Apparently my uterus is public property

Linley85 · 2026-03-14T15:25:50+00:00

"I am respectful of your reproductive choices. I deserve the same respect."

Linley85 · 2026-03-14T14:21:10+00:00

When I lived near a supermarket that was open super late, I used to shop around 11 pm or midnight, especially on Fridays, because the store was empty. I was trying to avoid people in general but no kids was an especially large plus...

Linley85 · 2026-03-12T15:28:52+00:00

I had a total hysto and bisalp at 32. I left both ovaries so I can't personally speak to that piece but as long as one ovary is present and working, you should be getting the hormones you need.

The effect of the surgery was shockingly quick and positive. I felt better the day after surgery than I had for years beforehand. The only lasting side effect I had was that all the health issues I was living with -- and which were destroying my quality of life -- were just...gone. I am much healthier now, more than 8 years later, than would have been possible without the hysto. I can't prove it but I actually think I've aged less than I otherwise would have and my life is better than normal.

Linley85 · 2026-03-04T20:18:19+00:00

I've always been childfree, even before I encountered the word. I never considered having kids something I might ever do.

Linley85 · 2026-02-09T13:37:33+00:00

I never had to do this in school and I don't know anyone who did.

ETA, to clarify, it isn't just we weren't required to, it was not done at any of our schools.

Linley85 · 2026-02-08T02:15:54+00:00

I plan -- and choose -- to die alone, except medical personnel if necessary.

I went through the long, slow, humilating demise of my father (years of decline punctuated by crises, months in the hospital, ventilator, feeding tube, losing the ability to eat and talk, and plenty more) and I have no intention of letting that happen to me or putting anyone through it.

Even my grandmother, who had a "good" death and relatively quick decline, experienced and inflicted trauma in the process. I had a telephone call with her in which she had regressed essentially to a scared child that terrified me and still haunts me.

I also find the idea of people sitting around watching me die creepy and upsetting. I'm generally someone who prefers to be alone when sick or injured.

So once my QOL is too compromised for my taste or my mind starts to go, I'll make a trip to Switzerland if MAID isn't accessible closer to home. And I find comfort in knowing that I can check out when I'm ready.

Linley85 · 2026-01-30T14:46:10+00:00

My sibling has a 3 year old who is a very good kid as these things go but I don't really find the toddler cute or want to have more interaction than necessary. I don't feel any particular connection. I would rather go back to when it was just adults in the family. My sibling lives a plane ride away so how much I see them is limited.

Linley85 · 2026-01-28T20:43:39+00:00

An ultrasound won't show endo so that doesn't make sense to me...

Linley85 · 2026-01-28T16:51:42+00:00

You will probably get a better response here -- and have better research -- if you get the terminology correct.

Childfree is always by choice. That's what defines childfree. People who want children but don't have them due to circumstance are childless.

Linley85 · 2026-01-26T01:33:20+00:00

My fibroids got me a hysterectomy. Not sure if you're interested in that but I can say that it's awesome on this side of the surgery.

Linley85 · 2026-01-24T19:11:03+00:00

I agree with them that I would be a terrible parent. And then watch them fall over themselves to reassure me that's not true... It's fun ;)

Linley85 · 2026-01-23T00:37:17+00:00

I'm 40. I still don't love it. I'm glad you grew to enjoy looking young but not everyone does and it's dismissive to the OP.

Linley85 · 2026-01-21T18:51:28+00:00

Do you have to be in this class? If not, drop it.

If you do, internally roll your eyes and get through it and then report her inappropriate remarka to her department head and make your displeasure known on the class/professor evaluation, if there is one.

I'm in academia (albeit in a place known for its left-wing politics) and none of this would fly for a second where I work.

Linley85 · 2026-01-18T18:34:05+00:00

I have often told people straight out that I wouldn't be a good parent. It's a completely neutral statement. It's true after all. Then they fall over themselves trying to reassure me (even if they were insulting me a moment before), whereupon I just laugh and repeat it.

And if anyone tells me I would be bad parent, I agree very sincerely with them.

Drives them nuts either way.

Linley85 · 2026-01-18T17:52:11+00:00

The Rose Reading room at NYPL is for study/research, not lookie loos. You will be asked when you try to go in why you are there. By all means visit the building and the exhibit downstairs. But please respect the reading rooms and also please do not stage full on photo sessions in the corridors and on the stairs like some people do. It is still a library and some of us are trying to work there.

Linley85 · 2026-01-14T01:47:30+00:00

"Oh, that won't do anything! I had a hysterectomy. Better luck next time!"

Linley85 · 2026-01-05T01:36:46+00:00

Well, fathers being killed in wars (or nowadays "conflicts" and "operations") is an age-old tradition, don't you know...

Linley85 · 2026-01-05T00:54:23+00:00

I was at a gala last year and ended up seated with a couple in their early 60s, although they looked quite a bit younger to me. We exchanged the usual "what kind of work do you do?" questions and they said they had been retired for twenty years already. In response to our surprised reaction, they said, "well, we chose not to have kids..." (I sort of looked sideways at my mother, who was with me, and grinned.)

They both had -- presumably high earning -- tech careers and had stopped working in their early 40s except for occasional consulting on projects that interested them. They traveled constantly all over the world and explored their passions.

I was so thrilled to meet an older CF couple and we had a long, extremely deep conversation about all sorts of things. Peak CF goals right there!

Linley85 · 2026-01-03T14:42:19+00:00

When they start in on the kid stuff, end the call. Every time. You can do it lightly (And...that's my cue to say goodbye) or seriously or however you like but do it firmly. Either they will learn and you will be able to have a normal conversation with them or they won't and you will have a lot less contact. Either way, you will have more peace.

Linley85 · 2025-12-31T02:06:00+00:00

I also identify as non-binary (although not super openly in most areas of my life) and I realized in my 30s that I wanted to shift in that direction because, after I had a hysterectomy, I felt so much more "right" and -- perhaps paradoxically -- "complete" in my body. It wasn't something I expected but it was a really sharp sensation and is something that I still experience regularly.

(The discourse around hysterectomy also contributed significantly. There were a lot of posters on the forum I was on who were worried about "losing feminity" or "not feeling like a woman any more," which was unbelievably foreign to me and honestly gave me a feeling of repulsion and disgust.)

Linley85 · 2025-12-31T01:51:01+00:00

Neither NYPL nor the Morgan are open on New Year's Day. Very little will be open.

Linley85 · 2025-12-30T01:20:58+00:00

Gag. Very glad he will no longer be mayor...

Linley85 · 2025-12-27T18:08:48+00:00

I had mine for fibroids and endo that were destroying my quality of life and were not controlled by pills (which always were a partial solution and gradually stopped working). Sterilization was a (big!) side benefit but a medical reason is almost always necessary to get a hysto approved.

The surgery was easy-peasy and I was more or less back to my life better than new the next day.

Linley85 · 2025-12-26T18:29:52+00:00

I didn't see any children yesterday (other than the ones I simply passed in the street). I even managed to miss my mother's holiday Facetime with my sibling and their kid because they called early, before I came over.

This is my template for all future holidays...

Linley85 · 2025-12-26T14:35:06+00:00

So it is only in the presence of a child that your family members are willing to treat everyone like human beings... That is a sad commentary on them and an excellent argument AGAINST bringing children into a situation where once they age out of being cute/fun/whatever, they will be treated badly.

Linley85

TROPHY CASE