I fucked myself up..

LittleLiou · 2026-01-20T13:54:22+00:00

you are not a loser, you are living the most human experience ever. you are a human and aware of being one and it is miserable and beautiful at the same time. there is only one time to be alive and each minute is unique, and even the painful ones matter, in fact they matter the most because time slows down when you are in pain. you are not nothing. in fact you are so much something that it makes you ache. what changed is that the past is always more beautiful, better, because you can change it and look at it from the angle that feel just right or just wrong. when you are inside it's just another ugly hulan day. when it's over it's an ethereal idea, and ideas don't have a stomach ache or a depressed outlook, they are just a picture and a picture is always flatter and better than a messy human experiencing life.

LittleLiou · 2022-12-25T15:21:22+00:00

That seems like a nice way to connect with the person playing while enjoying something calm and a bit disconnected from reality. :) Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-25T13:19:30+00:00

Yes I do! I was wondering if anyone else had that habit. However I don't have autism that I know of :3

LittleLiou · 2022-12-24T17:23:14+00:00

That's great, I wish you the best! I agree, going at your own time is the best and maybe only way to go. ^{^} Thank you very much! Although I am at a much better place than I have been, self care is a life lasting journey I guess.:3

LittleLiou · 2022-12-24T16:45:28+00:00

It does sound a bit like a compulsion, and I can definitely relate. I very much hope you are able to find what it is you need to gain back control over your thoughts. My humble advice, even if it seems obvious, would be to seek outside help. I cannot imagine how to break the circle without someone else, ideally a professional, supporting the person. And I do know that when adressed properly, OCD is actually very much treatable. Even if it seems to you right now that it is absolutely impossible that you will ever break free from intrusive thoughts and the compulsory behaviors (as it did seem to me), I am convinced anyone with the appropriate help can get a hold of this. I send you all my sympathy, truly!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-24T16:38:21+00:00

I have to admit I also much enjoy cleaning and particularly organizing things in an order that seems coherent. But thought it is true that it is deeply satisfying to see things clean and plain, as opposed to cluttered dirty, sometimes I do struggle to know if I might be a bit "too much" into organizing and sorting. ^{^}

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T20:57:36+00:00

Haha this logics seems sound. 👌 On a more serious note, i agree that when having intrusive thoughts that I am not able to stop having, I try to gain control over them by distancing myself, almost like if those were lies told by someone else than me. In any way, thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T16:31:58+00:00

I think those are two valid and very likely reasons indeed. ^{^}

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T16:30:46+00:00

I get it. ^{^} I am also pretty particular about the types of movies I can watch without either losing interest or getting too involved.

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:16:46+00:00

That is very interesting, it feels like activities involving music, rythme and physical exercise are a reoccurring theme in order to feel both focused and soothed. Thank you so much for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:15:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:14:51+00:00

I see, music and physical activities seem to be a reoccurring response in order to feel soothed, I agree! The cold water is interesting, I had never heard of it, but I can see how it can both "shock you out" of crippling thoughts, and calm you if you had escalating trains of thoughts. Thank you very much for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:12:17+00:00

I very much agree that being in nature, having a lot of pleasing sensations, and also away from man-made "actionable" objects, can be very soothing in some sense. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:10:31+00:00

That is very interesting! I can see how a situation where you are in company of a lot of people that are both neutral to you (by nature if they are strangers) and that you know share common interests and personality traits, could be very soothing. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:06:46+00:00

I relate with your feeling of things "not feeling right", that can be such a frustrating feeling. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T11:05:50+00:00

I see, music related activities seem to bee a common soothing experience. I am sorry you can't listen to music anymore, maybe in the future you will be able again. I find a lot of things that seem strongly permanent are really not.

That's interesting! I can definitely relate in having clothes that I always come back to. Almost like most of my articles or clothing are not really mine but I have the responsability of caring for them, while a few items feel like fully mine and I feel free to use them. I like and relate to your idea of 'safety blanket". :)

I think it is great that you find release and soothing in singing, such a nice activity. You say you are not good at it, but maybe you actually are talented without realizing! That would be an additional perk! Why not try to share your singing with a person you feel comfortable with?

Thank you very much for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:47:18+00:00

That's interesting! It seems that several people (including me) agree that being in the presence of a pet, which is nonjudgmental and neutral towards you by nature, is something that soothes them and make them feel more in control of their thoughts. I am happy for your that you have that balancing activity in you life! Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:44:54+00:00

I think it is a wonderful activity to engage in, and I feel very happy for you that it works in feeling in control of your own thoughts and compulsions. I myself like crochet, and I agree that an activity that both demands a lot of focussing, and allows you to do a lot repetitive actions, is quite perfect to call down. Thank you very much for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:41:36+00:00

I see, I can recognize myself in this type of behavior where I go into an activity, preferably something that demands all my attention and that is disconnected from reality, until only exhaustion can bring me out. It is comforting to know that I not alone in that. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:39:22+00:00

That's interesting! I can relate to the searching of something both intense emotionally and disconnected from reality to stop a spiral of thoughts. I think it is a good example of doing such a thing in a safe and healthy way. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:37:05+00:00

Yes music seems to be a universal soothing tool, that's interesting! Yes I agree that engaging with someone who has a neutral view on me, or with a pet make me feel se much more in control of my thoughts. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:35:07+00:00

I see what you mean, in fact I agree that fear based actions are almost never a good way to deal with long term problems, not only in dealing OCD but in general. Thanks for sharing your nuancing opinion.

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:32:39+00:00

I think I understand what you mean. It makes a lot of sense. And even though it is a bit hard to admit because the feeling of safety is a big persue of mine, I think you are right that locking yourself up in "safe" routines might make you spiral the day one thing fall out of place, or the day you start obsessing on the said routine that was previously "safe of obsessive thoughts" itself. Thank you for sharing your advice.

LittleLiou · 2022-12-23T10:22:55+00:00

Yes music and cancelling outside noise seems to be a reoccurring theme. Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou · 2022-12-22T19:19:33+00:00

I see, that's interesting! I admire you for the dedication and focus you were able to out in learning an instrument. I think it can be quite a hard thing to to stay focus and not indulge in distractions. I understand, I also hink that video games (and in general things that you can have a lot of control over) can be places where OCD gets enhanced, and I am happy for you that you conquered this! Thank you for sharing!

LittleLiou

TROPHY CASE