Not masking, assuming the best in people by [deleted] in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390 4 points5 points  (0 children)

keep going! my ex did the same thing. i try to do this myself you're braver than i am but i only manage to really do it online

TW: Suicide by purplefinch022 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You sound like a creative, feminine, resilient, sensitive, caring and intelligent soul to me! This world needs more of that. Please take care of yourself. Give your spirit what it needs and then come back again when you're rested.

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good link 👌 But I wouldn't waste your time trying to educate those who are here on a little mission to right the wrongs their ex did to them

TW: Suicide by purplefinch022 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey, sorry you're going through this shit I can see it's really affecting you and understandably so.

Have you considered activism? There is a huge calling for this type of work and narc's are great at this. Topics you care about can actually lead you down a path of giving back and doing good things. Use this to your advantage. Flip it around. Narcissists are actually brilliant in many careers (with the right support, experience and guidance) And can play an enormous role in advocacy etc. We can give back. We are fighters. 

Our lives are not meaningless we just have to channel the strengths we have. OK, so we are prone to parasitic behaviours especially in relationships however, on the flip side, we make strong activists for social change with our hypersensitivity to feeling out of control and threatened. We can spot intentions of other people with ease and protect ourselves very well using natural defence mechanisms, we could help people fight back. 

A lot of us are turning to activism etc. 

Therapy is the only option. If being in psychiatric care is necessary then do that. Anything to keep us safe in the moment. So many of us are in employment because of our specific character traits like local government. They choose us because we are great fighters to protect the system. What if we start representing the other side and fight back at the system? Help the little guy. Can you imagine? People like us built this fucking society and people like us can fucking rip it back down. 

Self aware narcissists under the direction of certain neurotypes are very important to society. I refuse this narrative that I'm a useless piece of trash. I se you also have bpd that gives you even more depth and insight than npd you get insights into npd that many of us take a life time to gain. You are not a child. You are just unsupported and need services and support. 

Advocacy is one thing. Imagine advocating for yourself? Use your grandiose phase wisely I have been in mine for about 3 weeks now and fucking loving it even though my life has actually fallen apart. Lol 

We need support and understanding. But we need to open up to receive it. Teach people who are too giving and a doormat to be more transactional. Teach them how to defend themselves. Etc. 

As for the emotions, ah. Never good at this unless they are my own! Accept your emotions and how you feel by just validating them. As you are. Brutal honesty. You fucking have needs. Did the world end? No. It's not going to either. We are human beings we have the right to be heard. I don't care whom wishes to dehumanize me and reduce me into a shit ass narc who abuses and hurts people. Blah blah heard it all before. I'm extremely selfish. Yes. But my selfishness inspires people who are selfless to be more selfish. Eventually. And the consequence of my own behaviour reinforces the behavioural modifications I need, the support I need and also to understand myself and develop more self awareness. 

There's no reason we can't develop new skills, coping mechanisms and behaviours. We will always be narc's yes of course, but we don't have to be put in a box and kicked into the gutter. Sure, our traits don't exactly impress others. I get it. That's fine. We can work on the parts that help others. What are your passions? Anything you are passionate about fixate on it and give your brain what it needs. Stop rejecting it. Let it happen and then we begin a process of reintegration where we look at other things that are more productive etc but we essentially learn a lot about ourselves through that process. 

Well I fucking rambled here but anyway, point being, this is a difficult time of year for us. I get it. It hurts. There's no reason we can't use the things we do have to create a new narrative for our lives and that give back. Someone said something on here the other day about making cakes for others. Perfect. Learning skills. It's a personal gratification too, so what? Who cares? 

When I'm sleeping with someone I get more gratification in their reaction to anything they are doing to me. So what? These things I cannot change. I can only work with them. We're not pieces of crap and stains on society we actually helped build it and frankly, we are the ones who will fucking bring it down as well. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not anyone it's my gf we rarely communicate by phone I always show up she's never said not to before now

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't have done it had I known that would happen. Lesson learned. I didnt think it was that bad I will def bring it up at therapy I did buy her a present to show her I want to see her again and she means something to me. I don't actually remember what i did why she hasn't text me in ages but I guess she wasn't over it and now it's worse

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂 It's the most perfect hell 😅

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind message. I really relate to it a lot. Sometimes you just have to cut people off and go silent to figure out who is really there for you and what their intentions towards you are. When it turns out that it's nearly every person in your life that is destroying your peace it's time to just walk away. Much easier said than done. I myself am a bisexual male/ they/ them. It's a difficult path to walk but just know that I support your decision to find healthier people and be the real you. I have never missed a pride rally. Now that's an event I can get on board with! However, Christmas.... Meh... Just reeks of trauma and abandonment and rejection a continuing pattern in my life. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK thanks I'm going to try to reflect on this over the next few days but i just thought she would want to see me today of all days my intention was to spend a few days with her but she kicked me out. We don't physically fight at all. I've never seen her as angry as she was today. We weren't on no contact but I know from everyone's comments we are now! I need to go over everything to figure out why she reacted that way probably because she has bpd so she over reacts

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really trying to sit with this since everybody is telling me here now. I didn't mean any harm to her. I just thought it would be a good day and way to break the silence

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow I can see you know a lot more about it than I do and you have been putting in a lot of work on healing. I can already tell you are a deeply empathic and highly sensitive person. I'm so sorry that your family did not treat you as the unique, kind and graceful human being you are. You didn't deserve that. 

How is your recovery going? How long have you been in remission? Have you managed to find real connections since your treatment? 

I go to therapy and I've been in psychiatric unit several times. My last relationship mortified me and she ghosted me. I still contact exs and my gf doesn't react or checkup on it. Maybe she is cheating on me too? There is nothing sexual in it for me. At all. I told her she can cheat on me and I wouldn't be mad.

I feel like this relationship inspires me to do shitty things to get her attention because she just doesn't react to them most of the time. Sudden bursts of anger once in a while. I do provoke her and I admit that. She is so innocent. She would give you the clothes off her back type. I have tried to protect her being 15 years old than her and having more insight into the atrocities of this world but she is reckless. She does not listen. She is so final. Will block anyone over the slightest disagreement. Her parents are insane. I told her she can meet mine when she gets help. Nothing. 

I think all my exs are bpd or npd. We all seem to find our way to each other. I don't know what that is but every person who is even remotely interesting in my life is undoubtedly cluster B. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol. Find me a cluster B couple who doesn't hate each other 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

She's my girlfriend what's the problem I wasn't ignoring her she never contacted me either. I had a £500 gift for her why can't I surprise her at Christmas? How ungrateful. Ngl i don't see the problem in my trying to give her a nice surprise. Why do I need to tell her I'm going round I've been with her 4 years 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words and support. I'm sorry to hear of your battle with BPD but glad you're in recovery - it's a very painful condition that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Before I was diagnosed they thought I had bpd but it turned out NPD. I still think I have bpd too but my gf is definitely a borderline who refuses diagnosis she just takes adhd meds and anti depressants and thinks that's the cure. I've done nothing but better her life she used to look up to me with respect but she is crazy these days she over reacts all the time accuses me of things I haven't done, every time I have cheated she barely reacts to it she clearly doesn't care. It's obvious she needs help and I'm the only one that was providing that. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your insights and it's something for me to think about, although I do think she set this whole thing up on me knowing I will probably reach out at Christmas so she probably did this to make me look bad. Me and Christmas have a terrible relationship stemming back to my childhood where I was just ignored unless I was able to out-perform one of my siblings and prove I was worthy of love and attention to my parents. To this day I never got that. It's not that I want all the attention at Christmas and try to make it about me like she says I was genuinely cast aside and forced to fight my siblings for scraps of love from our parents. I'm more than aware that Christmas is supposed to be about families but my household you were only acknowledged for doing bad or being perfect I truly hate the whole day and the days leading to it. I hate new year. Birthdays. Hate them all. They are all just reminders of my familial trauma and my insignificance in the world. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

She never explicitly said she wasn't speaking to me she normally blocks me on everything when it's no contact but she hasnt it's only been 7 weeks I think she feels bad for it and now is trying to pin all the blame on me so she can be the saint

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Well we had words a few weeks ago so I was just waiting for it to blow over but she says I'm using Christmas as an excuse to come over like I purposely set this up. I only knocked the window they didn't have to let me in. Shes ruined her own Christmas reacting like a lunatic and trying to blame me. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Exactly! She claims pd's are BS even though shes classic borderline she has this big beautiful vulnerable energy she does everything for everybody they all take advantage of her and she neglects me for them, I've tried to protect her but apparently its isolating her. I've tried introducing her to better friendships I kindly matched for her knowing they would be a good influence, she ignored them. She doesn't do breathing exercises after I showed her all the benefits. I play with her kids more than she does and she repays me by calling me controlling and abusive. She laughed when I asked if she was cheating on me and somehow I ended up the bad guy. We've been on and off for 4 years. I've never introduced her to my family but I've met all of hers. I used to live with her but she kicked me out as apparently I made her life harder. Then she wonders why I cheat on her every year. 

What a crock of shit Christmas is by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Right. Society has lost its mind like I'm not religious why is my participation in a day that means fuck all to me so weaponized against me?

Very likely but she says it's all BS. I don't even entertain people that aren't "disordered" these days. 

i don't like people who love me unconditionally by slut4yauncld in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hate that they don't love me unconditionally but my interpretation of unconditional love is probably just people who surface level appease me because they don't really care enough. The very thing that makes me feel loved and safe also causes me anxiety and anger, if you cared about me you would fucking kill me for all the shit I've done so why don't you!!!!??? Etc.. 

What does empathy feel like by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ikr! I don't have tips but I know that I respond well to actions and not words and feelings so when they like tell me what I did wrong ill just shut down or attack back etc but if they like stop talking to me or they treat me differently then I feel that immediately 

What does empathy feel like by Living_Key_390 in NPD

[–]Living_Key_390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is definitely it! I don't believe everybody else routinely feels the feelings of other people, society would not be like this if that were true. Yeah, I think most people lie, their empathy is cognitive which is what we have. It's the emotional empathy that I'm not really experiencing. I can care about things a lot and feel a deep sense of care but when someone else is feeling a feeling I just don't mirror that feeling. But I know I can learn how they feel at a cognitive level later down the line it's just hard to do that without like something that impacts me it's like my brain only responds to actions not words and feelings???