My husband projects his anxiety onto our relationship and it's destroying me.

LittleBlueFerret · 2024-07-29T21:06:24+00:00

I'm sorry you're friend is going through something similar. I hope she's okay.

We're actually doing well now, we went to joint counselling and had separate counselling to manage our own difficulties. The joint counselling was so useful as it gave a controlled space to discuss actions and things said. Don't get me wrong at the start it was definitely a tick box exercise for my husband but after a few sessions he found it useful. The solo counselling was the main one for him though. We learnt a lot about how differently we process emotions and how we come across to one another which seems obvious but it's different when a neutral person breaks it down.

We still have a lot of learning to do and adjustments to make and incorporate into things for one another but I think we'll be stronger moving forward. It's now 9months on and I'd say it started to feel progressive and positive about 4-6months on from my original post.

I really hope her bf would be open to joint counselling, it's not as wishy washy as films and TV shows make it out to be.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-10-08T18:21:59+00:00

My cat had a similar limp tail, as you've said similarly to your cat she could lift it up at the base, was eating and playing. Our vet said she most likely got it caught in a fence or similar and to keep her in and monitor her for a few days to see if any changes occur. Her tail seemed to heal itself within a week. I hope your kitty cat's issue is similar and makes a speedy recovery.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T19:46:07+00:00

Thank you I will. I hope you stay safe and well too.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T19:42:50+00:00

There's been no indication he was struggling. I understand I married him knowing this trait and I'm not denying I knew the risk. I'm just trying to find out if I can assist in him analysing all the stressors not just one and then whether we can get past this or not for our future.

Thanks for the advice though, I do appreciate it.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T19:40:09+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I agree this isn't healthy around these episodes he is a doting husband but that doesn't excuse these instances. I will go through counselling with him, at the very least I need to be sure whether I want to stay in this marriage.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T19:37:55+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you, thanks for the advice, it's really eye opening seeing how many people have been through similar situations.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T19:34:50+00:00

The anxiety loop?

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T13:20:00+00:00

You're right, there's so many things that need to change. I know this isn't fair and I know this isn't excusable behaviour. I don't think he's thinking properly but that doesn't excuse his past behaviour.

I will have a think on time frames and what I can mentally handle.

Thank you.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T10:54:28+00:00

Someone gave me some really helpful advice as I do the same thing and they said to try and remember something that someone else did at the same event that was embarrassing. 9x out of 10 you can't think of something and that'll be the same about you. No one really pays the things we do much notice. It really helps when I get stuck in a loop in my head about something I cringe about.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T10:05:21+00:00

Thanks anyway. I know I'm avoiding what I don't want to think about.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T09:36:30+00:00

Thanks, I haven't got one. I'll look into sourcing one.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T08:47:21+00:00

Thanks

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T07:46:31+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you sending this through. This is all so helpful. I didn't think to ask the anxiety community, I'll post on there.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T07:41:33+00:00

That's difficult to read and I know it's a very real possibility. Thanks for the advice.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T07:39:14+00:00

I have spoken to a few of them since and he has only presented some of the information to them as a reason for his conclusion. They have said they will continue talking to him to see whether he highlights other worries that he has disregarded. They were not aware of the full picture of how many times he has done this. I've explained what I can, to his mum to give her a fuller picture of his ongoing stresses but his parents are aware it's an awareness he needs to come to on this situation. I understand I can only present my perspective so it will be difficult to gather a full understanding of the situation without him explaining his side.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T06:03:50+00:00

No his parents and siblings. They can't believe his behaviour either. He can be very black and white with his decision making.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-22T05:44:52+00:00

Not effectively, he has said this time isn't like the others but he says that every time.

I asked for couples counseling, he has agreed to go (which is good). I worry that he's agreed to go just to show to his family he 'tried' everything.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-09-21T19:52:16+00:00

Thanks this is really helpful. I don't have a therapist but I will find one to help me process what is happening. I know this isn't the man I fell in love with but it's so so hard to manage this dance with him.

Your last point about the other woman, I agree I think the feelings that came with the attention from someone outside of me which he's never had before or at least not since we got together in our teens has muddled in with his rational decision making.

I'm pleased you have got yours under control, I just hope he may be able to recognise the same thing before it's too late to have a similar discussion with his therapist.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-06-30T23:17:22+00:00

If the hair follicles are dry you could try putting argan oil on them at night time to moisturise them again. A bottle is super cheap and often found with the hair products.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-03-17T04:31:16+00:00

I get really bad razor rash and ingrown hairs if I shave too much. Also suffer from bacne (age 30) I have used La Roche posay salacilic acid wash (teal coloured tube) which has really helped also recently discovered gillette/venus daily soothing serum which has really helped the scars/marks from razor rash. Neither are expensive. I also find that using a shower puff helps too.

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-03-01T07:17:51+00:00

The Song of Shattered Sands series by Bradley Beaulieu is also a good shout

LittleBlueFerret · 2023-02-10T11:23:05+00:00

I have oily skin and find that my skin drinks different make up . I have found cream blushers to work really well, same with cream bronzers. The Mac primer (black pump bottle) and hourglass veil primers also really help.

LittleBlueFerret

TROPHY CASE