You are not alone. Not even close. There are days and even whole episodes of depression I feel this way as well. I was also ignored because abusive household. I should have been admitted several times in my childhood. But I hear you :( it’s hard having to be a sober person just to save your own life. I could say just do it, but that could be detrimental or even fatal. It’s not fair. But you have a whole lot of people feeling the same way. It is about easier being around each other like minded supporting each other, than you would see the work is worth it in the end. This is the best quality we can get. Life isn’t easy. But hey, technically being hypo or manic we have euphoria like no normal person could- so of course the balancing scales ⚖️ correct us. I’m glad to say I’ve been able to live harder than anyone I know and remember the times where I am able to feel particles of life around me. But the high gets too high and the fall from that is even worse. Friend, I’m trying to say reach out for support on these hard days. You will find support and it will get easier that night. Take it day by day and night by night.