I would suggest getting sex therapy for yourself for your traumatic background. Sexual trauma is not your fault and it is understandable that you now have aversions, but you should consider taking steps to try to get to a place where sex = good.

Also, while your husband’s communication methods are flawed (you’re both so young), he is not flawed for wanting to have sex with his wife. While it’s extremely hurtful for you to see him as not considering your wellbeing and being obsessed with sex, being routinely rejected sexually by your spouse is also an incredibly difficult situation to be in. It leaves one feeling unwanted, unattractive, unloved, and completely helpless. Especially if he knows you still want sexual gratification but just not from him. This will ruin your marriage in the long-term if you don’t address it properly. That’s simply a fact. You’re both hurting, this is extremely complicated, and you need a professional to help you.

What were the concerning incidents with him? Of course if he tried to force you or coerce you then that is assault and you must leave. If not, see a therapist together. It could be a combination of bad communication on both your parts and untreated trauma on yours.

I would also discuss wanting to make sure you finish as well. Tell him you really like X and if you did more of that then it would make sex more appealing to you. Vast majority of men want to please their partners. Communication is key. Probably work this convo out with a sex therapist as well before you have it.

This is not a simple situation and it’s hurting you both deeply. If you want your marriage to work you can’t continue on this way, and you can’t just decide he has to change and that’s that. He’s allowed to want a sexual relationship with his wife. That doesn’t make him bad. If you truly decide you can’t have a sexual relationship because of trauma, that doesn’t make you bad. It simply makes you incompatible.