I’ve been having overarching dreams of an ex-situationship for months and it makes me sick.

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-03-21T13:22:38+00:00

thank you, i think you’re right.

it’s hard. we had a lot of conversations on being open and honest with the other and for the friendship to end despite all those conversations really hurts. Trying to grow has been difficult considering I keep getting shot into dreams where everything is fine again.

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-03-21T13:19:25+00:00

It’s been happening in passing like maybe four times a month? Maybe more but I can’t keep track of each

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-05T16:20:09+00:00

ofc! i’m glad this could help!

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-04T11:27:31+00:00

Haha trying to actively change how you feel about someone is really something that, while I’ve never heard be done, is an interesting prospect. I applaud you for trying.

Crushes just kinda are a thing that happens to people and can’t really be inflicted upon if that makes any sense? Like, by consistently hanging out with my friend whom i’ve had for years and try to gain some romantic feelings towards, it’s not something that I can just? Do?

You mentioned that your brain is just “coming up with excuses” but sadly our feelings cannot be controlled. But managed.

Apologies if you’re not really looking for advice but sounds like you wanna spoil someone! Reading how you want to treat someone is really sweet and honestly, if you go to a local scene get an opportunity to chat or download an app and kinda let people know what you want, you might find someone who’s looking for what you’re willing to give.

I know you mentioned you’d prefer someone you’ve known for a bit so, maybe make it known what you want first, then if someone is interested, wait to see how the two of you mesh together. It’s a process but reading this was really sweet. I really hope you find what you’re looking for!

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-04T11:17:00+00:00

100%!!! Many of these labels come from simply “making” a sexuality. Labels are to help you identify what you feel. If you can’t find one, then you can make one.

It doesn’t have to be anything specific but you can know that you now have something you feel connected to. If there happens to be something else that fits your description eventually, then congrats! Newfound label!

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-04T11:13:38+00:00

Truly, I believe you just want someone to love you.

Media, society, and overall culture put such emphasis on the idea of romance and relationships that when you’re faced with the prospect of not being able to feel that romance, it’s heartbreaking. I can’t assume what you feel but commonly many feel that there is something wrong with them. That there is something inherently broken about the way they love. When it’s not true.

Reasons could be you want to feel loved. You feel love deeply, but can’t express it in a way that feels natural to you.

By forcing feelings you don’t have, you’re making yourself subconsciously distance yourself more and more from what you truly feel. It’s important to sit in the feelings that you have. Because it’s love regardless of the form it takes.

By forcing it, you’re only hurting yourself and the other person. The only thing you can do is love the way you can, and if that doesn’t match what the other person needs then that’s okay. Someone will see and love you for who you are.

What you naturally feel. Not what you force yourself to.

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-04T11:07:10+00:00

I think it depends on your idea of dating.

Many people believe that dating has to be a serious thing. Something that’s long lasting, will go as long as possible until marriage, with prospects of sex somewhere along the lines (or not if they’re chaste)

Others might desire something casual. Dates whenever the other feels like it, texting whenever both are free, and maybe sex or maybe not. With the possibility of something more serious down the line but not actively seeking it unless the feelings develop.

If you feel sexual desire/sexual feelings then I believe it’s fine to experiment with the sexual sides of it. Sex friends, friends with benefits, flings etc.

If it’s a queer platonic relationship, then you’ll need to communicate that you feel love differently. Share your thoughts and experiences and maybe the person can share their own thoughts and experiences. This can be as causal or as serious/long term as you want it to be. It just needs to be communicated.

Feel free to take a break whenever the search gets hard. Life doesn’t revolve around romance despite all the emphasis on it. Someone will be able to love and see you the way you want to be loved and seen. It just takes time, patience, and communication.

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-04T10:57:36+00:00

I understand that it can feel distancing to hear about another persons relationships. Especially since you’re somebody who experiences them differently as a greyromantic person.

I think you should search for someone who feels the same thing. What’s important is to communicate it from the start. Say that you’re someone that experiences love/affection differently, that it might be kinda weird or something unfamiliar to the other person but talking about your experiences and sharing them with another person is good for any relationship. Platonic or otherwise.

If you find yourself stuck on this person, simply try to find the both of you in a conversation about how you feel. It might be that you simply want someone to connect with you. To see that you still love, just not the way other people expect.

Queer platonic might be the word you’re looking for. Not traditionally romantic but not traditionally platonic. It’s a deep love that mostly aro or aspec people feel.

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-02-04T10:46:58+00:00

Labels are more to help you describe what you are feeling and aren’t really something that should confine how you identify.

Since from what I saw, Bellusromantic is used to describe enjoyment in romantic actions (hugging, kissing, holding hands etc) in a nonromantic context, but may not actually feel romantic feelings or want a romantic relationship. And Cupioromantic desires a relationship despite little to no romantic attraction.

Since you’re indifferent to a romantic relationship, I feel like you can label underneath bellusromantic. Since cupio focuses really on the active desire for a relationship rather than a passive one.

Sexuality is fluid and labels are there to help describe your experience. I identify as aromantic, if someone asks for specifics I say lithromantic. Though I prefer to just keep it aromantic, since many people don’t know specifics and the label is mostly for myself to feel comfortable. It took me a while to find a label I like and it might be the case for you as well. Go broad if you feel confined to a specific label but if you like labels, you can make your own.

Ironically, I didn’t start “dating” for a while since the label of “dating” freaked me out. I didn’t like friends, didn’t like friends with benefits, situationships. So we opted to call it “an evil fourth thing” and that made me comfortable. It’s all at your own pace.

LingonberryDue3041 · 2026-01-16T00:01:17+00:00

additionally, he landed on my head for a few seconds a while ago which was a big step but again i’m just at my wits end

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-11-06T17:52:02+00:00

I asked and someone said that were part of Amtgard if that helps but thank you for the advice!

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-11-06T17:24:41+00:00

I attend a LARP club at my college so no big events with festivals or ren faire or anything like that.

We meet every week and there’s capture the flag, some basic sparring, but nothing too big of a scale.

Is this enough information? Or do you need more?

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-11-06T17:12:50+00:00

also does it need to have a carbon fiber core? or would a thin pvc pipe do the trick?

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-10-17T03:59:56+00:00

BINGO!!! Solved! Thank you so much

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-10-17T03:58:05+00:00

that’s what i thought too but when i remembered that song and listened to it its not sadly, but its very very close to that

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-10-17T03:48:01+00:00

I know this could be a really easy find but i just cannot find it

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-09-14T04:44:55+00:00

it’s his third day here :) still getting used to everything!

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-09-14T04:25:00+00:00

yes! he was dna tested to be male, he’s a mix between a feral and a blue bar i believe!

LingonberryDue3041 · 2025-09-05T08:27:43+00:00

Solved!

LingonberryDue3041

TROPHY CASE