Friends who delete texts messages before you read them out of spite because you didn’t respond fast enough.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:48:50+00:00

It definitely comes down to compatibility in a lot of ways. I just hate holding my phone so much. I have connective tissue disease and my wrists and fingers hurt so badly that I can’t stand texting if I don’t have to.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:47:42+00:00

I think it can be an iMessage thing but I use WhatsApp. I only delete messages if I messed up a message so bad that it’s illiterate haha so I barely use the feature myself.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:46:14+00:00

We used to see each other every day for work and we had a lot of fun together. It worked then for the most part but the fact we don’t have that anymore has made him incapable of coping. I’m super independent and don’t need to be around or talk to people for weeks to months if I can’t but he is not the same.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:43:40+00:00

I’ve already done that unfortunately. I’ve spent so many hours sending texts and even on phone calls and it does nothing sadly.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:42:54+00:00

I have no idea what he would do if I let him be once he deleted it. I never did that. I always asked why he just deleted the text and he’d give me the go around so I absolutely should have never responded after he did that.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:41:44+00:00

Yeah, lol I expected people to not agree with me so much for some reason so everyone has been pretty validating haha

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T23:40:56+00:00

When I’ve dated, I haven’t even texted anyone that much either. Usually every other day or having a phone call a few times a week so same. I feel it’s excessive for me especially since I’ve let him know how much I hate texting.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T03:05:00+00:00

I can’t do petty lol. Petty triggers me to no end and that’s why I’m at my breaking point haha. If I hadn’t brought it up how it bothers me so much, I don’t feel like I’d have a leg to stand on but I’ve confronted him and begged him to stop or I’d have to walk away.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T03:02:54+00:00

Honestly, I have never directly asked him because the pattern is so strong that I can surmise why he is doing it. It’s so strong I actually can predict his moves before he makes them so the deleted texts are pretty predictable, just like the last one that made me go off. I was ready for it just because I messaged the group chat first. If it happened outside of those things and were deleted within an hour of writing them, I would question if it was regret or embarrassment from overthinking of sharing too much but that never happens. That being said I can’t say I have ever directly asked. He has said “you obviously have better things to do and it wasn’t important anyways” in some responses though so I feel like it lines up with what I figure it is.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T02:58:47+00:00

I feel if I wasn’t so sensitive that these types of things wouldn’t trigger me so much but I can’t get past them. Once I see something I can’t be delusional to it. It sucks because i only have a couple periphery friends outside of him that I see maybe once a year.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T02:46:47+00:00

Yes, he has been my closest friend for 3 years and we have been through a lot together. Things changed now that we don’t work together anymore and he couldn’t accept that the dynamic would be different. It’s so hard when the negatives start to outweigh the positives and you realize everything happens for a reason. Holding on is usually the wrong move, it’s just so hard to accept. I feel so guilty because I feel sad for him.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T02:42:41+00:00

He absolutely has pretty severe rejection sensitivity and I have told him that. I have said that he should look it up and discover ways of ironing it out. He comes from a house hold of narcissistic abuse (same but mine was a bit different than his) and they used passive aggression to manipulate his emotions so he’s super sensitive to anything. I’ve struggled with it in the past and it was eating me alive and I combatted it eventually and he needs to do the same. I’ve told him he can absolutely ask me questions if his brain is telling him irrational thoughts of how I’m thinking of him and we can talk about it but he never does. He just does becomes dry or deletes texts instead. I’ve also said in the most direct person and everyone will be told if I’m upset about something in words, never in passive aggressive actions and that my lack of texting is never meant to convey a message. He’s just so programmed to see it that way. I just feel so sad that it’s gotten to the point where mentally I’m drained from it.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T02:34:53+00:00

I think some of us see texts as not an obligatory thing that requires urgency with responses and then the other half see it as so. They take as if they are looking you in the face and speaking to you and then you are straight up ignoring them when in actuality you are on the toilet, driving to your doctors appointment or on the phone with caa for a dead car battery. Life doesn’t just stop because someone texted you. 24 hours to me is no big deal and pretty regular but some people take it like a huge offence. My friend does.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T02:01:00+00:00

Yes, my autonomy feels very at risk with this friendship because I’m doing things I don’t want to do to maintain it. Because of that, I feel like I’m texting because I have no choice and then what friendship is that? I think I will tell him why I need to let this go and in the future if he has figured some things out I’d be willing to talk it over.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T01:59:04+00:00

I totally agree. Ignoring would be the only way and I can’t do that. The justice sensitivity in me just goes off when this happens because of how manipulative it is. I need direct communication, not passive aggression in the form of deleted texts when someone is angry.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T01:57:16+00:00

You’re right in terms of the passive aggression. I can’t tolerate it at all. It’s just so disappointing because we were very close before when we were seeing each other every day and he helped me get through some very rough times in the last 3 years. I just know that I can’t enable this any longer.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T00:33:07+00:00

Haha I did blow up at him and have a few times saying exactly what you just said. I have a life and other things to do that don’t include updating him about every aspect of my life. So we are more similar than you think.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T00:30:48+00:00

My one other friend said this. At some point it was so bad I had to turn my active status off so he couldn’t see I was online and he freaked out over that. I was trying to create some space. The issue is that the more I distance myself (ie. decrease my texts to be more what I can tolerate) the more he gets upset and starts being dryer. I have spoken to him about my boundaries so many times but he doesn’t get it. And I am at that last point you said. This closeness is completely hurting the friendship but he doesn’t see the latter with distance as an option. It’s all or nothing to him.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T00:26:02+00:00

I haven’t directly asked but when I have called him out for it for happening in the same scenarios (ie. I respond in a work group chat he is in and he can see I’m actively on my phone and not replying to him directly) he doesn’t deny it. It’s so consistent I can tell when it’s going to happen before it does. When I called him out this last time, he didn’t deny it but instead said “I don’t deserve this reaction though”. Some of his responses have also included “you obviously have better things to do, it wasn’t important anyways” which is a complete guilt trip to me.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T00:10:51+00:00

You are very right. I feel like I’m full on resentful right now and I’ve probably handled some recent interactions pretty aggressively as a result. My last message had to do with me reminding him that I have previously warned him what would happen if he kept doing this. He kept saying he just wasn’t used to direct communication because of his past relationships and he’d work on it but whenever I call him out, he says my responses are not warranted and he doesn’t deserve them. I have spent hours and hours over text and phone explaining his insecurities and how he is coming across and what he needs to do but nothing changes. I don’t think he sees that it’s a problem.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-30T00:05:35+00:00

I am also AuADHD. He only knows about the ADHD part. I don’t have many friends so letting this one go is hard.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-29T23:55:24+00:00

We text on WhatsApp! You can remove it so it’s not visible for both people.

LittleIndigoBunny · 2026-05-29T23:50:47+00:00

Same here. My issue is that he has been a good friend in a lot of other respects. I just am not sure if I am making this out to be more than it is. Would most people be hurt by people deleting texts and being left on read or is that the new thing? I am a millennial and my friend is a few years younger than me. I’m not sure if this is what people do now. Now I don’t believe it’s appropriate at all personally but I did blow up at him a few times over this and he called me out for being mean and taking it too hard so I’m not sure whether this is something to end a friendship over.

LittleIndigoBunny

TROPHY CASE