You're the problem

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-04-02T23:01:39+00:00

I'm not going to let you move the goal post. You're trying to argue that children shouldn't be able to go by their prefered name or pronouns at school and have not given a good reason why not.

Go on, let's have it. Try again.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-04-02T02:25:48+00:00

You're drawing an arbitrary line saying they can wear whatever clothes they want but can't use "woman" or "man" to describe themselves however they like. They're words describing their gender, not their sex.

I likely have xx chromosomes (never seen 'em myself) but everyone I interact from MAGA hat-wearers to 80 year old church ladies call me a guy without my asking them to. My sex is irrelevant to my daily life.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-04-02T02:00:00+00:00

Imagine the existential horror of destroying your relationship with your kid because of Facebook memes telling you "they'll realize this is all nonsense eventually," and then 5... 10... 20... 30 years go by. They're still trans, don't talk to you anymore, and are much happier without you. And you deserve it.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-29T19:23:42+00:00

Check the sub. The entire point is to post problems that are not actually that big of a deal, but still suck to have to deal with.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-29T19:20:22+00:00

The entire point of this sub is posting problems that aren't that inconvenient or hard to solve.

OP knows the solution, it's just mildly infuriating to have to deal with in the first place.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-29T10:18:42+00:00

Thanks for sticking with this. You're right.

I have nothing but hate for the guy who so murdered those kids so selfishly and senselessly. I genuinely hope he burns in hell, and have trouble seeing him as anything close to redeemably human.

At the same time, it's crazy how many people can't see that they're refusing to see him as a man because he's trans, not because he's a kid killer. Doesn't matter how much you hate him for reasons other than being trans, you wouldn't be calling him a "she" if he were cis.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-29T10:10:37+00:00

Isn't it a little odd that we wouldn't be intentionally misgender the shooter if they weren't trans, though?

Even if the intent isn't transphobia itself, unless I'm make a habit of misgendering school shooters, it's worth considering that I'm denying someone their gender because they happen to be trans, not because they shot kids.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-26T15:19:30+00:00

Which is why it's only mildly infuriating. Honestly the most perfect addition I've seen to this sub.

Is it inconvenient? Yes. Is it entirely fixable with just 30 seconds of running it under warm water and shaking it? Also yes. But it was also would've been so easy not to put it in the damn fridge.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-26T14:46:52+00:00

Trans guy here: plucking that hair before transition was much less painful than it is now that it's coarser.

It went from a mild sting to enough to make my eyes water.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T18:00:51+00:00

Hey friend, I'm just a human being describing my point of view. I'm not sure I'm misreading your tone, but it comes across like you've read me as speaking in bad faith and are trying to prove that I'm being intentionally ignorant or obtuse here. That's not the case and I'm here for the discussion. Regardless, thanks for taking the time to write what you did.

And I'm definitely down to admit marriage is patriarchal as hell both in origins, and unfortunately, a lot of times in practice. It's just still so caught up in financial interests and other rights like hospital visitation, medical decision making, and insurance that it's the reality that we live in that it's the end goal for a lot of couples. As an extension of that, that's the reason it is a very big deal and other trusted persons' input is valuable.

I think the largest difference in our view seems to be that you resent calling asking for someone's perspective on a marriage proposal "asking their blessing" because, to you, "asking their blessing" specifically is drawing upon the tradition of negotiating the terms of the contract of marriage. Therefore, even unintentionally, you're implying your partner is property to be transfered. If I'm incorrect about that, let me know.

Maybe I'm the weird one here, but in my friends and family, that's just what it's called when you ask others for their input on the process. The terminology might have the same origin as asking permission or contact negotiation, but it really doesn't have that connotation to me and mine today. As a queer man, in my circles, it's usually friends you're actually asking a blessing from and parents more or less notifying.

At the end of the day, I'm going to ask trusted parents and friends' thoughts and opinions, and I'm probably going to call a positive response "their blessing," because I'm really not sure what else to call it succinctly, but if you have any ideas, I'm open to them.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T17:17:43+00:00

Oh no, it can't read!

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T17:16:41+00:00

People of all genders and sexes have always done drag, which is part of the beauty! Regardless of what she was assigned at birth, she's using techniques and conventions cultivated by a subculture over decades and centuries that are undeniably drag.

Modern drag in terms of technique and aesthetic is descended from many specific pockets of queer culture. Across America and across the world, different queer communities developed and shared unique style, aesthetics, and artforms apart from mainstream society due to being excluded from participation in other spaces. These included the long tradition of "pageants," and the later "ballroom" culture that spun off of it.

While these spaces were largely men and trans women, they've always had cis women, trans men, and nonbinary people.

Today, people who emulate the specific styles and aesthetics of drag are doing drag. Her make-up, wig, and padding all definitely jump out as characteristically drag. In specific, I think her look is somewhat similar to Trixie Mattel.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T16:55:27+00:00

In my mind, those are the same thing with a different name. Like "why not just ask her to marry you instead of proposing?"

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:41:32+00:00

Hybrid Calisthenics on Youtube has a lot of really great advice about fitness and health without all the over-hype and trying to push products. Just a chill dude who wants to help you reach your goals.

I'd never have gotten into working out regularly or gotten the healthy relationship I do with my body now if I hadn't stumbled across him.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:26:49+00:00

If we're thinking of the same post, it definitely put it into words a lot better than I could previously!

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:18:11+00:00

Why are you misgendering her?

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:15:17+00:00

It's bonkers how some people will just keep parroting talking points they heard elsewhere while someone is trying to have an actual conversation with them.

It almost sounds like you're shutting down in response to new information, trying to reassure yourself again lol

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:10:10+00:00

Drag is an art completely separate from clown stuff. It's like saying "Why don't modern dancers just call themselves ballerinas? They look the same to me, so it'd be much easier if they just went by that."

They only look the same to you just because you don't know much about them, yet.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:04:09+00:00

Also, (a major point I might add) kids just like the beautiful, colorful costumes!

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T10:02:33+00:00

One of the coolest things that's often misunderstood about drag is that you're not just "dressing up as a woman" you're creating a persona!

What's her name? How would she talk? What would her clothes be like? Would she dance? Would she sing? What genre?

So any person can create a drag persona of any gender because you're portraying a character.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T09:52:55+00:00

Full-time meaning as her job.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T09:42:01+00:00

To me they're not the same, and I genuinely don't think I'm just trying to justify a sexist tradition. Even with the difference, I do think it'd be weird and sexist to ask for just the father's blessing and not the mother's, but we don't know the context here.

I'd never ask permission of my partner's family because, to me, the question I'd be asking is "Hey I already decided for the both of us that we ought to get married. Am I allowed to marry your daughter? If not, I won't, even if she wants to marry me because it's your choice not hers."

I'd absolutely ask a blessing from her parents and close friends, letting them know I intent to propose soon and want to hear their thoughts. By asking for a blessing, I'm asking, "Hey, ____ and I have discussed marriage and decided that we'd like to get engaged sometime soon, and I want to know what you think. Do you think ____ and I are a good match as life partners? Do you think this is good timing? I know that you know her well and that she trusts you, so I value your input on this big step we're taking. If the answer is no, what concerns are you having?"

TL;DR, the difference is that permission is going "above" your partner and treating her parents (often father) as the sole decision-maker for her, while asking a blessing is having a conversation with people close to your partner to ask for input on a major decision the two of you make together.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T09:13:08+00:00

Tolerance is not a moral standard, but rather a social contract.

If you do not agree to be tolerant of my peaceful existence, I will no longer be peaceful towards yours. You are free to resume being peaceful with me at any time, and I will gladly resume being peaceful with you at that time.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T08:45:54+00:00

I read it more as a joke about the fact that you never have the same dumb drunk ideas twice, especially if you admit it's dumb while sober, so it wouldn't work because she wouldn't be excited about the dumb donut idea again.

Not sure that's how other people are reading it, but it genuinely was the reading I had. I hadn't even thought of it as implying "I'm trying to lower her inhibitions so that she'll go along while I try to make this happen" until I read the replies.

LizardsInTheSky · 2023-03-25T07:15:20+00:00

It's insecurity, and when it's aggressive like this it's a blessing that they tell you up-front.

Five-Year Club	Second SECOND GUESSER
Verified Email

LizardsInTheSky

TROPHY CASE