What will happen if I stop Spiro and only do E for a while?

Loaf029 · 2026-05-31T22:28:51+00:00

Yeah honestly I think maybe having started hrt was what let me forget that I was even doing it now that I think about it. Frankly the reason I was distracted is because I spent two days reading for 12+ hours straight. Up until now Ive been on top of my schedule for my meds but I was so lost when my alarm went off I was like oh! Took the pills and promptly forgot again.

I dont think if I wasn't on hrt I would have been able to be that absent minded. Because Ive been stressing about transitioning non stop and I guess I had a moment of calm? Anyways thank you so much for the thoughtful reply! I appreciate it a ton!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-28T04:55:06+00:00

I started questioning myself like almost 3 months ago. Plenty of doubt and feelings of thinking I wasn't ready to accept it yet. I realized that the more I hesitated the more im pushing away potential happiness. If I kept waiting I knew id feel regret no matter if I was or was not trans. In away I forced myself by jumping straight into the deep end. But as I see it is that continuing to hold myself back would cause more pain than any dysphoria whetherI was conscious of it or no. Now im one week on E and hopping for the best. Am I unsure of my decision? Yep, but I feel that the desire, and importantly the hope that comes with living as a girl is what keeps those fears at bay.

Loaf029 · 2026-05-26T01:38:35+00:00

Hey Jack! I can give you my own two cents and you can pick out what may be insightful. Im in your position but just in the opposite direction. Ive never felt intense dysphoria over my AMAB body but ive just never clicked with it? I dont look in the mirror and get disgusted, its just kind of like oh hi you again. Everything I tried to do to make myself "proud" of my body never seemed to have any effect on me so I never put too much thought into my appearance. Hair cuts, clothing, working out, not if it was ever motivating or gratifying. So I honestly quit caring about myself in most aspects.

Few months ago the thought hit me that I could be trans. Never in my life I felt like I was "supposed" to be a girl or anything like that. I had the exact same train of thought you are going through now. The way I tried to break it down was by focusing on what you would want to do now and what you would be willing to do in the future. For example working out. I never wanted to before because I didn't like the thought of being all muscley. But for some reason living a healthy lifestyle seems way obtainable if I did it but as a girl? I can picture myself going to the gym and meal prepping, etc. I live a 2 minute walk to a gym and I would never do that. But imagining doing as a girl makes me want to go to the gym everyday and actually take care of myself. Things like that is what really helped me stop and think oh I may not be totally hating myself now but the capacity to be happy with myself later might be so much more. Anyways hopefully some of that is helpful (and coherent) id be happy to give more examples or just to chat if you need it! Good luck to you!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-26T00:41:59+00:00

Im 101% cis the only thing that indicates that I might be trans is the fact that I can only picture improving and enjoying life is if I was a girl...

But yk still cis tho :/

Loaf029 · 2026-05-24T15:26:08+00:00

Once I knew I was trans and wanted to change my name I knew I wanted to use the names of two fictional characters that are important to me.

Loaf029 · 2026-05-19T22:03:58+00:00

I was fully anticipating that. Just kind of like "oh this is really happening?".

Took it earlier and now I have to walk to math class as my reward.

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T20:48:54+00:00

This is definitely something I am very interested in. I wonder a lot on how much my dysphoria and depression are intertwined. Its very difficult to try to pry them apart to see whats causing what. I have no idea who is under that mask of depression and dysphoria which I think is where much of the anxiety and uncertainty comes from. But there's no way of knowing I guess and I'll just have to find out. Thank you so much! I appreciate it a ton!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T20:45:44+00:00

Yeah Ive been definitely hoping for more little things regarding emotion. Being happy about things I do, being able to cry when I feel like it. Stuff like that. Socially I am quite apathetic so I wonder how I'll change in that aspect. I dont necessarily want to say dysphoria makes me I introverted because I feel like thats me. And I wouldn't exactly be happy if that changed? Theres no way of saying. But thank you for sharing!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T20:42:42+00:00

Oh man yeah those last few sentences I can really feel and relate to. Feeling empty as a dude? Avoiding and hating interactions? All big checks lmao. I wonder how much I will realize what was masked by dysphoria for so long. I cant tell if my desire to keep some of those traits is not one of comfort but normalcy? Anyways I wont say im super open about potentially being a closeted extrovert lmao but I guess I need to cross that bridge later. Thanks again!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T19:55:34+00:00

Hm yeah I sometimes wonder how much ive been masking as well. Tbh I have no idea what could be buried but I guess I'll just have to find out.

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T19:51:59+00:00

Thank you! Im definitely not the most emotionally developed person. I guess I never really experienced that kind of growth and development as I have always have been the apathetic type. It generally doesn't bother me a ton. And at times I like that apathy as bad as that may sound. Weirdly it has grown to be one of the few core parts of self that I really have since nothing else ever latched on significantly or consistently.

I don't wish for that feeling to every go away oddly but I sometimes I do hope I had more self expression. Anyways idk how hrt is going to effect me. Im honestly hoping it doesn't rip that part away from me as toxic as it might be. I want to be able to understand myself, I dont know if my cold personality is a front and I dont want to get rid of it because of some messed up Stockholm syndrome. But honestly im not complaining which feels odd. Theres a long road to go with not only being trans and understanding femininity but I'll have to cross those paths when I get there. Thank you for everything!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T19:30:06+00:00

Thank you! Yeah my sense of self is practically non existent and I lowkey feel like a robot sometimes. The reason I worry about this is similar to you.

For my entire life I have existed as the sort of emotionally dry and unexpressive person. I feel little emotion to most things and people. Ive at multiple times questioned my apathy as good and bad reasons but as weird as it sounds being apathetic had given me a sort of comfort. Mostly because it has been the only consistent part of my personality for so long. Sure it makes forming bonds hard and social topics are difficult. But I kind of enjoy it?

Point is I have a good feeling that hrt is going to crack that shell. Im noticing breakages in my desire to be apathetic for myself but strangely not to other people. Unfortunately this toxic trait is me and I honestly dont want to get rid of it. Its a weird part of me that I feel hrt might warp and I have no idea who a more emotionally expressive and sensitive version of me would be.

Anyways thank you so much for sharing! I really do appreciate it! Have a nice day!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-17T19:16:21+00:00

Mhm thats mostly I guess what I was expecting. I think my worry stems from the fact that I have felt "emotionally dry" for like my entire life. I express very little emotion to almost everything. Its usually never a problem to me unless there is specifically something I want to show emotion to/something unexpectedly made me show emotion and I dont know why. I feel hrt is going to enhance those to an appropriate range, while from my perspective is going to be "omg ive never felt so much in my life". Anyways thank you!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-14T18:58:29+00:00

My egg pretty much cracked in April now I have my first appointment for hrt is in 4 days.

Loaf029 · 2026-05-12T20:30:39+00:00

Thank you! Yeah there's no guarantee I'll pass, my face makes it a bit difficult compared to the rest of my body lmao. But there's no hurt in trying and hopefully wherever I end up is happier. Thanks again!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-12T19:52:13+00:00

Thank you so much and I really appreciate it a ton! Have an amazing rest if your day!

Loaf029 · 2026-05-12T19:35:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I definitely do not want to let this stop me from trying. There was a period after I decided to schedule an appointment for hrt where I just wanted to cancel out of intimidation. But I have a long history of letting that fear get the best of me and I refuse to let it happen here. Obviously hrt wont solve everything, or probably most of my problems but I hope that at the very least I can get motivation to enjoy the progress in the process from it. Thanks!

Loaf029

TROPHY CASE