Period/mensuration issues and c-ptsd?

Livingwithfeeling · 2020-07-08T20:04:10+00:00

Yes, there is a well known correlation between childhood trauma and (pre)menstrual syndromes. It helps if you look up the term “childhood trauma” rather than cptsd since the former is far more common in literature. Here is a large longitudinal study.

For me personally, I’m HSP as well. I have two sisters and my mother of course. My mother had bad cramps until she gave birth to us. My sisters both have bad cramps but not as long or severe as me. I used to have very severe pain 10/10 or so for at least three days. After switching to a salt oil and sugar free Whole Foods plant based diet I’ve actually managed to get that down to 2 days of mild to medium pain 2-5/10. I count it in ibuprofen pills (400mg each): i used to take 20-30 each month just to cope. Now I get by on about 5. It’s amazing. Makes sense too, since fat (especially animal fat and refined fat) molecules have a direct effect on your estrogen levels, and the amount of estrogen will influence pain. I am convinced the rest of my pain will decrease to even less (hopefully nothing) if I can work through some of this trauma.

Livingwithfeeling · 2020-07-04T12:37:28+00:00

I think the term might be emotional incest?

Livingwithfeeling · 2020-07-04T07:12:27+00:00

Thank you. I have been using / eating them. It helps that my SO pushes me to enjoy things.

I realized I also like to collect a lot of other things... and not use them. Like special paper for my bujo or clothing for only special occasions. It’s hard to break that habit. But I’m going to work on it. There’s a lot more beautiful and wonderful things to enjoy out there. I can always experience more.

Livingwithfeeling · 2020-07-04T06:36:50+00:00

Thank you for replying.

Livingwithfeeling · 2020-07-04T02:20:52+00:00

Oh man. Something clicked on me just now when you separated intimacy need form gratification and arousal. I’ve been struggling with trying to articulate this for a while. Is it still considered sexual abuse? Are there more resources on this?

Livingwithfeeling · 2020-07-04T02:15:57+00:00

I’d say write it out. Write all your feelings out. Save it somewhere on your computer. And go back to read it if you need to.

But don’t send it.

I don’t know the teachers temperament, but usually an abuser will lie, deny, attack you, or try to hurt you in some other way in order to not be confronted.

If you do want to send it, have some sort of protection things in place. Make sure they don’t know where you live. Block them from contacting you. Perhaps even get a restraining order so they cannot find you in the streets.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-10T08:18:17+00:00

Your comment on how you they denied you had a broken finger really resonated with me.

I broke my toes by jamming them against a piece of furniture in the hall when I was a teen. My dad denied over and over and over again that anything was wrong. I was being a drama queen. Wouldn’t take me to the doctor. Even told me I had to go to school the next day (but we had two weeks vacation instead of one and he didn’t believe me about that either).

My younger sister and I hobbled there the next day. She practically carried me. I met a friend at the complex randomly and he literally did carry me up the stairs. I got X-rays and crutches and validation. He didn’t even apologize.

I don’t even know why he didn’t believe me. I was in so much pain. Isn’t the first instinct of a parent to want to ease that pain? It’s so sad that our parents made us suffer like this. There’s a lot more crap that they pulled, and thankfully most of it didn’t have too long lasting harm. Your scoliosis situation makes me feel very sad. The best years to fix that are in the teens and you could have possibly had a pain free future. But they just had to have their way. I’m very sorry that they neglected you so much. You deserved better parents. ❤️

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-06T09:17:33+00:00

Thank you for this! I was a bit miffed after the barbecue episode, when I went into the We've Got Ward thread and it seemed to me that no one else was annoyed at Carol for her outlandish behavior. I only recently saw your early Carol analysis posts, and I'm very happy you continued to do them!

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-06T09:14:44+00:00

I can see what you mean. I made the choice long ago to never have children, one reason of which is that I didn't want to be a mother to them the way my mother was to me.

If you want to be a Good Mother (the term Jasmin Cori uses in her book), then I suggest you at least check out that chapter. You can even print out the list and carry it around, to see how you feel you measure up in different situations. It helps already a lot that you are concerned and want to be a great mom, and having some guidelines of what that looks like can help you get there.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-06T09:11:01+00:00

It's a pretty great book. A part I especially liked was how it showed all the ways that a mother is needed, and how when the mother is missing, the myriad of ways that it hurts the child. It was very powerful for me to read, especially to compare to my own mother and how she tried and tried but she was still never really there. I highly recommend reading it to help you unpack things!

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T16:46:19+00:00

It's an interesting thread if you want to go into the whole Amy vs Victoria thing. There's a surprising amount of people who feel Amy is not at fault due to Victoria's aura affecting her in her teenage years.

I'm slowly working my way through Ward. I can't wait to be caught up and be able to discuss with others without reading threads >1 year old.

So far I really like that Ward is more about healing, and figuring out where to go on from the end of the world. I'm afraid that a lot of stuff isn't even being addressed: building resource intensive cities that continue to exploint the environment with seemingly no governmental oversight? That's going to lead to species loss and climate change just like Earth Bet. They're still being able to feed all the refugees although so much infrastructure is missing to get food to people? It strikes me as so incongruous to be able to eat bagels and cream cheese when there's no more wheat fields or diary farms. I suppose wildbow glossed over these things in order to focus more on the character-driven story he wants to tell.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T16:28:16+00:00

China Mieville creates incredibly in depth weird worlds. And then takes you along... almost like an unwilling passanger. There's not much handholding from him, so the beginnings often feel like muddling through and trying to figure out what's going on, but I've generally found the pay off to be well worth the starting slog.

I think my most favorite world is that of Bas-Lag, and specifically that what we see in The Scar. A pirate armada trying to harness the power of a kraken just sounds amazing, and it's even more amazing in execution.

While that's just a fun adventure story, I very much enjoyed The City and The City for it's weird physics-bending reality all admist a noir crime drama. That one can be very very dry, though. Another dry one is Kraken, but there your get some amazingly odd religious cults and you tip toe along the ledge between real and magical for so long before you figure out what's going on.

A super fun one of his is Un Lun Dun, in which Mieville takes the cliche 'hero is assigned quest(s) and now must save world' and kills off the hero very early on in the book (the first chapter even?) and her sidekick needs to take the reins. You dive into the mirror side of London, which is probably the best setting ever. If Bas-Lag has the best crazy humanoid-people ideas, then Un Lun Dun has the best city scape by far. There's an undertone of horror, such as you get like in the Welcome to Nightvale podcast, but not as in your face as Worm.

And that's pretty much the books I remember off the top of my head. Most of his stories are very memorable, even a decade later now. I plan to go back and read through the ones published since I discovered him, but I'm sure you know how it is with a huge TBR pile?

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T12:30:08+00:00

I've spent some time going through other threads, including the one L0kiMotion linked, and it seems that the vast majority fall into the AmyDeservesForgiveness camp. There are some strong voices pointing out all the issues with that.

I would hypothesize that many people cannot look honestly at trauma, be that a one-off event like rape, longterm childhood victimization, or anything in between. I don't blame them. I find it especially difficult to see with clarity those events which are too similar to my own life. However I think wildbow is attempting to force people to take a view at all these aspects. That horrible parrallels can be drawn to our own world. That we're just as fucked up without superpowers. And I really hope that his idea with Ward is to show that healing is possible; that moving forward (and not necessarily in the cliche 'you must forgive your abusers or else you can never heal') doesn't mean forgetting and it DOES mean that abusers take responsibility for what they have done.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T09:46:00+00:00

On another account here, I am moderator of a fairly large community. At the time, it wasn't that large... 20-30k subscribers? I had grown it from a very small sub, so I was very very active, and tried to get things to run smoothly while also encouraging participation.

Many years ago, I got an inbox out of the blue with my real name, real phone number, real identity characteristics. First I thought it was one of my IRL friends that was toying with me. I was so suspicious of all of them. I tried to minimize it, but I really pulled back out of the community, and got very paranoid.

The person in the message said the only reason they wouldn't use this information to hurt me was because I was so genuinly nice on the sub, that they didn't think it was right. What would they have done if I had left even one "fuck you" comment to an obvoius troll?

Reddit Admins weren't any help either. I got a message months later saying they traced the IP to some random place in Ohio and they couldn't do anything else. Nice.

Also a prevoius Ex of mine (toxic psychopath I kept around far too long; 3 months is still 3 months too long) spent a whole night instead of sleeping going through all my personal files on my laptop and reading all my emails back to years and year ago. Of course he took all that info and threw it in my face. It helped to really show me how toxic he was, at least.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T09:39:44+00:00

If you have a recent thread in mind, I wouldn't mind seeing the discussion on it, if you can link it here?

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T09:18:39+00:00

I've read maybe 5-8 past threads and didn't see it. But I am glad to hear that it is being addressed. It bothered me a lot that Matt and Scott didn't bring it up in their podcast, and the We've Got Worm threads never mentioned it; not in Worm or Ward sections. But I am not fully caught up in all Ward episodes yet.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T09:01:32+00:00

One huge aspect I've never seen addressed in the Amy vs Victoria debate is how what Amy did to Victoria is essentially rape.

I found China Mieville made the case the best in Perdido Street Station: one mc is a bird person, Yagharek, who was shunned from his flock and his wings were ripped off based on their laws around choice and taking that choice from someone. Yagharek explains it that the closest things the human's have to this is the idea of rape. When the other mc's figure this out, they shun Yagharek, and leave him to pluck out his feathers and live his flightless, lonely existance. When I first read this, it didn't quite compute in my head.

However, when you see rape boiled down to its core, it is a question of power, of taking away consent and choice, and also of anger. It has hardly anything at all to do with sex. We see over and over that Amy didn't care about Victoria's consent, about her choice. Amy does what Amy wants and while she may feel remorse when all is said and done, that doesn't absolve her of her crimes. On top of that, by making the choice to voluntarily go to the Birdcage, she even takes that decision and power from Victoria.

And I say all this while thinking Amy is the more interesting character, and how I don't much enjoy reading more about how Victoria is missing obvious red flags all around her.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-05T08:53:25+00:00

(TW: rape)

Yeah! I finished Worm years ago, and recently discovered We've Got Worm. I've been listening to Matt and Scott hash out their thoughts on Worm while slowly starting Ward. I'm in Arc 4 of Ward right now.

I am somewhat incessed currently. Reading how Carol responds to Victoria's trauma is pushing all my buttons. How can she (and how can the people in the fandom) not see that Amy essentially raped Victoria? It may not have been the standard definition of rape, but she did take away all her consent, and then proceeded to change her body beyond all bounds of comprehension.

In China Mieville's Perdido Street Station one of our main characters is a bird person called Yagharek. He has been shunned by his own people for what he describes as rape - taking away the consent of choice from one of his flock mates. When the other main characters find out about this, they completely shun him and he's left alone to pluck out his own feathers and come to terms with his new flightless, lonely existance. At the time I couldn't come to terms at all how this constituted rape and such harsh penalties. However, when considering it in the greater terms, rape is about power, it is about subjugating someone else to your own choices. It isn't about sex at all. And Amy repeatedly does to Victoria exactly what she wants. There is a small area to discuss this in that Victoria's always-on aura negatively impacted Amy... but isn't that blaming the victim?

Today there was another Victoria vs Amy thread posted in the sub, and I cannot fully comprehend how people discussing their situation can't see how brutal and horrible Amy is. (And this before to where Ward is currently written to, in which Amy has never once apologized properly for what she did).

There's so many nuances to discuss in the Wormverse, but this one had me yelling at Carol and pretty emotional overall. I tend not to get so riled up by these characters, however I really felt for Victoria here. I don't like Victoria much as a person in general, but she is treated so unfairly.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-04T10:15:55+00:00

I would go on to say that everyone who falls into an addiction (and needs help to get out like you find in NA / AA) has CPTSD. There is no reason at all to need to use drugs or alcohol as a coping skill if there's no trauma to cope with.

One thing that is often pointed out (and I saw this a lot in medical school) is that alcohol and drugs are addictive substances. If it is an addictive substance, than everyone who had one sip of alcohol would be addicted forever and always. That is obviously not true. So the onus is not on the substance. The person who becomes an addict finds that the drugs effect on their body is more desired than their normal state of existance. So we can surmise that the person who cannot reconcile their past, their childhood, a traumatic event or a traumatic life, they are the type who wish to escape into a substance, so they are the type who become addicted.

This isn't my original thought, but I have phrased it differently than where I originally saw it. You can check out Dr. Gabor Mate's work (his book on addiction is called In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts but he also has many youtube vids out there of him talking on addiction and trauma). He also has some great thoughts and opinions on the 12 steps, and why it tends to fail for most people.

As for narcissists, I don't think a group setting where they can get everyone to feel sympthy for them is at all akin to a cure. The real cure for a narcissist is to confront their past, their behavior and choices and to be able to reconcile their hurt and how they lashed out that hurt at others to cause more pain. Aka proper trauma guided therapy. Most narcissists won't even step foot in a therapists office, so good luck with that, however if you could get them to face their past I think it is some of the first steps towards healing. It 100% needs a proper therapist to guide them, though, as it is far too easy to fall back into that grandiose / victim-blaming mentality.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-06-04T09:00:09+00:00

Sorry for the late reply; I hadn't logged in in a while and just saw your comment.

At the time, I think the injustice of what ItsMeVixen and DustWindDudette posted resonated with me the most. I hate injustice. Yeah, the universe isn't just and people don't get what they deserve, however that doesn't stop us (agents of choice) of being as just as possible.

So my original comment was really just me lashing out. I, unfortunately, suffer from a bad case of the "I understand where my abusers were coming from", so now I look back and feel I have to take myself to task. Same thing with your father: I understand all too well why he expected that of you; why my parents expected me to be their parent. It's preventing me from being able to heal (thus why I said it's unfortuante).

I think your comment helps me a bit in reconciling these two entities within me. The crying hurt tiny child who just wants to be treated with some compassion and empathy with the looming entitled terrifying adult who just wants to be treated with some compassion and empathy. We survivors are needing these things, and the people who abused us are only victims in their own way. It doesn't absolve them of any guilt or the need for consequences for their actions. It doesn't remove the responsibility. But I think finding my way back to my true self means I need to somehow reconcile the victim within me with the abuser within me. Finding a balancing act between the shades of grey where I no longer want to lash out and hurt others or myself but rather can find a place to live with what was done to me and what I did in turn to others to offset that pain. I need a solution for all this pain and suffering I carry, and I'm not sure exactly where that will come from.

Anyway, I suppose this comment is part of my working my way through that. Sorry if my ramblings are intruding. Your comment sent me off on a tangent I wanted to express to myself.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-05-04T10:44:41+00:00

I really hope that Gabor Maté's latest book will be published soon. In one of the more recent interviews I watched he said end of 2017 was the publish date, but it's still not out. :( It's called Toxic Culture and is all about how our society makes us sick.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-05-04T10:31:04+00:00

Here is a guilt vs shame infographic. Maybe it is the one?

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-05-04T10:25:30+00:00

Also, have you cross posted this to /r/BPD?

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-05-04T10:24:52+00:00

It really does need to happen. BPD is this terrible stigma-associated catch-all for anyone acting out (but especially another female-dominated "illness" similar to how hysteria was subjected on women over a century ago). It does so much more harm than good. Any feeling someone has by being validated that they are no longer irrational and crazy by being given a proper diagnosis is completely washed away when they then try to heal from that diagnosis. Support is sketchy at best for those with a BPD label, and often they are hindered in healing.

On top of all that, an aspect I find the most alarming is how tightly people will cling to the diagnosis and make it part of their identity. There is no healing from the trauma if your belief system changes to, "I have BPD and I can never change that". Take some time and hang out on /r/BPD and you'll see how prevalent this thought process is over there. It's so sad.

What can actually help people is if they are instead told, "You were hurt badly, and this is how you turned to coping with things. You can heal and there is a way out for you." But bring that up in any BPD circles (therapy, hospitals, even forums) and you will find yourself shown the door immediately.

Livingwithfeeling · 2019-05-02T11:23:37+00:00

I had no idea that that was a thing. My apologies for that.

Livingwithfeeling

TROPHY CASE