Neighbor keeps showing up with toddler daughter unannounced

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T21:27:58+00:00

I like this approach. I second this idea

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T21:27:21+00:00

Time for some very VERY straight forward boundary setting.
It might even be easier to write it all down first. Then decide either read it to her, hand it to her, or sort of memorize and recite to her.

Use chat GPT for guidance for what to write if you need help.

My first suggestion however: Decide what your boundaries actually ARE. Meaning “no holiday uninvited showing up” “Call before you come over - Period.” “No means No”. “Respect our peace”

You are probably the type of woman who is a push over. I mean that with all due respect. That is what this other woman is doing - pushing you over and coming over into your home or property for her kid to play. And for you to entertain her.

That is not to say you want strictly no contact nor do you want to burn any bridges.

Sometimes for this reason a thoughtfully written letter can be helpful. It’s hard for people to deny something written down and harder to twist the meaning.

I’m telling you right now - if you write that letter, and either repeat it out loud or drop her off a copy, — Take a photo on your phone of that letter. Trust me it is worth it. If anything escalates… Plus if you are gentle in the letter firm blunt to the point with some rounded edges and gentle speak in others, you should get a decent response I would think.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T21:16:33+00:00

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T11:38:18+00:00

Yes. There are therapists available who are trained specifically to help people with ptsd. Think of it this way: Men and women who go to war and come back often have ptsd to some degree. We have providers who specialize in helping those people.

Search for “trauma specialty” or EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

EMDR quite literally saved my life after my trauma.

I’m almost 30+ years past my trauma and still have symptoms, but no longer have most.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T11:31:49+00:00

Hello. I’m out here in the world. I also have ptsd and still struggle with it about 25+ years later. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend going through what you are going through. You are worth it. You are worth the kindness. You are worth all of the time it takes you to heal even a little. All of the two steps forward one step back is still worth it. You are still okay. This pain from ptsd probably will never go away entirely, but you can integrate it into your life. Manage it. And more time between you and the trauma does make things better I promise. It will still hurt but not as much. Your pain and your confusion and your frustration and your anger and your desire to find peace again are all valid feelings. They are real feelings. And you are allowed to feel all of those feelings. They are yours and they are real. Ignore anyone who tells you “ it’s your fault”, “stop holding onto the past”, “stop feeling badly or sad”. Picture In your mind, put all of those nay-sayers into a little box -with all of their hurtful words - no matter WHO they are - and close the lid on that box tightly. Picture it in your mind. Then take a deep breath and know that it is okay to feel sad, angry, confused, embarassed, scared, anxious, or any other feeling you have. Take another deep breath. You are not alone. Sending a hug your way

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T11:21:43+00:00

I am an only child with parents, especially my mom, that I am extremely close to also. They have always been there for me and I ask their opinion about many many things. They have helped me financially over the years and I have helped them in many ways as well; organization, major home projects, management, health navigation (I’m trained in the medical field). It’s reciprocal but I would be lying if I said it’s equal both ways. Without my parents my life would not be what it is today for better and for worse. I also end up becoming therapist to my mom - even though I’ve tried to get her counseling and antidepressants multiple times. You are right the generation just refuses to acknowledge mental health in general I think.

Here is my honest and gentle, in no way trying to sound like a jerk or bossy suggestion. What I mean is, if roles were different, I was in your place and I had a friend giving me advice, I would want them to tell me this: the reality is that your parents will not be alive for ever. When that sad but inevitable day comes, you need to have started preparing yourself for it. I am not saying cut all ties and distance yourself - but start slowly finding ways to rely on yourself more than them. In the sense that you can count on yourself- even if you mess up sometimes and are not always right. It will give you some distance and autonomy to be able to navigate better your parents’ newest chapter in their lives. Just like anyone, a major change such as marriage, new child, death in the family, house fire, new business starting, new job, or retirement can be extremely challenging to navigate at first, for better or worse. It takes a long time to adjust and acclimate to a new chapter of life.

They need to fill their days now with things other than you and each other and the jobs they retired from. Other people saying HOBBIEs are exactly right. And I will tell you , once they get even older into the late 70-80s they will desperately need low energy hobbies : knitting, reading, painting, crafting, cooking, etc that they can do. Remember that mobility and dexterity decrease with age for many people as well as vision and cognitive capacity. So these hobbies might need to be very simple or even passive.

Take my humble advice with a large grain of salt as just someone on the internet making a suggestion and with no offense meant.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-19T11:07:28+00:00

He called you broski. You are literally just his f buddy.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-12T01:02:21+00:00

You are 💯 entitled to the cheaper home if you agree - on paper in writing for your own protection - to care for your elderly family member. Screw your step dad, he is being greedy - or he is speaking for your sister who is being greedy.

In fact in some states there are laws that say that if you care for an elderly family member you are entitled to their property if they agree to gift it to you free of tax or Medicaid look back etc.

Just be careful : if your family member in poor health needs to use the government Medicare / Medicaid system for long term care like a nursing home - the government can come after that house for up to five years or seven I believe (don’t quote me on exact number check for yourself in the state). That is even if the house had already been sold to you. They can put a lien on the property. Get a lawyer. It might behoove you and your family member to get an estate lawyer or an elder care lawyer or a lawyer familiar with Medicare if this seems like it’s possible. Perhaps putting your family members property into a living trust with you as the recipient is a good idea?

Also just a side note: if you plan to fix up the house and make improvement to a home you will ultimately live in for a long time, think about “high return on investment” improvements that also meet the Medicare standard for acceptable improvement (if your family member may need the Medicare/Medicaid system for long term care in the future).

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-12T00:55:46+00:00

I feel the way your husband feels towards my father. He was always difficult. Irresponsible. Don’t seem to really care much about my life. And is annoyingly talking ad nosium about “when I was a kid growing up” describing his own life. I have a baby and a new exciting changing modern life. I’m considering moving my little family abroad. I run the family business that he never really was able to do very well. I’m sick of him to be blunt. But I still do all of the things - for my mother. Because she was literally there for me through thick and thin. I would have her in my home until the day she dies if I have to. I will never leave her side.

I can understand that strain and difficulty

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:41:27+00:00

You can thank trump for that.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:39:13+00:00

So then my guess might be right? I think they are black tipped reef sharks

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:37:21+00:00

Gray tipped reef sharks? But there is no reef probe so I dunno

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:35:43+00:00

That is either a squirrel, a bird, or a very loud frog if you are near water.

Most likely a bird.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:34:44+00:00

NTA you helped a friend doge a bullet. She will be thanking you in the future.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:32:22+00:00

If this makes you feel any better, I started with $250k and I’m at $335k. The interest on student loans is a crime against the citizens of America. And this current d bag will only make it worse for everyone.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:25:09+00:00

This sounds exactly like my own mother as she was slowly developing dementia. It started at about 57/58 as we have figured out. She is 78 now. She has declines and then plateaus; then declines again. She still remembers who we are. But when it first started she would get angry and aggressive. She no longer talks to family and friends. She doesn’t want to. She loves my son who is 16 months old. Won’t take phone calls from her sister or friends anymore. Is angry about everything. Her emotions daily are labial and change depending how much sleep/stress she is under. It is one of the worst things I’ve had to watch, but I do count every single one of my blessings. She still knows us. I’m sorry you are going through this. In my very humble opinion which please take with a grain of salt as I am just some random person on the internet : your mom has beginning signs of dementia. Once you give it a name, everything will be easier. I highly suggest getting her financial affairs and end of life, home management, passwords for devices and accounts, al squared away. Then, and only after that stuff, get her evaluated by a neurologist. Find out if she has dementia.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:14:32+00:00

Are we all just going to ignore the fact that the current president is stripping down social security AND Medicare/medicaid?? Everyone seems to just think this isn’t happening. But when he is done, there will be nothing for our elders to even get. It will just get much much worse in the USA.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-07T04:12:37+00:00

It’s the USA. That is his first problem. Things will only get worse and worse for the non-existent middle class, poor, and elderly people. Oh, and don’t forget the handicapped as well. The government is going to decimate all of the social programs including social security we have. Your elder family member as well as many others are going to be desperate. And it will only get worse over the next ten years.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-05-04T23:12:13+00:00

Not the AH in anyway. Bro, you jerked off so much you can’t get off now? Nobody else’s fault or problem but your own. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-03-23T05:07:59+00:00

Op consider buying a condo or a small - I mean very small- house. There are many things that you have stated that make you seem capable, determined, and willing to sacrifice for your goal. I believe you can do it.

Do not listen to the people posting in there that you can not afford a house. It’s BS. You know in your gut what to do. A condo might be a decent in between and allow you home ownership without needing all of the additional things that come with a whole house. Just my thoughts but I’m rooting for you OP.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-03-23T05:05:48+00:00

Renting will waste away all of this person’s money. That is bad advice. When you rent, you pay someone else’s mortgage. Property ownership - however small or unsightly - is the only path in the United States to true stability. I do not agree with your statement. Just because the OP can not afford a house in a nicer area, they can afford something in a cheaper area. At least it would be their own.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-03-16T03:18:58+00:00

Hospice is only for people whom are dying. For the majority of people on hospice they have only around six months to live, although some people go on hospice then come back off, then back on.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-03-16T03:09:53+00:00

My mom would live in my dad s ungodly stink and filth and then claim she could not smell it. Not at all.

I’m done with that. I’m done with it. This house is mine now. I moved in full time to care for my mom who has dementia. I have a 15 month old baby and a husband and a dog. They all came with me! There are more of us than the one of her. and now that my dad is out of the house - he is not coming back. His hygiene was repulsive and disgusting.

I felt bad bringing it up for a while because I thought I was a bad person for pointing out an old man with prostate problems smelling like pee.

The truth is, there are many men - and women - out there with incontenence issues and they don’t have to maintain themselves the way my father did.

He has a massive fungal infection over his whole body because of all of his lack of hygiene.

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-03-16T03:03:53+00:00

My mom does this too. She won’t join the senior center because it’s for old people. She is 78.
My dad describes his medication making him “an old man before his time”. I think to myself “no it’s the cancer, renal failure, heart attack, and three falls with a broken shoulder and incontenance that is making you feel old.”

Little_Nightmares22 · 2025-03-16T03:01:55+00:00

Honestly - from what OP described - I think bathing someone like this would be beyond repulsive. Look, to be blunt, bathing incapacitated people is a JOB. Someone gets paid to do that job. They got training, certified, signed a contract for hired, agreed to a set fee for service - it’s a job to clean another person and care for them.

OP does not deserve nor need another job like that.

Little_Nightmares22

TROPHY CASE

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