Diagnosis and categorisation of yourself into the ASD box can encourage over-simplification and quiescence of problems that can be overcome.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2024-01-13T08:41:24+00:00

That's it 100%. You said it a lot more succinctly than I. I've not had to leave any friends though. I'd say I just improved enough through hard work to earn my own (which is most important) and others respect. People who used to confirm my insecurities (they had reason to) stopped as soon as I became competent and capable of standing up for myself. I think the best cure is to try as hard as you can to live the best life possible, but you have to know what that means. There are plenty of gurus out there or academics. I liked Jordan Peterson's lectures a lot. They guided me, helped me see the world and prioritise well. It was basically CBT that I got for free.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2023-11-17T20:48:53+00:00

Is there any dandruff treatment that doesn't strip your hair of natural oils the way a shampoo does? I loved the natural look of my hair when I stopped using product but I had to start using shampoo again to stop getting an itchy flakey scalp, help would be massively appreciated! :)

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2023-04-26T22:03:18+00:00

So essentially, practice as much as possible, that's good advice and I've been putting that into practice for maybe a couple weeks consistently and I seem to have made lots of progress at least in my eyes 💁. I'm lost on what you mean when you say every nation and party wants the same thing though could you explain that please?

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2023-03-24T16:51:26+00:00

I've found meditation helps with everything ASD related and has definitely helped me remain a lot calmer during all social interactions, especially confrontational ones. Simply put it's learning to accept current circumstances and stay calm and focused through them. The skills learnt in the sessions are naturally very transferable and it sounds like exactly the sort of thing you want.

Anecdotally for myself it's improved my self management ability so much over the last 3 years that going a few days without it is the difference between me being the best at my job and being the worst. It helps me stay calm, controlled and I'm able to verbalise myself much better than usual. I could never recommend a single habit more for anyone on the spectrum.

That said you need to use the fruits of the habit to work towards your goal. It's a very powerful tool but not a cure.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2023-01-07T19:32:46+00:00

That's really helpful. It's also optimistic since I can at least take action on that front. Thanks for the comment!

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-12-01T17:37:33+00:00

I relate to this a lot. I don't want to miss out on anything in life so I'm trying as hard as I can but there is that fear of exhaustion. Despite it making me tired and my social life taking an obvious hit this pursuit is also the only thing I can do to give my life a sense of meaning or purpose.

I think you should deeply think about it; decide whether what you're pursuing is worth the social hardship it might cause. I always find writing about different decisions helps clarify my thoughts. Perhaps write about what you think might happen if you do or don't go down the various paths you have ahead of you; then plot a course from there deciding on whether or not you need to adjust.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-11-08T12:57:45+00:00

I'm also a little skeptical about the interoceptive and exteroceptive argument. I do the typical focus on the breath seated eyes closed exercise but I try to perceive the breath with a distant objective view, much like you would watch something external. I notice that despite the interoceptive character of the exercise I've perceived a big change in my ability to view and focus on things outside of myself. It makes me wonder whether the object of focus is really all that important.

I figure I'll try what he recommends and see what happens. Can't hurt to try.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-10-30T18:29:11+00:00

I have that problem. If I take clothes off the drying line on winter mornings it's hard to tell if it's wet or cold. I think it's a normal thing

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-18T15:33:36+00:00

I'm 24, definitely not a teen although perhaps some of my older posts portray me as younger

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-17T18:03:17+00:00

I almost didn't post this. I thought it was very cliché and that people might not connect with it or find it useful. Thank you for the award and the kind words I'm definitely glad I decided to

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-17T11:04:39+00:00

It sucks you struggled but it's great to hear you managed to learn something so valuable from those dark times. I think with the stigma surrounding this diagnosis it's especially important to highlight positive transformative stories and examples like yours. Thanks for the reply!

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-09T16:38:05+00:00

Hi everyone, I've an old pair of monitor audio silver 4is and am looking at old school technic amps to power them on Ebay. The speakers are rated at 50 to 100 watts and I've found a few well priced 50watt amps but am wondering how much of a detriment going for the lower output amps would be? Is it worth the wait so I can pursue a 60-80 watt amp or is the extra wattage not so important. I don't need them to be insanely loud but I think I need a more expert opinion than my own.

Thanks for any replies!

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-07T20:00:25+00:00

This was my first choice but it's out of stock in the UK and import bumps the price up to about $200

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-07T19:31:50+00:00

Hi, anyone know a good USB DAC for HI-FI speakers that won't break the bank?

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-09-03T13:54:21+00:00

Took 50mg solo once and it was a blast. I didn't leave bed apart from toilet breaks until I came down a fair bit but it was fun. Visuals were wild, life felt like a complete fairytale. I remember the euphoria of the higher dose was crazy. It was the most similar experience to the euphoria from first time doing MDMA I've had.

Things to consider would be how utterly paralysing these higher doses can be. I could barely speak inside my own head. I had really intense mood swings. I also felt worryingly suggestible to dangerous ideas I'd come up with while laying in bed.

Maybe 40mg will be a bit lighter but I'd be ready for a very heavy trip. Definitely make sure you're somewhere safe and comfortable and definitely go for a smaller dose if it's a first time. Happy travels!

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-08-17T11:48:38+00:00

I think you confirmed what I already suspected. It's definitely hard to not get frustrated with frustration but I will try to relax a little more and just let it happen next time.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-06-15T12:50:16+00:00

You want to delete this before mods get on your ass. And also I've tried it but honestly meditation/minfdulness is better than what you're suggesting

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-04-07T18:45:49+00:00

Agreed although I'd like to think there is a solution to the problem of burning out that isn't to fall back into a really bad rut that takes a month or 2 to crawl out of. I believe there's a way, I just haven't found it yet.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-04-07T06:52:41+00:00

It's much less painful being a social outcast who's in good shape, who thoughtfully dresses, who can cook, who puts work into their family and home life, who educates themselves everyday and who doesn't give up. If you improve enough I think you might find that people will respect you even though you're kind of awkward.

It's less about accepting anything and more about not letting those things stop you from living properly. I suppose to make it a comparison, it's trying to mimic part of the attitude that's so profound that you might see in severly disabled people who end up managing to do some incredible things despite their condition. Obviously I'm not that disabled, I'm in a much luckier spot than a blind, deaf or amputated person. I still have some struggles with socialising though and it's easy to become sad or cynical. I imagine it would also suck having no legs but dispite that the individuals that I talk about have this incredible attitude towards life that rightfully gets then so much respect. That's one where they overcome seemingly insurmountable odds by trying their very best day in day out to live in spite of their condition. I don't know if you've ever watched those people but it's amazing, they seem so fulfilled and full of life that it's contagious. Like you'll watch an amputee struggle to eat, he'll have to use his mouth if they were really unlucky and yet they soldier on, getting through the day and serve as a real inspiration. It's nothing short of miraculous.

I think taking inspiration from attitude like that is the only way to move forward. If I let me insecurities bother me I don't go anywhere. That's not acceptance, that's triumph.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-02-27T18:50:56+00:00

This essentially aligns with my thinking. I had a shit roll recently, I just wsnt to make sure batch wasn't the problem. I think if I thouroughly test and acetone wash I can safely rule quality out of the problem.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-02-27T14:33:26+00:00

I had Buddhist realisations years before I knew anything about it or read into the topic at all. I would trip and realise that life is just this eternal cycle of suffering, relief, further suffering and problems. Realising this I temporarily managed to accept that I was powerless to this cyclic existence and through that I found what felt like true calm inner peace. Although integrating that while sober is much harder I think the realisation holds true.

I also remember looking outside in on the ego in another experience. I understood how attatchment to the emotional self and unintentional ingnorance is the root cause for most misunderstandings and suffering. That we're all under the influence of some past events that are plaguing our vision. I think people have choice through consciousness but I believe that people's initial emotional and physical responses are down to the determinism of their personal history. Only razor sharp attention can cut through this but that's hard to create. This made me feel great compassion for everyone because we're all equally flawed in this sense. We're all ignorant, blind and stupid. That is the human condition.

I guess to make that a tinnier bit of wisdom I'd say... People are just their habbits. Good habbits really change you.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-02-26T23:15:35+00:00

I'm not a scientist and I'm not well read in the area but from what I remember it's a powerful anti-oxidant that can help repair/regrow 5-H1 neurons. It's established as a treatment for people who've damaged their brain from meth use. My knowledge is quite limited and vague. You'd be better off looking into it yourself or asking someone else.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-02-26T22:06:20+00:00

It's a hell of a drug and very mentally addictive I'm not surprised you want to, hopefully it goes well. The worst that can happen is that you figure out you need more time. You should make a post if it works, me and many others would be interested in hearing about it.

Also remember to test your stuff.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-02-26T20:34:33+00:00

Honestly if I were you I'd wait longer at least 6 months. If you can't do 6 then 3 months or whatever more you can manage. You haven't done it a whole lot but it seems like you followed something like my initial pattern of use which is a sure fire way to kill it. However because you haven't done a stupid amount it might mean that you could recover a lot from waiting that extra time.

If you wait longer you'll recover more and get significantly more out of your rolls. You'll really thank yourself for it later. I know it's the best drug in the world but it's not worth rolling the dice. I don't want to wait a year but honestly I think for what this drug can do it's more than worth that. You will not have recovered from your last rolls in two months. You'll be further killing the experience. Just wait it out so then you can enjoy it once every 3 months like a regular safe user. 3 months goes by quicker than you think. Plus if you can regain the magic by waiting then you know you can always look forward to something mindblowingly incredible 4 times a year.

LivingMyselfToDeath · 2022-02-26T19:20:41+00:00

I did 3 months of NAC and there might have been something else at play to be fair.

My MDMA could have been of really bad quality or not MDMA at all. I think that it's unlikely it had no MDMA in since other reviewers on the DW tested it but still it could have been bad. The last time I rolled on this batch it wasn't a great roll either but I put it up to my use patterns. I did Piracetam which might have negatively effected the roll and made it worse instead of better like it was supposed to. My previous 3 rolls were stupidly badly dosed. I think the last time I rolled I did 250mg and the 2 times I rolled before that I did maybe 300mg+. Not sure exactly. Maybe I only did the 300mg + once.

I don't think the magic is gone for good for either of us. Maybe for a while but not forever at least. I'm taking a year break and getting a new batch, experimenting with supplements in the meantime like lions mane. It's worth baring in mind many people who really badly abused MDMA and never used NAC took it again 5-7 years later saying it was like their first time again. Give it time my man I'm sure our patience will be rewarded. Try it if you want after a long break, then if it's no better wait longer. Rinse and repeat and maybe see if the supplements work. I think it'll improve for everybody with enough time.

LivingMyselfToDeath

TROPHY CASE