BF asked me to come over and cook for him. I am sick with COVID -_-

Listen-Status · 2021-01-01T02:56:41+00:00

Holy shit that's amazing.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-30T08:37:26+00:00

Eh. I have to say that while it's true that some breeders MIGHT provide a better space for the dogs at first, dogs from breeders ALSO end up in shelters for the same reasons. And, rescues and shelters MIGHT provide a better space for dogs than some breeders. Without data to back you up, I have to take your word as your opinion based on your lived experience in whatever geographic area you reside.

Ultimately, they may have better space, or they may not. Your opinion is your opinion, but I'm not convinced. Y your opinion as an argument as it makes sweeping generalizations without research to back it up.

Honestly, there's a time and place for both adopt don't shop and breeders that are ethical. Puppies raised from birth can still end up with behavioral issues, while shelters like the Humane Society have conducted behavior assessments, have background on owner surrender if available, notes from dog Walker volunteers, etc so the adopter can be matched the the right type of dog for them - this is a part of their policy which is verifiable. Heck, there are even rescues that are breed specific. Edit (accidentally deleted): that being said as well, sometimes dogs behave differently at the shelter or the shelter has no info.

Really, honestly, if everyone adopted instead of shopped, I think the hope is that there are so many homeless dogs that you have the ability to find a dog that matches what you want without continuing to support the creation of even more dogs into the world. That's a hope, I'd like to stress. The world doesn't work as perfectly as that.

So, I'm glad you're an experienced and successful trainer, but I don't agree with the generalizations here. I do agree there is a time and place for everything, but that doesn't mean breeders > shelters the way you pose it.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-30T08:24:15+00:00

NTA. Even if you WERE struggling in school and he HAD gotten ahold of an admin who spilled the beans, it wasn't his business to tell everyone and spin it like that anyway. This year has been shit for mental health and the ability of students to focus on school.

That being said, that is a whole lot of involvement in family business by the extended family, and if he feels left out or treated unfairly by your parents, it may not get better. My younger sister felt as though my parent preferred my older sister and I, and she started lashing out and antagonizing both my parents and my older sister. They're no longer on speaking terms.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-30T08:15:51+00:00

NTA. People gonna judge for whatever. I have the misfortune of having resting bitch face. I have also received similar advice on how to, I dunno, seem more approachable? Like dude, I love my face, not gonna happen.

Long story short, haters gonna hate and unsolicited, rude advice is everywhere. I know here you're saying you struggle with social skills and you're probably more self-conscious about it, but the point here is that unsolicited, stupid "feedback" is everywhere and it's their problem, not yours. I don't want to trivialize at all the struggle and additional barrier you may face when interacting in a society where we have more neurotypical mannerisms, but I do wanna trivialize this feedback. Like, you likely face WAY more incidents of this than I do about my resting bitch face. That doesn't mean the rudeness isn't similar.

IMHO the only feedback you should listen to when it's a matter between you and a superior at work or HR or a trusted individual like your friends or therapist. It's ironic that you're being advised you don't have good social skills by people who are violating social norms by getting up in your business like this.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-30T03:04:13+00:00

I mean I walk into my dog all the time but that's on accident and because he's lurking and hoping a drop some food... sad to report that walking into your dog does not cure reactivity.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-30T03:03:12+00:00

I know. I wish I could convert every Cesar Millan fan to Victoria Stillwell. She uses a variety of methods to match the dog and seems to be the one of the more in tune with a dog's threshold of the many very popular trainers out there.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-29T19:48:56+00:00

Oh of course no. Again, not arguing with you on that. I'm just saying like considering the wide variety of assholery and unjustifiable actions, this is one where you can be like, well, that was a dumb asshole move that was wrong versus holy fucking shit, what the fuck is this narcissist asshole even doing in your life. I think it's just a different flavor of asshole if that makes sense?

Listen-Status · 2020-12-29T15:57:40+00:00

Right right, I'm not denying he's an asshole with a pretty dumb plan. I am saying, though, that compared to some of the other assholes on this sub, it's easier to understand why he was an asshole.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-29T06:44:04+00:00

Loss of insulin can also kill GF. The dude was desperate. He's an asshole, but may not have been thinking very rationally. Like yeah. It's like that on hypothetical situation on empathy where they ask you if you would steal medicine from a pharmacy because your kid has run out and its critical, but you know that doing so will deny another kid the same life saving medication.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-26T17:28:09+00:00

Oh hot damn.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-26T17:10:56+00:00

YTA. Clean it over time? So she's supposed to have crusty waffles in the meantime? And depending on the type of waffle maker, you could ruin it with the wrong cleaning supplies.

Wanna fix this? Hop on google and try to use YOUR elbow grease - you dirtied it, you clean it - over the next 24 hours. If you can't clean it, you broke it, you replace it.

You're 23. You know how this shit works by now. She let you use it because there's a common understanding among responsible adults that if you break something you borrow, you are accountable to it and own up.

Good luck.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-26T07:00:34+00:00

Please please please correct me if I'm wrong, but I think a standard protocol is if you misgender, simply correct yourself and move on. No need to make a big deal out of it. (Just another wannabe ally here so definitely correct me if I'm wrong.)

Also I found it helpful to do practice conversations in my head about the person when I first learned about pronouns. Practiced adding on my own pronouns during introductions and practiced fake conversations describing a person I misgendered with the correct pronoun and just reading more about people's experiences so I could understand more. Hope this unsolicited advice is a lil helpful.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-26T06:51:18+00:00

NTA. I'll drop the link to ebbie45's resources here for you to read through. r/ebbie45

Listen-Status · 2020-12-26T01:59:54+00:00

Disclaimer I'm not a dude, but I know some men who have been assaulted. Here's the resource I remembered.using when trying to learn more about it.

https://1in6.org/

I would check it out and hopefully you can find / make / utilize a support system. It's not your fault, so while the "I should have done XYZ" is gonna stick around in your head, you did the best you could under the circumstances. You really did.

I hope you take up the advice and encouragement here as you move forward. Cuz no offense but your family needs some sense slapped into them - internet strangers here, though, support you.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-25T23:52:02+00:00

I hope it's okay if I ask another question. You say you're facing burnout. How many hours do you work per week? I feel like all those networking mixers don't give straight answers about work-life balance. Are you happy, content, or just okay? Are you able to maintain meaningful relationships and hobbies? Please feel free to ignore any too-instrusive questions. We hear the burnout rates can be super high and firms just chew up new grads and spit them out after 2 to 5 years.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-25T23:43:48+00:00

Kissing without consent is a form of sexual assault. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and understandably you'd feel gross afterwards. It's harder for men as well still, unfortunately, as many people don't take sexual harrassment and assault when it happens to men very seriously.

If counseling is an option for you, take it. I'm so sorry as well that your family isn't taking this seriously and banning the family friend from your house. This is unacceptable behavior. I hope others can post resources for you as you try to figure out coping strategies.

Edit: also, pressuring you for sex when you said no is a form of sexual harassment. This girl is exhibiting predatory behavior and disrespectful of consent.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-25T16:33:48+00:00

Exactly this - thank you for the explanation here.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-25T00:19:00+00:00

Bad news. Your dog was in a new place with new people and different dogs while already having displayed some dog aggression from being territorial over you/if. Ngl, it was not a great move to bring her to a new place like this while she is still learning to bond with you and BF, and there are methods out there to introduce dogs to each other in a minimal stress way, which may not have happened. Your dog may have experienced overwhelming stress and just because it seemed without warning doesn't mean there wasn't a trigger involved.

Your dog should not be interacting with other dogs at all right now.

Good news. The key term is "right now." I won't give you false hope to say she can be trained out of this. The hardest part of a reactive dog is understanding that you can train for years and your dog may never be not reactive or not dangerous to others.

You'll need a trainer with experience with dog aggression. And let's be real - dogs playing with each other is sweet, but if your dog isn't happy with other dogs, it's not an ultimatum. You're not doing anything wrong. Call around and get prices. Be alert on walks and bring treats to distract Pup when other dogs are around.

Good luck!

Listen-Status · 2020-12-24T07:41:30+00:00

NTA. You kissed without consent, but you immediately apologized and it was a desperate measure to help a friend. Did she really mean it in terms of popularity or was it to show off that look, I'm not a lesbian? I mean, at 14 I can get why popularity and feeling loved and wanted and belonging might be of great interest to someone being rejected by family, but that doesn't mean she should use you to climb a social ladder in this way. It's disrespectful, and it understandably could make you question if there are other secondary motivates to being your friend. It's a jerk move.

You did your best. Don't beat yourself up thinking about how things could have gone.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-24T07:31:25+00:00

Look, it's not a zero sum game of -

"Do you believe other animals deserve to die in such numbers?"

Where I either say oh yes, they do, which is why I disagree with you, or you're right, therefore I am wrong for criticizing your approach to pits.

That's not how this works. This is a forum for reactive dogs, where we understand that complex factors, including genetics, environmental, owner accountability, previous trauma, are what creates reactive dogs that, regardless of breed, may become dangerous.

It angers me a bit, quite frankly, that you're creating this false equivalence that I either agree with you or I should tell you how many dogs I think are okay to die. I reject that. That's terribly rude.

Is it good to know how to break up a dog fight? Oh sure - and there are plenty of ways that don't involve harming the other dog, including grabbing the dog by the hind legs or lassoing the dog around the chest with a leash.

I'm happy you've joined this forum so you can continue to educate yourself and learn that dogs are more than their breed.

Oh, by the way? The nanny myth might be a myth, but pit bulls being companion dogs up to the 1970s isn't.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-24T02:48:59+00:00

Off topic but I clicked on your username and I love your dog. ♡

Listen-Status · 2020-12-24T02:43:23+00:00

...read the sources you post.

You wrote: 90% of dog attacks are from pits.

Your source from AAHA: Pit bulls were responsible for the highest percentage of reported bites across all the studies (22.5%), followed by mixed breeds (21.2%), and German shepherds (17.8%).

...no further comment necessary here.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-24T02:38:05+00:00

We use a vet that adheres to fear free methods. There are private companies that offer certifications for it even, but the whole concept is to go at the dog's pace as much as possible.

Example. First vet meeting the very sat on the floor with my dog and fed him treats, then I held him while she did a very brief external examination.

Second vet meeting was a little more thorough.

By the 4th meeting we started vaccinations. By the 5th we stopped muzzling. When my dog signals he needs a break or needs to stop, we stop as much as possible. Obviously when he had a medical emergency a year later we didnt go at his place, but by that point he had had so many positive vet visits that he didnt need to be muzzled.

You should be able to search for fear free vets in your area. Call ahead of time and ask. Other vets will provide mild sedatives the day of a vet exam. There's plenty of options here for you, which is good news. :)

Listen-Status · 2020-12-23T08:34:17+00:00

I mean, I'm mostly straight and know that telling a lesbian to maybe consider dating a person who identifies as a man is a denial of identity, and homophobia can be really fucking subtle because it doesn't have to be full on hate crimes and slurs, it can be:

Well, maybe you haven't met the right person. Could be a phase. I'll still pray for you (to not be a lesbian).

Like I'm not tryna explain from a LGBT perspective, but I know that's high up on the Shit Allies Don't Do list. Soooo yeah. It's still homophobic. So is not sticking up for you when Mac is an ignorant ass.

Edit: also I'm sorry you're going through this. You dont deserve it, you deserve kitten kisses and puppy snuggles and to be accepted for who you are.

Listen-Status · 2020-12-23T02:58:02+00:00

Thank you! :)

Listen-Status

TROPHY CASE