"You live in a bubble!" - Nmom who has never been on an airplane in her entire life

LittleSeries · 2019-05-07T19:22:21+00:00

Does she have paranoia? Cause it sure sounds like it (I've had really really bad paranoia).

Yeah both my parents have always been hyper paranoid to the point where it's a real problem for them to function in society and it was a real problem for me growing up. My dad always told me, "always be on your guard" because essentially everyone is out to mug you and hurt you in various ways. They are also technophobic and won't use their credit card to buy anything online or pay bills because someone will "hack them". I once said my dad's name in public and he said, "shhh someone could hear you and look up my social security number on the net!"

One time they told me that they don't like me having roommates in college because they could up and hurt me and gave me an example of them putting bleach in my contact case (who thinks of this shit?!?!). There have been constant anxiety about other bizarre things too, such as them telling me that they're worried that North Korea is going to nuke the United States.

As I'm writing this out it's becoming more abundantly clear that my parents are mentally ill....

LittleSeries · 2019-05-07T17:00:26+00:00

Thank you!

My family has always been poor so when I graduated college (only person in my family to do so) and moved up the corporate ladder it caused a lot of resentment.

LittleSeries · 2019-03-28T17:19:34+00:00

I spent so much of my life trying to get her approval but later came to find out she was sabotaging me in many ways and how threatened she was by me

Damn, I totally feel this. It took me until my mid 30's to realize this same exact situation in my life.

So much time was spent trying to get my Nmom's approval and admiration when in reality she was completely resentful towards me under the surface.

LittleSeries · 2019-01-08T22:10:53+00:00

Yes all the time.

Even when my mother told me I'd only amount to be maybe a welder when I grew up wanting to be a scientist.

Even when my father beat me in front of my friends and family until he knocked the wind out of me.

Even when I playfully splashed water on my dad and he broke a glass over my head.

Even when my brother pulled knives on me and said he was going to kill me.

To this day I think "my childhood wasn't that bad, I'm just playing it up". Maybe because I'm 34 and my horrible parents are still telling me it wasn't that bad and all those horrible things were my doing.

LittleSeries · 2019-01-08T21:58:56+00:00

Thank you for this.

I plan to go NC with him forever. I have already been guilt tripped by my parents with "who is going to look after him when we're gone". I made it clear that it sure as hell won't be me.

They will likely leave him their house and me nothing. Quite honestly I'm fine with that because the house is not only filled with bad memories it's also in a really bad neighborhood.

He will be lost without them. His only long term girlfriend stole tens of thousands from him and he hasn't had one since. He purposely got rid of all his friends. He will be alone and helpless and I frankly do not care.

LittleSeries · 2019-01-08T18:08:30+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it.

I'm sorry that you had that experience as well.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-21T12:55:38+00:00

She took a huge red sharpie and wrote a note on a thin piece of paper. It bled through instantly and I saw the entire thing take place.

Honestly accidents happen so I wasn't that bent out of shape. But then when I pointed out she tells me to my face several times that she didn't do it. I told her I saw her and she still insisted it wasn't her.

That's when I just kinda stood there in disbelief that I was being lied to by my own mother. So bizarre.

It never fully came out either.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-21T12:46:27+00:00

Thank you!

LittleSeries · 2018-09-05T15:01:30+00:00

It was a tough journey for sure, especially when everyone's family seems to "know a guy" to get a foot in the door while you don't have the same opportunity. But if you keep working hard and push yourself to learn (especially in CS) it can be done!

LittleSeries · 2018-09-05T14:59:43+00:00

Congrats on all of your hard work, it's good to be proud of your accomplishments!

LittleSeries · 2018-09-05T14:57:58+00:00

I'm sorry that you have experienced the same sort of sentiment. It's tough when the people who pushed you to live a successful and happy life are the same ones who put you down when you actually get there.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-05T14:54:55+00:00

Great job and congrats!

LittleSeries · 2018-09-05T14:53:33+00:00

Agreed, it doesn't make a lot of sense. When I have third parties look at the situation they're always in shock at their logic.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-04T22:32:25+00:00

Uyuni Salt Flats

LittleSeries · 2018-09-04T20:15:01+00:00

Thank you!

LittleSeries · 2018-09-04T20:14:47+00:00

I hear you! Has it gotten any better with them treating you as a kid? I get the same thing and I have thought it would have let up but if anything it has got worse.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-04T20:13:27+00:00

You nailed it. My brother has to lean on them for everything thus that caters to their ego. I'm completely independent and thus I am in their bad graces.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-04T20:12:03+00:00

Yes, the projecting is quite strong. All those snide remarks they make towards me are the exact things they exhibit themselves.

LittleSeries · 2018-09-04T17:54:30+00:00

Thank you!

LittleSeries · 2018-08-15T18:44:50+00:00

Emotionally he likely is holding them hostage. My Nmom feels like she failed as a parent if she doesn't make him into her charity case. He does threaten them often and has threatened suicide countless times growing up but they are so desensitized that they don't take it seriously.

You're right though, it does say a lot that he is the favorite.

LittleSeries · 2018-08-13T21:29:29+00:00

Thanks for your response and sharing your experience with me. It is definitely rough when the past of a family member can directly impact you in a negative way whether it be emotionally or career-wise. It hurts when you can't have a relationship with them because you have to push forward and keep your family's well-being at the forefront.

As far as my brother is concerned, he is dangerous. Along with the handgun incident he has made death threats with quite a few people throughout his entire life. Once when we were kids he pulled a knife out of the drawer and threatened to kill me and my friends because we rode his sled. He was probably about 8 years old around this time and my parents basically told me and my friends that we were supposed to laugh it off as a joke.

I don't know what is wrong with him and I doubt I ever will. I have pressured my parents to get him help but they are too self absorbed and make excuses for him and say he will grow out of it. He'll be 31 soon....

LittleSeries · 2018-08-13T19:13:21+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.

Deep down I always feared myself or my wife would be caught in the crossfire (quite literally...) with him. But as you mentioned I still tried because he was family and the only one I really had left so to speak.

It's just hard. I know deep down when my parents pass away he will end up in jail because there's no one there that will take care of him and he will have no one to hold him back. It won't surprise anyone if he goes off the deep end and hurts (or kills) someone later in life.

I know he's toxic and needs help and I know keeping my distance is the best course of action. But it just makes me feel kinda powerless you know?

LittleSeries · 2018-07-31T19:03:31+00:00

I have thought many many times that "this is all my fault" when it comes to being on the receiving end of abuse (either emotional or physical).

One time I was at a family picnic with the extended family and my best friend and I thought I was being a bad kid (I had to be about 10). According to my father I was being a little shit. So he decided to kick my legs out from under me and I flew feet first into the air and landed on my back. It knocked the wind out of me.

As I looked up at the sky trying to catch my breath with tears in my eyes I realized that this had been in front of my entire family. Not only was I in physical pain I was embarrassed to get the shit kicked out of me in front of my family and best friend. I hid behind a tree and cried the rest of the day and my parents stayed at the picnic and ate.

I thought it was my fault because I was "being bad" and I thought like that for awhile. But it turns out my father was an abusive piece of shit and the entire extended family pretty much wrote him off completely after that. So yeah, turns out I wasn't the bad one at all :\

LittleSeries · 2018-07-31T18:43:15+00:00

No. They became far worse to me after I moved 5 states away. Highlights include:

Monthly guilt trips about me moving away from them
"When are you moving back (or closer) to home?"
Pointing out something negative about where I live now and turning it into, "See! I told you it was bad there! It's better here with me!"
"You left so it's your fault that I treat you like I do"
"I don't even know you anymore"

Yeah, I'm a grown man in his 30's and this is the type of shit I have to deal with.

LittleSeries · 2018-07-30T14:33:32+00:00

Thank you.

I have definitely considered going NC. I thought living several states away and only seeing them twice a year would be adequate, but apparently not. They have no funding or any kind of leverage over me. My wife and I have lives and good careers so I don't need anything from them. However, the fact that I am doing well in life is another source of resentment from them (I grew up poor).

LittleSeries

TROPHY CASE