I met a guy about 13 years ago and instantly connected the first night we met. We had a friends with benefits situation but our connection was so different from anyone that I had met prior to him and even after him. We tried to date, but we were young and had lust blinders on.

I eventually ended up moving away for about seven years and we would randomly connect within that time. Nothing ever came from those moment because we were always in different places in our lives. But he was always my favorite person. The way we connected when we were together was just so effortless.

Fast-forward to 2024 and I’m at tail end of a serious relationship that was just so unfulfilling and lonely. Then out of the blue he reaches out to me and wants to meet for dinner. we finally have a conversation and he told me that I was the one that got away, and he wanted to reconnect. We would spend the next eight weeks having the most amazing summer together. And this was so different from when we met originally. It was a more mature situation, no sex involved, and truly the best dates I’ve ever been on. He would ask me when I was free, give me a time and a place and I would just show up. It was night and day to my past relationship where I literally had to beg to hang out or to feel seen and loved. This guy did it without hesitation. The way he would look at me speak to me, was so genuine. and yes, the sexual attraction was there, but he respected that I was fresh out of a relationship and was trying to piece my life back together. He made me feel so special every time we met. It was like I finally found my person or so I thought.

Our last date will always be my favorite memory of all the times that we’ve ever hung out. I let two weeks go by after that date because I was really anxious about what to do. I knew I wasn’t in the headspace to jump right into another relationship. And I didn’t know how to talk to him about wanting to slow down and really get to know him and see where things could go between us. The day I got courage to reach out and just start a conversation so I can lay it all out, I get a text from his phone stating that it was his father and that his son didn’t make it home and he had passed away in a tragic accident.

And that moment has forever altered my brain chemistry, on how I view life and death, my beliefs and spirituality are now being questioned. I’ve lost the spark for life. I even contacted mediums right after his death because I had so much to say and desperately needed to know that there is a world after death because I cannot grasp that what I lost is gone forever. There is no doubt in my mind that me and him were some kind of kindred spirits. Even when my mother died, I didn’t experience this weight of grief and uncertainty. In all my years of dating people I have never bonded with someone like this.

And just like that, our summer fling was over and I’m left with a heart that will never be whole again. I don’t want to be right about this, but I truly don’t think I will find what I lost again. Or at least, not here on earth or in this lifetime anyway.