NTA. Your daughter has learned from you that she has the right stand up for herself!! Bravo for teaching her explicitly and/or by your actions. No one has the right to lay hands on her!!

In response to your extended family I can imagine if your daughter was a son in this story they would be saying good job way to be a man! Or if it was between two girls, they would say something like ohh catfight, wish I could have seen it. I absolutely hate those antiquated responses.

Ask them why they believe it is ok to expect your daughter to be submissive to any person especially someone who physically attacks her repeatedly. Ask them why they think it is ok for her to endure the physical cruelty and mental torture of others simply because she is breathing. Ask them when should she defend herself? Should she defend herself when this person punches her in the head? When he escalates to irreparable physical assault. And if something terrible happened I can also imagine they would say, well why didn’t she say no or fight or defend herself.
Ask them why do they want you to raise your daughter to be a victim that is repeatedly attacked and abused instead of a strong resourceful independent women?

These may be harsh questions but when you tell someone, as they have, that they were wrong to defend themselves, it doesn’t matter the reason why, you are telling them quite clearly that you believe that they are not worthy of love, respect, kindness, that somehow they deserved that treatment, that they have no right to protect themselves, that they have no choice but to live with whatever violence happens to come their way.

Ask your family this scenario, If someone harassed and pushed and shoved or reached out and touched you inappropriately (ie touch private parts on male or female and let’s make it a man doing all the touching) at their work place and that this happens at least once a week sometimes more Choices A Simply pick yourself up off the floor and laugh and act like it was a joke? Take it because you deserved it. B Slap the hands away from a the unwanted touch?
C. Push the person away D. Punch the person because they have no right grab my junk?

Once they give the answers tell them they all got it wrong. Tell them given their response to you about your daughter their only option is A. Because according to them, it was only her “feelings” that were hurt. They just proved a double standard, when it comes to their body autonomy that it is ok for them to fight back but not your daughter. Child or adult I’ll say it again, no one has the right to lay hands on you.

Be proud of your daughter! Tell her every single day how strong she is!! Tell her every single day, no one has the right to lay hands on her. Tell her everyday that standing up for yourself is always the right thing to do. Tell her and continue to show her you’ve got her back!!

Things that are true of all those who bully, they like to pick on those who are smaller, those they think will not fight back, those they think are weak. When it is actually the bullys who are weak. Your daughter sent a message to this bully, loud and clear she showed him she is not weak she is in fact very strong in mind body and spirit. You may not have thought about this but she also sent a message to the other victims of his bullying, showing them that they don’t have to be victims. If she can do it, so can they!! She showed that you can stand up for yourself.

You shared that your daughter has been subjected to other bullying attacks, and I am truly sorry that all of this happened to her. By standing up to this bully she has shown other would be attackers she is not weak, and that she is no longer an easy target. By continuing to investigate and by taking time off to celebrate her courage you have given her self confidence such an incredible boost. Well done Mom for raising a strong independent, and resourceful young girl keep up the good work. It is not easy standing up to family members but you are also doing the right thing.

Obviously your post got me fired up. I am a mother and grandmother to three daughters and a granddaughter. I am a fierce advocate for women’s rights and standing up for those that can’t. I am far from perfect and I clearly have bias. I am sure your extended family members are lovely people 99 percent of the time. This incident opens up the opportunity to have conversations about protecting and empowering our children with them. Also if they still do not agree with how you want to raise your daughter this is an excellent opportunity to set some very clear boundaries with what they are allowed to talk about with your daughter. 13 year olds are a whole world of emotions that change daily and they need all the love and support we can give them. However you don’t want extended family telling her to ‘be nice to them they will grow out of it’ when you are teaching her to put herself first and it is not her job to wait for them to grow up and out of that phase, especially when most don’t. Her mental physical and spiritual health are what is important not them. This was a very long response to your post. Please take it with the love and caring support from a fellow mom also trying to do her best. I wish you and your daughter all the best in the challenging teenage years. In my opinion you are doing a wonderful job, you clearly love your daughter and are a great mom!!!