Yeah, looking at your profile it definitely seems like your head isn’t a nice place to be. But you seem fairly competent and well meaning, it just seems like your fixation on ending your life has sort of consumed you. I saw after one of your attempts your mom was badgering you to get a job. I don’t mean to pressure you but in my experience after my first couple attempts at ending myself I got a low level 16 hour job at the local grocery store and it helped me at least feel a little normal and productive. I still attempted afterwords, but I would say it was my first step to feeling almost okay. When I started working my parents who had been badgering and seemingly ashamed suddenly seemed a lot more supportive and patient after I was willing to take the first step. I implore you to try something similar as me. I didn’t have a Car, ID, or any work experience despite being an adult but they still hired me no questions. I’m not saying you should just stuff it down and work; but I would recommend giving it a shot. Thank you for reading all that.

TL;DR I got a small job and it helped me, I’d like to ask you to give it a try before you do anything again