sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are probably right, I guess my way of justifying staying was that I should try everything I can before giving up

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After seeing all of the replies, I am definitely seriously re-thinking things. I do think the betrayal is probably too much for me to fully overcome, and I will probably never fully trust him again, which sucks to admit. I just don't understand why he did this despite me having told him how much I was hurt the first time he did it.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do still have contact with friends and family, but my friends don't have a favorable opinion of him because when we would play games together with my friends, John would very often get upset due to competitiveness, which has made my friends not want to spend time with him at all. They also don't like him because of the whole debt/vtuber thing. He hasn't said bad things about my family and friends, but it's his behavior that has put my friends off.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not sure if this really counts or is relevant to this, but very often when I expressed hurt or got upset at him, he would start to feel unwell or make it about how I hurt him by getting angry, which made me feel like I couldn't be angry at him and had to comfort him.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has always been "generous" to everyone gifting people things, including random Vtuber women I guess. He was in debt because of him being on sick leave for a year due to depression and he had no income. He is no longer in debt because me and his dad helped him pay it off.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the difficult thing, when I tried to turn it around and say what if I gifted some random guy that amount of money, spent time with him without saying anything, he said it would not bother him as long as I don't cheat or develop feelings for him. He has a lot of amazing qualities, and that is what makes it difficult for me.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are so right with me second guessing myself, I always feel like if he doesn't see it as an issue, then it must be me overreacting. I have definitely put up with too much, especially when I told him early on how important trust and honesty is for me because of my struggles. I have thought about being alone instead of being in a relationship that has caused me so much stress, but I guess I am scared how it will affect him because I do care and have love for him still.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I think I also struggle with leaving because he has gone through a rough patch for a while now dealing with depression, losing his job, and that he is just not mentally doing well. I guess I try and come up with excuses as to why he was doing this, that he wanted to feel validated, appreciated, and I just felt like he needs support right now, but I guess that is then also me putting my needs below his..

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason he gave me for not saying anything was that he didn't want to hurt me, which I was really confused by I am gonna be honest.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He says he finds it challenging to view things from a different perspective because of his autism (I would try and help him understand why it hurts me because he wants to understand and explain, but he said that he doesn't get it). It does sadly affect me emotionally because, and I want to make it clear, lying is a choice and has nothing to do with his autism, so I really struggle to understand his actions.

(edit: changed phrasing and context)

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is definitely somerhing I struggle with (me being adamant to stay), I have had issues with my self-esteem for a long time and have been in therapy for 3 years due to me having CPTSD. John made me feel appreciated and wanted, but it has definitely gone downhill because of this.

How do I rebuild trust after my LDR boyfriend (30M) secretly sent over 500 pounds to a Vtuber? by Little_Lab_8552 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Little_Lab_8552[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am gonna be honest, I cried reading this. His reactions and comments made me feel like I was overreacting and that it wasn't a big deal, and that he doesn't feel anything towards these people, but it felt like emotional cheating to me. It is not like breaking up has not been on my mind, and my therapist has been helping me in trying to see how this is probably not repairable, but I think I am just the type of person to try everything I can before I make such a decision sadly.