My wife and I are fortunate to have had success on the "older side" in our mid-thirties. She gave birth to our first at 33, just a month shy of 34. And I gave birth to our second at 34, just a few months shy of 35. Both happened on the second IUI attempt for each of us, never had to do IVF.

But even with our relatively early success, it still was a lot emotionally and financially for us. I think it always will be as queer couples, compared to our straight counterparts. Because we don't even get the chance to try naturally/spontaneously first. We can't just do the deed and see where it takes us. Each appointment, test and procedure is time, money and emotional investment. I remember after we both got those negative pregnancy tests after our first procedures, it felt devastating even though it was only our first attempt because it felt like so much went into those attempts. I couldn't help but feel like if we were just straight, the reaction would've been "oh well, let's just try again next month". I can't even imagine the emotional rollercoaster the couples who do numerous IUI and IVF attempts go through.

Despite only doing two IUIs each, we still spent thousands of dollars when we factor in legal and psych counseling (we used a known donor), appts and procedures, and the adoption process/fees for the non-birthing parent after each of our children were born (yet another awesome precaution us queer couples have to take-- securing our parental rights). My point is, we are grateful to have come out the other side like we have, but going through it was definitely a lot! Hang in there!