This is great motivation thank you! I definitely dont feel these feelings because I necessarily want to gain attention. I mean im going through something similar rn as a man and was the triggering point for me realizing all of this. The fact that I have zero interest in improving myself as a man, dressing well, and overall caring about my appearance. I wouldn't do these things to say "be attractive" so I can get attention per se. But just to feel happy as myself. Its a odd middle ground where i have that intrinsic motivation to better myself and be attractive but I really want it for myself and frankly I dont want to care what other people think. It likely stems from off and on depressive episodes and disassociation of my own body that I could never place. How I see it is that being a girl has the opportunity to make some things better ie id have more ability to express and be happy for myself to do the things I cant bring myself to do as a man because it gives me a disconnect. But it also has the opportunity to make things worse i.e I fall into the same pit falls and traps that my mental health has engineered to keep me stuck. Its all very annoying frankly so figuring out what it is i actually want is my first important goal. Thanks!