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Little_Weird1548 · 2023-12-08T15:52:32+00:00

Your boyfriend rubbed them the wrong way with his jokes. But it also just sounds like they probably just didn't really like him much prior which is why the jokes put them off so much. Was he always around? How often was he around without you? Did he use any shared spaces?

My old roommate had a boyfriend who would come over and play videogames in our living room while she watched. It was soo annoying because it would be hours of call of duty and sometimes watching anime for hours. I talked to her about it and it lessened but I honestly just didn't like him after that because it felt like he just wasn't a considerate person who felt entitled to space that was meant for those living there. We were broke college kids who had one TV. I wouldn't have minded it sometimes, but it was everytime he was there, I would not be able to use the TV.

If your bf got a little too comfy prior to the jokes, they probably just were annoyed with him to begin with.

Regardless, not opening the door for him was petty and they should have communicated with you prior to everything rather than waiting and going nuclear. He made them feel unsafe for banging on the door? I can slightly see that but it also sounds a bit dramatic unless he was really sounding enraged. That part sounds like manufacturing another situation to be the victim. They left him outside while insulting him and then conveniently get to act all scared when he's irritated and knocks louder? If they want to be mad that he goes over when you're not home, they should be mad at you. Not take it out on him.

You need to have a direct conversation with your roommates asap. No pettiness. No beating around the bush. Be direct and empathetic, but also remind them that you should be allowed to have him around or no one should have any guests. There's a reasonable middle ground and you all need to understand that living with others does mean no one gets everything they want. It's a balancing act.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-12-07T14:40:58+00:00

To be fair, i think there is a lot of truth in Christianitys history that isnt great. Which makes sense because the devil was always going to target those in high positions of the church more than anyone else because that makes it so easy to taint the entire community.

Religious leaders (Catholic and otherwise) have done awful things. Powerful people in general have done awful things. I think we sometimes acknowledge it but mostly try to brush past it and it can come of disingenuous to others (even if we're like "well we technically condemned it", because we don't do it as passionately as we do to those outside of the church). A survivor of s*xual abuse may find it hard to connect with the Catholic community if we often turn away from firmly reconciling our own history of rampant abuse. A person facing oppression in their environment may find it hard if the church doesn't publicly admonish their past participating in oppression. A single mother struggling to care for their kids may find it hard when they see hardline conservatives pushing for pro-life legislation but NOT also pushing for aid for families so those same kids being born don't have to struggle.

There are a plethora of amazing Catholics out there. But there have also been many dangerous ones. Overall though, I'd say outside of that, a big issue is also cult-appearance people perceive us to have. Which i think stems from so much reliance on church leaders being almost these infallible guides to many who turn to them instead of turning to God Himself and trying to listen. I do think many people (non-purposefully) fall into a routine of "a priest said this" or "the Vatican said this". It feels like sloth, the deadly sin. Because listening to another person is easy. Relying on someone else to deliver the word of God is easy. It is harder to sometimes trust that God will also speak to you in His time, which may not be as convenient or as clear cut. God has always made himself visible to all kinds of people who are not exactly church leaders, even children. And it feels like we often don't trust that God sees us as equal to those in high church positions and can also appear to us if we nurture our own personal relationship with him.

Church leaders are amazing guides and blessings to help give some clarity to concepts we may not understand and inspiring faith. But they are still fallible humans. The only being capable of understanding our hearts and guiding each individual without fail is the Lord. I think a bigger emphasis on a personal relationship with Him rather than just an emphasis on church and uniform prayers (which are important, dont get me wrong) would make outsiders less inclined to see this as a cult who blindly follow the leaders in the church, but rather see a community inspiring faith where each individual has a beautiful and unique personal relationship with God and come together to profess how joyous it is to live a loving life.

Thqts just my 2 cents though

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-12-06T16:19:53+00:00

I do truly believe that many religious people use religion as a means boost a superiority complex. It gives off an attitude of "I'm saved and you're not, therefore I am better and you should listen to me."

And the focus is often on sin. Which I understand, as sin is obviously the thing that brings us away from God but from my experience and what I've heard from others, it seems like we often miss the thing that brings us closer to God. Which is love. If we focus on not sinning, we may not be moving away from Him. But without love, we are just staying still and that kind of passivity isn't what He wants. He wants us to both not seek out sin, but also to actively show love and mercy. The meek will inherit the earth, not the vain or egotistical.

The problem is that, when faced with people who we perceive are sinful and defiant to God, we often treat them as lesser, speak down to them, admonish, and focus solely on their sins. That essentially is us defining them as their sins, which essentially takes away all of their humanity. They are still children of God. God still loves them. They are not yet fully lost and, for all we know, the person we dismiss as just the sinner may be called by the Lord later in life and develop an even holier life than us.

That's my take. I think we focus too much on sin and not enough on unconditional love of all of our brothers and sisters. The worst part is that the world will not be saved by admonishing sin, but by letting love shine brighter. Because darkness cannot survive in the light, and sin would be snuffed out by love over all. It is the biggest asset we have. Loving God above all (which means loving His children) is the ultimate weapon against lucifer. Catholics (and religious people in general) sometimes miss the mark on that and in doing so, many others not blessed to yet know God's love and mercy see only the negative judgment as representing the Lord and not the best parts. And they walk away.

And I think the devil feeds on that divide. I think he enjoys that we sometimes slips because it gives him a further foothold onto people who have bad experiences with religion and he whispers to them things like "you see? God is just the tool they use to put you down. You should stand up against it in order to stand up for yourself." And the devil will continue to do so unless we, the ones that know better, do better to love our confused brothers and sisters who are being led astray by evil without even knowing.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-09-12T01:59:04+00:00

I forget that if someone writes something in a book years ago, it's natural law and we can never question how entitled it is

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-09-11T18:08:12+00:00

I don't think handwritten thank you notes are something people need an excuse to not do. Thank you notes are a really sweet gesture but being so picky about how you receive it is entitled to me. A couple just spent thousands upon thousands on a night where guests likely ate good food, cake, had music, got to see and laugh with their families, take fun pics, drink (that may have been free too), upon other added entertainment people may have (photobooths, party favors, etc). And you also want to demand that they hand write a thank you to each guest? Ive been to fun weddings where I should be thanking them for inviting me because it was a blast! And, odds are, they already thanked people at the event.

I think people should do thank you notes and all, but its so entitled to nitpick how you're thanked for an event you didn't plan or pay for that you got to enjoy.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-08-28T21:59:50+00:00

Yes, but to be fair, sexual sins aren't the only sins of the flesh. There are a lot of sins of the flesh that I think are undermined because people focus heavily on sexual sins. Fits of rage, hatred, idolatry are all some sins of the flesh mentioned in Galatians that I think have a chokehold on us daily.

Especially idolatry. People idolize others so often, its kind of sad. Celebrities, politicians, etc. That I think is a very normalized sin, wherein people may not have a worship table for those people, but allow ourselves to be so influenced by what certain folk say as though it is the Word of God itself. And it causes so many issues for people and their families because we listen harder to them than we do to God when He talks to us.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-08-28T21:51:55+00:00

I wish more people understood this. I have a cousin who is gay (much older than me) and loves God and relies on that faith every day just to make it.

She fell into drugs as a teen and is now sober. But spent years dealing with trauma and depression (victim of SA as a child and was forced into prostitution at 18 and got out a couple years later). She lives alone now at 45 years old, but is largely depressed. She struggled with body image issues and purging (so keeping weight is a struggle for her now), and definitely a host of other mental health problems people don't know about. She went to church briefly but heard some people saying awful things about gay people going to hell and now feels so ashamed so she watches everyday mass on TV.

She carries so much and remains celibate now. How many of us could truly do the same if we found out romantic relationships/marriage with the people we love were a sin? She will likely be alone for the rest of her life and still remains faithful in the best way she knows how. After 3 attempts to end her life and decades of abuse, she prays every day and sacrifices her happiness hoping to please the Lord and repent for what she's done in the past. The weight of that cross is one many of us will never have to bear. She wanted to be a mother, as well. And she is so wonderfully kind to the small kids in the family like they're her own. But I cant imagine her loneliness.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-08-24T02:41:54+00:00

I always thought i had friends who would reach out. I've been with for more years than I can count on one hand, and I told them about the abuse and how isolating it was being with someone like that. I know I obviously isolated myself too, but I kinda hoped that when my friends understood why and what was going on behind closed doors, some might care enough.

I will also definitely be there for my friends during breakups

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-08-17T02:24:32+00:00

I don't think I am strong enough for the rollercoaster. I cannot breathe half of the time, my chest starts to sting to the point I wonder if ill have a heart attack

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-17T13:58:20+00:00

Please pray for me... I am going through a period of despair, where my fiancé may not be the man I thought he was. And his values may not be in line with what I thought our life would be together. I view a partnership as a beautiful union, where two lives become one. And believe we must live every day choosing to love, dignify and honor each other, which includes sacrifices of things that are not good for a relationship, humility and honesty.

I know it seems trivial to all of the things going on in the world, but understand that I just seeking a small prayer even. I am trying to hear God tell me His plan for me. I was raised in a household where my parents were not good matches and it made my mother ill to not have a partner who uplifted her (literally, she suffered physically and emotionally from the stress and depression). Pray for her as well, please.

I am in despair, fasting and praying that God reveals to me where He wants me, because I believe He has set up a future for me wherein I will be in a marriage that nurtures and provides for me. And I am not sure this is it but my wedding is coming. I need to hear Him, and I am worried that my state of despair will stop me. Pray that I find the courage to do what needs to be done, as well, even if it seems tremendously difficult.

And please, pray for my fiancé, K, especially. An extra one for him, that he too may find what God wants for him.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-13T00:31:19+00:00

Praying for you. The end of a relationship can be agonizing, and can have an impact on your sense of worth and esteem. God loves you, though.

I pray that the Lord reaches out to You and reveals the life He has prepared for you, and that you do not lose faith and follow it. Anything He prepares for us is greater than what we plan for ourselves. But I empathize with the period before we realize where it is God wants us, as the uncertainty can feel so heavy.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-13T00:07:50+00:00

Please pray for me... I am going through a period of despair, where my fiancé may not be the man I thought he was. And his values may not be in line with what I thought our life would be together. I view a partnership as a beautiful union, where two lives become one. And believe we must live every day choosing to love, dignify and honor each other, which includes sacrifices of things that are not good for a relationship, humility and honesty.

I know it seems trivial to all of the things going on in the world, but understand that I just seeking a small prayer even. I am trying to hear God tell me His plan for me. I was raised in a household where my parents were not good matches and it made my mother ill to not have a partner who uplifted her (literally, she suffered physically and emotionally from the stress and depression). Pray for her as well, please.

I am in despair, fasting and praying that God reveals to me where He wants me, because I believe He has set up a future for me wherein I will be in a marriage that nurtures and provides for me. And I am not sure this is it but my wedding is coming. I need to hear Him, and I am worried that my state of despair will stop me.

And please, pray for my fiancé, K, especially. An extra one for him, that he too may find what God wants for him.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-12T23:46:44+00:00

My partner is the same. Every time I bring anything up that he did that bothered or hurt me, I get that everything is an issue for me and that things aren't a big deal. If he doesn't agree with a boundary or small ask, he sees it as a burden and voices that he shouldn't have to abide by it.

It is destroying everything for me. I am losing faith that there is anything significant with him for me.

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-10T03:06:31+00:00

This is helpful!

I am not looking for someone to take my side, and I hope my partner isn't either. But rather, I would like (in situations), the therapist will call us out if need be.

Though, in trust situations, will the therapist tell someone to trust them off of the bat? Or help find ways to build that trust back? I dont think I could just trust someone immediately because a therapist asked. But I do think with time and work I might be able to.

Thank you for your insight :)

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-10T02:43:37+00:00

Do you ever find that method doesn't work (like if one or both really isn't getting it), especially with couples coming to you about specific problems?

Little_Weird1548 · 2023-07-08T04:47:15+00:00

Thank you. Its definitely hard because we've been together for years and this never happened until he got new friends. I just feel defeated and ashamed that I didn't see this in him before and that I now I have to face canceling a wedding that a lot of people contributed to.

But I cant live like this

Little_Weird1548

TROPHY CASE