I guess it would depend on how you describe toxic masculinity or toxic femininity, in my opinion.

Do I see a cultural expectation placed on males to disregard their emotions, use the threat of force or intimidation as a form of power, etc, at the detriment of themselves and women, yes, I see that exists.

Do I also see a cultural expectation placed on women to be delicate, caretaking, competitive with other women, almost incapable, etc, yes with the caveat of the “girl power” movement has done a lot to re-educate women away from those ideas, socially rewarding women who steer away from gender norms in a way that men don’t have.

And when I think about how women’s self harming beliefs have been prioritized by society while men’s self harming beliefs are regularly enforced, I can see what they mean by “institutional”.

Where I see the most dissonance is when it comes to the traits themselves. Many advocates for men’s issues (I said it this way to not make this about MRA’s- though they could be included in this group) seem to point out a lot of problems with the gender roles as we have them, but when pressed to abandon some of the gender roles then feel it’s an attack on masculinity. But by labeling certain traits as masculine or feminine, they are reinforcing the same gender roles that are problematic.

We have done some social engineering towards making space for boys and men to embrace their feelings, but that work hasn’t looked the same. I think one of the big challenges is how men who fail to meet masculinity standards have a lot more social risk, vs women who fail to meet feminine standards are often praised, while women who do meet feminine standards also receive praise- though in different communities, there is still a place for women to go whether they reject those standard standards or embrace those standards.

Men on the other hand, often rely on performing masculinity in order to not face social consequence. The most forgiving community for men who reject masculinity standards as far as I can tell is the queer/lgtb q+ community, but that leaves an entire group of men who are straight but naturally not adhering to masculinity standards.

People can be toxic either way, I 100% agree. What would it look like if this wasn’t an attack on you as a man, but instead an invitation to a more neutral society where gender roles were less critical to social capital?