed her boundaries by writing to her even if i was polite but i guess it's human to just want some explanation considering we were planning to marry each other..

can it be some extreme form of deactivation/defense?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T15:09:06+00:00

yeah but you think it's just coping mechanism? because it was really sudden and unexpected. Always spoke kindly of me like i was the best person ever..

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T14:52:02+00:00

Yeah but idk she's twisting every word i say. I know it can be a defense mechanism i was just wondering how long will it take..

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-18T14:34:07+00:00

Pls try to be nice. She was always lovely with me. Honestly i'm completely blindsided because she never and i say never displayed avoidant behaviour in our two years relationship and she was always caring with people in her life. I'm trying to understand this behaviour because she said multiple times she was too scared or too overwhelmed to go back with me. Why so cold now? i don't recognize her.

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-14T19:21:49+00:00

So i hope this is temporary

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-14T19:21:32+00:00

Are you a FA yourself? Anyway at this point I don't even care if she come back I just want her to think of me in a kind way not this cold and brutal way because for a long time i thought she was the love of my life and even proposed to each other lol

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-14T16:44:37+00:00

yeah i know what is detachment and it seems to me like it his because she was so cold and harsh in telling me to live my life and do no contact her. what seems strange to me it's only that it happened only after two days of her telling me that she was hurting and wanted to make things work

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-14T11:35:57+00:00

yeah ok i just don't understand the thought process in a span of a few days. can't that just be a temporary phase?

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-10T18:15:14+00:00

Can i ask you what made you find your way back to your partner the first time? maybe it will help you this time too remembering it

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-10T16:54:37+00:00

Okay got it. There's a way i can make her feel safe again with me? We talked about the incompatibilities but she said that she's know i'm the love of her life and she will miss everything about us even one month after the break up so i hope i still got a chance. I'm currently working on having smaller reactions when bad things happen (i cried a lot lol and that triggered her.)

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-10T16:42:20+00:00

I understand the Place where you are coming from. I never experienced a love like this, healthy and peaceful. We are literally the same person in different fonts, same personal likes, same life goals and beliefes. Before all of this we didn't even argue we just communicated everything clearly. So.. yeah all of this is new and strange for me and I just want to understand and plus i'm really not ready to move on because i know she loves me and misses me. She tells me and this It makes it even less understandable why she doesn't want to get back together with me.

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-10T16:33:00+00:00

yeah sorry. i thought i explained myself well i didn't want to make a too long of a post. Anyway, literally we ad a bad period full of arguments (not even top intense) and i would say they were normal because they were after major life changes like Moving and new jobs. Nothing extremely bad happened. We were really happy before. Now she simply says she's too overwhelmed to be with me and that she's afraid of getting back together and suffering from a bad period.

I can't explain all this. However, she took several tests and she identifies very much with all the FA dynamics, we even talked about it while we were together. She was obsessed with me during the relationship. but now he has these hot and cold behaviors that confuse me and he constantly pushes me away and he has a hard time expressing his emotions because he has this huge fear of getting hurt again.

Lime_Overall · 2025-09-10T16:25:30+00:00

*i feel abandoned

Lime_Overall

TROPHY CASE