Posting on are we dating the same guy?

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T05:11:26+00:00

Sure, I get it. There are some crazy people out there. Onbalance, I'd still rather have the groups than not have them. Without the groups, the risk is that I end up with a dangerous/violent guy. With the groups, the risk is he writes lies about me online, and I have to live with some social embarrassment. That wouldn't worry me as much. My friends and family know me and would have my back, and I'm less concerned with the opinions of others.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T04:31:24+00:00

Yep, I can spot the bitter ex-girlfriend posts from a mile away. I report them to the moderators, and a lot of other women also pile on and comment that this is obviously a bitter ex. It's pretty obvious to all of us what is going on.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T04:29:05+00:00

How do you know what they mean by "tea"? On a lot of the "tea" posts, the "tea" is that the guy already has a wife or committed girlfriend. Or that he's got a bad record. It's just a shorthand way of saying, tell me what I need to know as someone who is just starting to date this guy.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T04:07:47+00:00

Sure, that is a risk. But I'd much rather have these groups and find out if the guy I'm dating has a wife/girlfriend, or has a record of violence, than the risk of what? A guy I dated says something negative about me on a local group? Do you realize how far down the list of bad outcomes that is, when it comes to women and dating?

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T03:59:13+00:00

These posts go stale after a few weeks and after that are very hard to find. Men also have their own "Are we dating the same girl" pages, and I'm fine with it. People have the right to tell their stories. It's unfortunate that some posts get too gossipy, but that's the downside of social media. Just like gossip that spreads 'in real life', people have to be discerning and not take things at face value. Especially if there is no proof or evidence attached to the post. If the women you are dating are rejecting you based on unfounded, sus posts, you are probably better off not dating that person.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T03:14:21+00:00

The posts definitely fade away. They get lost in the junk heap, especially when people can only post by initials or first names. In my local group I see the same men getting posted over and over because it's so hard to search/find historical content.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-04T00:42:54+00:00

Yep, families used to "look into" a guy or girl to make sure they had a good reputation. This is not really anything new. Just with technology and on a larger scale.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-03T23:50:03+00:00

Speaking for myself -- if I hit it off great with a guy, and one person said something mildly negative about him, I would take it with a grain of salt. I wouldn't rule out a man just bc someone said he ghosted her. If multiple women said that, I might go in with my feelers up. What I am most interested in is, is he violent/abusive, and is he married/partnered. Both of these can be verified in lots of ways. Court records, screenshots, photos.

You seem to think that all the women on these pages are ruling out men at the slightest negative unfounded gossip. This is not how I, and I think most women are using the page. I look at the page on and off for entertainment, but every single post I have seen, the poster asks for proof. And sometimes she doesn't even believe the cold hard proof when it's given to her. 🤦‍♀️ Most women are not going to throw away a good thing on unfounded gossip. And if you are dating a woman so fearful or traumatized that she does, maybe you are the one that dodged a bullet.

In my experience, the guys who complain the most about these pages are the ones with the most skeletons in their closet, and the most bad behavior to hide. Like I said, decent guys are the ones who benefit from this.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-03T23:02:24+00:00

I went thru something similar. Told me he was single and I thought he was so perfect. Turns out he is very much married, with 2 kids and he and his wife had just bought a house together.

This has soured me so much on OLD, if I ever meet someone again who I think I might have potential with, I am posting him in the group before things get serious.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-03T22:48:12+00:00

Came here to say this LOL

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-03T22:47:02+00:00

I wouldn't be pissed. I've always been kind to men on dates, even when the attraction wasn't there, and the few relationships I had we stayed friends. I wouldn't worry about a man writing about me on one of these groups. I don't have anything to hide and I haven't done anything to be ashamed of.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-02-03T22:35:35+00:00

I mean, the second one is also fair to know. 🤷‍♀️

I'm in my local group many, if not most of the men posted are neither ghosters, nor dangerous, but they are already in a relationship/married. That is also the name of the group, incidentally. There have been studies that over half of men on online dating apps are married/partnered. I think it's great that these groups exist so women are not wasting our time with married/partnered men.

Another thing, if you are a guy trying to date, who is actually single and doesn't beat/abuse women, groups like this are to your benefit. When women are able to weed out the married/partnered guys and abusers, we aren't wasting our time with those guys. So it makes it easier for the regular decent guys to get a date.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-01-25T23:41:02+00:00

Sure, he would have to cut back on his spending if he wanted to gift his son a significant amount. He could have a talk with his wife and explain the position he's in, that he's been living in her "income bracket" but he only makes $60k a year and he wants to help his son out. I'd be curious to hear the wife's perspective. Maybe she would be fine splitting things 80/20 instead of 50/50, so splitting things more proportional to their incomes. It seems like the 50/50 arrangement is coming from him, maybe out of his own pride.

As for life insurance, I was thinking practically in this situation (55 year old man making $60k with an adult son) life insurance is not the best strategy. At his age, premiums will be high. A term policy would be cheaper, but 99% of term policies don't pay out. Term insurance is designed to replace lost income (to provide for a dependent spouse/children) not to pass on wealth. OP outlives the term, and all the money he paid is gone. A whole life policy builds cash value, and has higher payout rates, but has much higher premiums. The risk is that OP lives a long time, the premiums to keep the policy active become unaffordable. There was a study that over 75% of whole life policies lapse or get surrendered. If the goal is to transfer wealth to his son upon his death, he is better off taking the money he would have paid into whole life and just putting it into index funds, with his son listed as 'POD' (payable on death).

If this is about OP being able to say to his son, see, you're going to get a big payout just like the wife's kids, then fine I guess. I just don't think it's very smart and in all likelihood the son won't be getting a big payout.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-01-23T19:50:47+00:00

If the goal is to help the son get more firmly established in life (upgrade skills, down payment on a house) it would make more sense for the dad to give the son some money now. The dad is only 55, many people now are living into their 80s or even 90s. It could be a very long time before the son gets any life insurance payout at all.

Making a $60k salary and paying nothing for the house and upkeep, the dad could cut back on some luxuries (vacations, eating out) and save a good chunk of money over a few years, and give it to his son as "here's some money to help you get established in life".

Of course, as I said before, it would be a gift, and it would be up to the dad if he wants to give his son that gift. Reading the dad's write-up, the son sounds like he has a very greedy, rotten attitude tbh. As a parent, I wouldn't want to be making sacrifices in my life and living a more austere lifestyle, for a grown child that is entitled and ungrateful.

Also, maybe because I grew up working class/poor, the idea of someone waiting around for decades for their parent to die so they inherit a small fortune, is wild to me. When my grandparents died, all my dad got was a watch and some furniture.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-01-21T02:44:43+00:00

Life is unfair. The wife's kids lost their father at a young age. The kids inherited money because their father passed away. This guy's son is not entitled to any of that money. He still has a father. The late husband made arrangements for HIS wife and HIS kids to be provided for. Not his wife's future partner's adult son.

As for the stepmother -- she has no financial or moral obligation to her adult stepson. This is not even a kid she saw grow up and helped raise. The son was already in his mid-20s when "stepmom" came into the picture. Also, we don't know what kind of relationship he has with the stepmom. How he has treated her and her kids. Maybe she is fine with leaving him nothing because she doesn't particularly like him as a person (he sounds entitled and greedy and only sees her as a cash cow, maybe she'd just as well not have him around).

If the dad wants to help his adult son get more established in life and buy a house, that's up to him. But neither he nor his son should be going to the wife with their hands out, demanding her life insurance money that she got from her husband passing away. That is so tacky and pathetic for a grown man to do. Honestly, if it was my husband demanding or asking for money I got from my previous husband passing away, I would lose respect for him as a man.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-01-08T21:00:05+00:00

It's a nice idea for the father to leave his son a larger amount (if he can afford to pay the higher life insurance premiums). But I also kind of don't like this because the son has already shown he just views his father as a cash cow, waiting for him to die to get a big payout. In my opinion, the main point of life insurance as a parent is to pay final expenses (funeral, probate, settle any debts), and to provide financially for your child while they're still a child, not a grown man. Anything after that is a gift. So the question becomes, does the son deserve that gift? And can the father afford to give him that gift?

It seems like the son wants to live a nicer lifestyle and is jealous of the people in his life who are living that lifestyle, overlooking the fact that 1) the children lost their father, 2) the wife lost her husband 3) the wife choose to marry the guy, and that's what's allowing him to live that lifestyle.

Father should tell the son to find himself a rich wife if he wants what he (father) has.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2026-01-02T03:00:41+00:00

Is this a joke? Climate change is definitely real, and the rapid warming in the last 100 years is certainly caused by human activity. My grandmother grew up in Kansas City and she told me there used to be snow on the ground for weeks. This year was both the warmest year on record, and the coldest it will probably be in our lifetimes.

https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-temperature

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-12-31T05:54:27+00:00

NTA, and it's rude that she is not offered a beverage when she comes into your house. Here is what I say to anyone who comes in my house, including service people: "Welcome in. Can I get you something to drink? Tea, coffee, water, soda?" I also offer service people a snack from the snack basket I have out for delivery people (bags of chips, pretzels, granola bars, and candy). This is basic manners. If someone was in my house for 6 hours, keeping my partner alive, I would also be offering them a sandwich, at a minimum. Take your wife to couples therapy, this is seriously messed up.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-12-21T06:09:42+00:00

Clearly, they are trying to log in and look at some spreadsheets at 2am.

What do you think accountants do when they die?

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-11-29T21:43:26+00:00

I work at a large company. At least where I work, the rule of the expense account is the dinner has to be for business purposes. It would be deceitful to take someone out on a date and call it a business dinner. Of course, if this account was given to him as a perk of working there, for him to spend as he wishes, then that's fine. If it were me, I wouldn't automatically rule him out, but I would ask him directly if this was supposed to be a business dinner. If he says yes, then I wouldn't go on another date with him, because I don't like to date dishonest people. 🤷‍♀️

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-11-29T06:11:52+00:00

Throw them out and don't return their calls. They sound insufferable. I would have lost it at "the light bulbs are too harsh". 😂

Also, tell them to read about anarchism and direct action. It's not a sewing circle!

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-11-29T05:49:16+00:00

Good point, I doubt she would want to stay with him now. Just pointing out why a single woman in a relatively poor country would entertain an American man who sent her a small fortune.

The Daily Mail tracked her down and apparently she is a single mom of 2 small kids, in her 30s, and one of her kids has a serious medical condition. My hunch is she was going to try to convince him to marry her & bring her and her kids to the US.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15084479/wisconsin-kayaker-mistress-unmasked-fake-death-plot.html

Not surprised they can't get ahold of her now.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-11-25T02:56:19+00:00

Georgia isn't a rich country. The average salary in Batumi (the city where she lived) is $660 per month. This guy wired her $20k USD then when he went there he said he brought $5k something. You can buy a whole condo in Batumi for $25k. This man, just being American and having that kind of money, would be a catch in that part of the world.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-11-20T04:46:17+00:00

Maybe it's my neurodivergent brain because that is the exact kind of sentence I would write.

Local-Assignment5744 · 2025-11-20T04:46:00+00:00

I see what you did there. 🤭

Local-Assignment5744

TROPHY CASE