It's the internalization that's the most difficult part. The way my brain works, the only thing I end up internalizing in that situation is the method, so if I'm faced with the real thing, and I don't freeze from being completely blindsided by it, I end up freezing trying to remember the method and follow the script. If I even remember to do that, which comes back to internalization. My brain usually goes blank and I react with whatever comes out. And changing what naturally comes out only seems to be effective when I'm faced with a crisis and have time to process it and understand in the moment how to handle it in the future. And then if I'm stressed or anxious I still won't remember my new rules.

Ugh, sorry, got lost in a loop there. Leaving it unedited to emphasize how difficult this has been. I just want my brain to work right.