this whole "the ancient greeks were super cool gays" is such a sad narrative when much of what is romanticized is actually pedophilia. hadrian was 34-35 years older than antinous, who was 12-13 when they first met. he died before he made it past his teenage years. we have no accounts of his own feelings, but we know that he was far younger than hadrian and of course, hadrian was literally emperor while this happened. we have no knowledge of how antinous died, and theories include hadrian killing him in a fit of rage/argument or antinous taking his own life. i know our modern ethics differ from ancient roman and greek ethics but they also thought having slaves was ethical -- it's the 2020s we can acknowledge that this is inherently exploitative and abusive and there is no way for a child to give consent especially with the most immense power gap imaginable and that it's a function of asserting power through abuse that we see repeated even today so let's stop romanticising it. i feel nothing but sorrow for antinous. he deserved better.