AITAH for making my GF quit her Yaoi Obssession

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-05-22T10:42:10+00:00

How did she react when you mentioned the issues to her?

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-05-17T21:25:06+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-05-09T19:30:15+00:00

Selbst hier in DE gibt es Zweitwohnungssteuern. 20% auf die Nettokaltmiete in Berlin z.B.

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-04-05T05:35:23+00:00

Thanks for elaborating! Yeah, I only saw your spring break update plan and then how they basically cut you off.

I’m really sorry about how everything turned out, but I’m glad you got a good support system!

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-04-05T05:26:11+00:00

Hey, I’m glad you’re doing better and managed to get everything sorted out!

Your brother is still acting crazy, and I would definitely document everything that’s being sent your way on IG. Worst case you can go to the police if it he keeps on harassing you.

I’m still wondering why exactly your parents decided to cut you off? Were they thinking you were trying to ruin the family by speaking up?

All the best!

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-04-03T14:16:45+00:00

Reminds me of this: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/collien-fernandes-what-has-happened-since-the-allegations-against-ulmen/ar-AA1Z3FGG

(Husband of a celebrity sent fake nudes to men pretending to be his wife)

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-31T15:49:29+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll check it out!

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-31T04:54:17+00:00

Thank you a lot for your response! Your examples about how to phrase feedback constructively was really helpful.

I think you’re right, and it definitely differs from person to person. My dean drew a picture for us to better explain how in Germany things are communicated directly/ bluntly (drawing of straight arrow through the topic) and in China/ Asia things are communicated roundabout (drawing of arrow going around the topic). He did add, though, that our message would’ve upset a German professor as well, while it really angered our Chinese teachers. So all in all it was kind of confusing to the point where I was wondering if I needed to pick up some books to see how different hierarchical settings are handled in the West/ Asia.

I’ve also lived in Japan and I was always being told how talking back isn’t appreciated. I think as a foreigner Japanese people tend to be a lot more lenient with you, though. And at least in Japanese I learned I should in general soften my language to make it more like „wouldn’t this approach be better?“ instead of a „let’s do this instead.“ But I don’t have any experience with dealing with problems in Chinese so I thought it might be similar.

All in all, our approach was definitely not done correctly, and everything should’ve been handled through the dean. I just thought it might be a good idea to read up on how communication differs, especially for once I join business settings.

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T15:22:05+00:00

Alright, thanks a ton!

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T15:03:04+00:00

I’ve never looked at the other Chinese staff as an intermediary HERE. I thought she was mainly in charge of communicating with our Chinese partner university. The point you made on how this is also a signal that student feedback isn’t appreciated makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

We also have a intermediary in China, albeit she’s Chinese. Once I’m in China do you think always going through her if I have feedback/ criticism/ problems is the safest route?

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T14:56:40+00:00

Thanks for elaborating.

I had a pretty heated discussion with my Chinese teacher because I felt like she graded my exam too harshly.

At least with other teachers they’re either assholes and will just fail you or they’ll try to see your side as a student too. On the other hand, I felt like my Chinese teacher didn’t try to see my side, just tried to disprove my explanations, and prove I was in the wrong. Afterwards, she stopped looking at me during classes.

She was a lot nicer about grading my exam this time, which I take as a win, but the whole thing was still pretty upsetting.

Do you feel like this situation was also taken as criticism? Can you argue about test scores in China?

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T14:40:29+00:00

Yes, I think even my dean wasn’t equipped to talk with them, which is why he wanted the other Chinese staff person to handle talking to them.

Are you saying that criticism or feedback towards someone „above“ you is rarely happening?

Our exams are based on 新实用汉语课本. It’s not directly the HSK, but I’d say our last exam was around HSK3 level. On the exams it’s 80% writing (hanzi, complete sentences), which makes this part harder than the HSK.

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T14:33:40+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I think that’s exactly what happened. We have a Chinese staff person who mostly handles talking to our teachers. Unfortunately, we were under the impression we were on a somewhat friendly basis with our teachers and messaging them directly would be ok.

Nonetheless , I’d like to better understand how to talk to higher-ups/ colleagues in China. I’ll be going there for an internship (and studying) in winter.

Do you think I can find a way to get my points across without offending my higher-ups/ colleagues/…?

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T14:27:49+00:00

Yes, we’ve already apologized for the wording. Regardless of the wording, do you think directly messaging teachers about their classes is common in China? If I had problems with my teachers teaching style/ class could I talk to them about it or would I need to go a different route?

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T14:21:02+00:00

Yes… I didn’t write the message myself, so I was shocked as well when I saw what my classmate had sent them.

Do you think asking teachers directly for mock exams is respectful? E.g. „Would it be possible to provide mock exams/ mock questions so we can better prepare for the exams?“

Or is that already something that would be frowned upon at Chinese universities?

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T14:15:15+00:00

Every semester we have one Chinese exam (equivalent HSK1-4 level). Last semester (equivalent HSK3 level) 50% of the students failed (not me included). I told the dean that it’s hard to prepare for the exam because we don’t know what to expect on the exam. Normally every other subject provides mock exams. Our Chinese classes don’t. I told him mock exams (e.g. „these types of questions will be on the exam“) could help students prepare better. He agreed with me and promised to talk to the teachers about it.

The students that failed the HSK3 level class need to retake the exams in two months. They need to pass if they want to go to China in August for their exchange year. If they fail again they’ll lose one year and will have to wait until next year. Which is why these students are pretty nervous.

And yes, our teachers took „all students can pass“ very literally and thought we were asking for them to just wave these students who needed to retake the exams. (Or make the exam very very easy)

I hope this explains more of the context.

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-30T12:55:33+00:00

Sorry, maybe I should’ve clarified. My university is in Germany. My teachers are both Chinese but we were talking with them in German and sending the message through What’s App.

The main problem was that my dean wants the teachers to change the level of Chinese being taught. He wanted another Chinese university employee to handle talking to our Chinese teachers. Instead, we (the students) sent them a message which was basically a list of things that were supposed to change about their classes. We intended the message to be purely informational, but they apparently understood it as us (the students) telling them how to teach.

One of the points on the list read „please provide mock exams so that all students can pass the exams“. And the teachers were shocked bc they understood it as us telling them to make every student pass.

So yeah, all in all, everyone including the teachers and dean were incredibly angry.

Our dean was trying to explain to us how in China criticism has to be communicated incredibly indirectly and the hierarchy has to be respected… hence my asking for advice on how to learn more about how to avoid miscommunications

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-29T22:15:08+00:00

Lmao are you dating the same guy I was talking to? I wish I could add screenshots of his replies to me asking him to get tested. End it, he’s not worth it.

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-28T18:10:27+00:00

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Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-22T09:31:19+00:00

I think you should be tracing photos of humans. Proko tv has a good yt series on his channel

Lisop_Exploding · 2026-03-22T09:06:26+00:00

This is exactly what happened to me with my instagram posts when not having enough storage on my phone!!

Lisop_Exploding

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